[stephc]

Hi everyone. I've been a bit on a posting roll tonight, but this is my last post I swear before going to bed. Also, was not sure where to post this too.

I'm very bad and making friends and I think everyone's going to judge me. I'm not saying I haven't felt welcomed here on Psych Central, it's just I feel like everyone's all talking together and then I'm the person and says something and everyone just glares at me. It's irrational really, I guess, I think. I feel like you all hate me - which I hope isn't true! - and I've intruded on some nice gathering where I'm not wanted. In case you think I'm weird, I am weird and babble a lot and thing I say are just odd sometimes. I'm just paranoid about people in general really.

So anyway, I was wondering if people had paranoid feelings that people were judging them on here or in real life somewhere?

[Indie'sOK]

Hi Steph

Welcome to PC I'm glad you posted this here so we can get to know you better, and vice versa. I personally don't hate you, I don't think anyone else does either. If anything, we don't know you well yet. I know how paranoia is and it sucks because it feels so real..."feels", but not "is". I too felt this way when I first came to the forum, and still do at times. The best thing you can do is to try your best to get to know others. Chat is a great way to do this, if you wish. It's a great, warm community here, if appearing large upon first glance. Hope this helps x

Indie

[arcangel]

I don't hate you...yet. Just kidding I don't know if you're weird but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing if you are. Normal, conformist people are so dull I wouldn't worry much about anyone judging you. People do make "judgments" in a manner of speaking but that's the nature of the beast. You do it too right? We all have to use some kind of assessment process to use in forming our responses.
BTW...I peeked at your profile so if you see the notice, don't be paranoid...I'm just curious. You sound interesting. I like you so far

Welcome to the Community, stephc. Love yourself. You are an important person.

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by stephc

Hi everyone. I've been a bit on a posting roll tonight, but this is my last post I swear before going to bed. Also, was not sure where to post this too.

I'm very bad and making friends and I think everyone's going to judge me. I'm not saying I haven't felt welcomed here on Psych Central, it's just I feel like everyone's all talking together and then I'm the person and says something and everyone just glares at me. It's irrational really, I guess, I think. I feel like you all hate me - which I hope isn't true! - and I've intruded on some nice gathering where I'm not wanted. In case you think I'm weird, I am weird and babble a lot and thing I say are just odd sometimes. I'm just paranoid about people in general really.

So anyway, I was wondering if people had paranoid feelings that people were judging them on here or in real life somewhere?

I can assure you, you are sooooo not the only person who feels this way. It's hard to be a newbie in a place like this because we all have our own issues and we are extremely sensitive to how others might perceive us.

You'll feel more comfortable the longer you stick around

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by stephc

... So anyway, I was wondering if people had paranoid feelings that people were judging them on here or in real life somewhere?

When I do, I don't take it to mean much.

-- I've personally found judging pretty counterproductive. That tends to shape my opinion of those who do it a lot.

-- Those who know me well enough to judge me, seem to have very few complaints about me and the complaints they do have, I tend not to find very upsetting. A friend recently complained that when we go camping, I slip off to bed early instead of joining them in evening activities like singing around the campfire. That's right, I do!

-- Those who've judged me the most harshly in the past, have demonstrated pretty convincingly that they didn't know me at all well.

-- If a whole bunch of people who knew me only from a distance were to get together and start telling each other how awful they thought I was, it's hard for me to picture what harm that would do me.

I feel like ... I've intruded on some nice gathering where I'm not wanted.

Speaking only for myself here, I'm more concerned that you'll withdraw from a nice gathering where you are wanted. (Pretty avatar, by the way.)

[Fuzzybear]

I hope you stick around

[ladyjrnlist]

I've never met you, so I know I don't hate you. Sometimes, it seems that people who know each other around here already are in tight cliques, but I found that everyone is welcoming. You just have to talk a little and feel people out. You will find friends here. The best way to handle feeling like people hate you or are talking about you is not to care if they are or not. It doesn't matter, does it? You know you are a good person, right? But, I can tell you that it's unlikely that anyone here would hate you and I haven't seen any discussion about you either.

[pegasus]

Oh, I remember when I first joined, feeling like that and feeling like I was important. Soon found out that I certainly am not that important, just another member out of 138102 members here. Welcome aboard steph!

[Open Eyes]

((((((((((stephc)))))))))))

Hi stephc,

What you are feeling is pretty normal, many people come here and quietly try to share their issue in their introduction. Then it pretty much follows with an appology. A sense of them feeling like they are intruding or don't know what others here will think.

My first couple of weeks here, well, I was triggered alot. And there were many things I didn't know about chat and even the protocall. I was really going through alot outside PC and needed support.

