[SpazKatt]

As some of you may know, I did a horrible thing and kissed a guy my roomate liked, I didn't really know the extent of the "like". I figured she thought he was cute and that was that. It turns out she had a really big crush on him. She had always told me how she never wanted to be in a relationship again... so imagine my horror when I found this out the next day. This is the absolute absolute, lowest, most horrible, dispicable thing I have EVER done in my ENTIRE life! Before this time there was nothing that I had done that I've regretted, but I regret what I've done soo badly. She said she can't even look at me let alone talk to me and will never EVER be able to trust me again. The worst part for me is loosing her trust, it really really breaks my heart and I'd do ANYTHING to have that moment back. I just don't know how to deal with this, I feel like a horrible, dirty rotten, disgusting THING. I feel like some DEMON took over my body that night, because usually I'd NEVER EVER EVER do something like that to a friend. I'm beyond dissapointed in myself, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself and i feel like I deserve to feel pain for this.

[jennie]

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SpazKatt said:
As some of you may know, I did a horrible thing and kissed a guy my roomate liked, I didn't really know the extent of the "like". I figured she thought he was cute and that was that. It turns out she had a really big crush on him. She had always told me how she never wanted to be in a relationship again...

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The kiss was innocent. You didn't intentionally try to hurt your friend. You cannot read people's minds (can you?). I hope you don't keep punishing yourself for something you had no control over (her feelings).

((((((((((((((((((SpazKatt))))))))))))))

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

(((( SPAZ )))) I am sorry this is still haunting you. If you have a T maybe go talk with him/her or make a call..I still feel you had a right to do that as HE made the move and we cannot put DIBS on humans....but I know you are sad your friend got hurt in this.

[SpazKatt]

Thanks guys... too bad other topics get more support

[misty]

forgive yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SpazKatt]

I'm so hard on myself, I keep repeating I'm a horrid person, and I don't know how to stop that evil tape.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Yes sadly a lot..of attention has gone on to one or two threads but maybe also..some of us just don't know what to say beyond what we have or don't want to repeat something wise someone else said..WE DO CARE

i feel like I deserve to feel pain for this.

I think that's exactly what you are feeling, Spaz. You are punishing yourself. Maybe if you could try to believe what people here are telling you, that you are a good person, the nasty voices would quiet down.

It seems as humans we have programmed ourselves to hear the one bad comment out of a hundred great ones, and we focus in on that as if to say, see I knew it.

I hope with all my heart you can get past this.

Petunia

[SpazKatt]

Thanks sleeps and petunia... I really... just could use some hugs... I don't wanna ask but... :/

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((((((Spazz))))))))))))))))))))))

Please be gentle on yourself. You didnt know the extent of your room mates feelings for this guy. Can you speak with your roommate and explain that it was all a horrible mistake. I'm sorry your going through this.

Huggles,


Jen

katt he kissed you back did he not?, he is the one to blame, if appointment of blame is what you want, he knew what this could do, to you and your friendship with your roommate, yet he proceeded anyway, dont blame yourself over this, was a genuine mistake on your part,

he knew what he was doing, its called playing the odds, if he had said no, what are you doing?, then you would have made a terrible mistake, as it stands you are blameless in this, your friend will forgive you,

explain to your friend if it had not been you whom had kissed him, it could have been some other woman whom your friend doesnt know about, at least this way she, and you both know what kind of man he really is.

[drunksunflower]

Chick honestly ... she needs to get over herself.

If she was in a relationship or even properly dating him, yes, she'd have a right to be pissy. And generally, yes you try and stay away from people your friends like. Exactly the same thing happened to me when I was working at a skifield one winter, I scored one of the guys my flatmate liked. OOOPS. but we got over it and we're still good mates now.

End of the day its all fair play n u don't deserve to be upset about it.

Good luck sortin shiz out.

xx

[dexter]

>>I don't know how to stop that evil tape

Spaz, you have to find a way to replace that tape with something else, something positive. Erase it and rerecord over it!

Positive affirmations can really help. Repeat them out loud if you can, even if you don't believe them, eventually they will start to sink in. You can start with all of the positive comments that you've received from the people here!

{{{{{{SpazKatt}}}}}}

[heatherm]

(((((((Spaz))))))))

I am sorry you are feeling like you do hun. You do not deserve to feel this pain. Things happened...try not to beat yourself up over this....I know it is easier said than done right? You are an amazing person....I have always admired your spunk and spirit.

If I can be blunt - I feel like your roommate is being too harsh with you. It sounds like she was never a true friend to you hun. She had told you that she wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone. Maybe it's time to start looking for a new place to live/roommate? I don't mean to be harsh but gosh...I feel so bad for you.

Reach down and find that spunk you have inside you

Take care sweetie.

[dottie]

TGC

[dottie]

[SpazKatt]

Actually YES finding a new place to live IS possible, and I'm highly considering it

[SpazKatt]

Thank you EVERYONE for all your support, you don't know how much it means to me. My other roomate came to talk to me and she told me that the other roomate thinks I SLEPT with him!!! So that explains some of the madness, and she won't even listen to my other roomate about how horrible I feel and that it was a big missunderstanding and a mistake. Anyhow...not that it makes it better but at least I understand more of the anger.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

(((((((((( spazz )))))))) your friend outta line even if you did DO him.