I think it was my second week and I was really triggered and even thinking about leaving PC, that it may just be a way for people to hurt me somehow, I didn't really know. But, then I noticed something, I had made about 10 friends. So, thinking about that, I decided to give it another try.
And I went into a chat and someone was very comforting and helped me understand how to click on someones name and see what their issue was and how to whisper etc.

And then I got to see how it worked in a good way. People used it to comfort me and it really helped me overcome it being there and wondering if when it got quiet, well it didn't mean others were talking about me or making fun of me. It was a way to work on that feeling that you describe.

You have to give it time and realize that yes, other people can get triggered and you may not even know. But, it helps to understand how others feel and what other people struggle with, not only in PC but also outside PC.

Somehow we all seem to learn that here and see each other as people in repair. Are there going to be people that don't like you? probably, I have some of those too. But I don't dislike them, I actually try my best to understand them and try also to let them have their space. You are not going to understand everyone here stephc. But if your patient, you will learn things about others and even yourself. Sometimes its hard for me as I really want to get along with another person who may not like me for some reason. But sometimes the best way to do that is to just give them space.

If you go into a chat, try to say things that sound clear and reasonable.
That would be very beneficial and self healing for you. That may be something that you can work on here. You can also explain to others briefly that you have trouble in this area and you are trying to learn how to overcome it.

It can be a good place to work on your people skills and well, many people here are trying and they come here to share their private thoughts and struggles. Sometimes others don't have answers right away, it doesn't mean that your imposing or are unwanted.

I have met some amazing people here that struggled in their own way and they do often have self esteem issues and yet they are inspiring me. I can see how hard they are trying, they are all trying and they are so supportive, something that is good medicine.

Just about everyone comes to PC to try learn how to share and get support and not only understand their own issues but support others that have the same issues. So give it time. Try to not let yourself feel like others don't like you, no one here really knows you yet, and you have to keep in mind to try to work on making sense in a chat.

Try not to babble as that can scare others. Try to work at actually talking in ways that others can relate. That would be my suggestion and you don't aways have to talk in a chat, you can just read and see how others intreact. People do that too.

Ease up,

Open Eyes

[Can't Stop Crying]

I felt the same way when I first joined...then I got to know other members and other members got to know me...it gets better I promise, it just takes a while for people to get to know you. Hang in there! Once you post more, you'll find this is a caring supportive community...Welcome to PC

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by stephc

Hi everyone. I've been a bit on a posting roll tonight, but this is my last post I swear before going to bed. Also, was not sure where to post this too.

I'm very bad and making friends and I think everyone's going to judge me. I'm not saying I haven't felt welcomed here on Psych Central, it's just I feel like everyone's all talking together and then I'm the person and says something and everyone just glares at me. It's irrational really, I guess, I think. I feel like you all hate me - which I hope isn't true! - and I've intruded on some nice gathering where I'm not wanted. In case you think I'm weird, I am weird and babble a lot and thing I say are just odd sometimes. I'm just paranoid about people in general really.

So anyway, I was wondering if people had paranoid feelings that people were judging them on here or in real life somewhere?

hi steph, i understand what you are feeling. i found i had a lot of irrational ideas about myself. like "i must be loved/liked by everyone or i'm not a worthwhile person." this is one example of many i had. therapy helped me to deal with this in a healthy way.
please know we do care about you here at PC. i don't know you but saw your post. so there! i still cared about how you feel. the longer you stay a member you will find you have a multitude of ppl who become your PC friend. many of us for a multitude of reasons weren't validated irl. it causes us to question our worthiness.
i'm glad you posted. it took courage and you followed thru. i hope my reply may help reassure you. we are all here to receive support from others.

[Sanada]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Oh, I remember when I first joined, feeling like that and feeling like I was important. Soon found out that I certainly am not that important, just another member out of 138102 members here. Welcome aboard steph!

Nice one pegasus. Well said. All 138102 members are part of the 7-8 billion members of the human race. All members of the human race, though; are unique and special..x.x.x.

[50guy]

Everyone wants to be accepted, it's just a natural feeling and desire. I don't do chat and I don't post much. I will PM if people are interested in what I say or, who, what and how I am, otherwise........I am perfectly fine being left to myself.

[online user]

Wow, what an impressive response from Open Eyes! Hard to top that one. I would just say, you are anonymous here. You can find people to chat with and relate to. You can get to know them in part by reading what they write to others. You can join a chat, or send someone you think is friendly a private message if you like. I think PC is a pretty safe place.

Also, I always think that if someone is judgemental, calls names, or gossips about others, that is a reflection on THEM, not the person talked about or judged. What they say may or may not be true. But the fact they said something or thought something says a lot.

Every one of us have met people who were hard to like for us. They are probably somebody else's best friend forever! There are so many people here, you are bound to meet some with whom you feel comfortable and enjoy relating to. Hope you'll continue to write in.