[BatsAndButterflies]

There was an odd shift on my perspective of life the beginning of this week.

I don't know what happened and I'm not sure I like it or not yet.

I feel like I have more knowledge about some things and in chat I feel more comfortable talking and giving advice to others. I try to help everyone I can. Tonight, after I'd listened and tried to help with everyone else's venting and whatnot, they sort of all turned and told me to talk about my stuff. I told them I was fine. They didn't believe me, but opening up is not my favorite thing in the world. It's much easier to open up in the forums than in chat...

Another weird thing with this new view of life... I finally see how silly my dreams are. They feel so ridiculous. I think I've finally given up. No more fantasy rockstar dreams for me. It just feels like I finally see where everyone else is coming from when they say it's not realistic.

Even my friend says I seem different. I'm not really sure what happened to make me change like this.

[StitchIsAwesome135]

........

((((BatsAndButterflies))))As I recall, you weren't feeling too well over the weekend...
or even last week...with the dawning of a new week; you feel like a different person.

You can give others advice, and are able to reach out to others in Chat, but you won't open up there..you'd rather do it on the forums. Well, here you are!

You're on a forum now, OPEN SESAMEEEEE????? Let's have a look at it all---it saddens me to think that you have given up on your dreams. Yet I am glad that you sound as if you feel better about yourself with this new wisdom you have come upon.

Pax----------theo (I spy, with my little eye, my friend)

[BatsAndButterflies]

I really don't know how to explain it. It feels so weird... I kind of regret even posting this thread to begin with now...

Not to worry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's all good!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((BatsAndButterflies)))))))))))))))))))))))!!-------Pax---theo

Now, on with the games!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!smiling atcha!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pachyderm]

Is it scary?

[Sanada]

Having epiphanies is a good thing. A moment of clarity when things feel different and look different, and you just know that something has changed.

I love that feeling. Never give up on a dream (just maybe store dreams with other dreams), if the moment comes, its there to get it back.

[BatsAndButterflies]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Is it scary?

Extremely scary...

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

Extremely scary...

That's what knowledge can do to you -- especially if it is new to you.

[BatsAndButterflies]

I don't like it :/

[Open Eyes]

I am trying to understand. You now feel guilty because you had some dreams and then you started to doubt those dreams and now you feel lost, right?

Well it all depends on what you can do with music wether or not your dreams were unrealistic or not. From what I understand you are extremely artistic and passionate.
Being an artist is about thinking outside the box and considering possibilities. And being a successful artist is based upon how one expresses their artistic individuality and within that can connect with others that may appreiate that artisitc individuality.

Most artists are very sensitive people and they don't often think they are good enough to be a star. But it is those that concentrate on their individual style of expression and weather the storm of doubt and fear and critisizm that make it.
If you watch the biographies of most of the successful artists, especially in the entertainment field you will see a much different person than what is shown on a stage or in a video or even in a movie.

Often when an artist becomes recognized and popular and successful they are really taken by surprise. And often times fame can cause many stars to become overwhelmed and they find themselves either over indulging or some opt for seclusion. It can be very challenging and somewhere along the line they hopefully find a balance and settle into a way to handle this kind of lifestyle. And the majority of them will admit that they were not sure they would ever be a success.

So there is no guaruntee in whatever one choses to aspire to. The best way to deal with it is to make sure you have a plan B and maybe even a plan C. But if you are an artist it can be possible to do that as you have the ability to be creative.

Most artists enjoy psychology as well, that could be a plan B or using your abilities and creative energies to teach could be another plan.

I think about Lady Gaga or even Madonna. Both of these stars had a market strategy. And they didn't develope it at age 19. It took them time to be creative and make a decision about how they were going to market themselves. And we can see that in Elvis Presley and The Beatles (who never realized what a sensation they would become).

I think art can be a little bit irrational at times. But that is what makes it art.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

Extremely scary...

You say, "none of my problems will keep me from accomplishing what I want in life".

You need to print that out and put it on your mirror or someplace where you can see that every day. Maybe even write yourself a song about that. You can use the guitar for that, I wrote a lot of things fooling around with my guitar.

I loved music too. And I loved to sing and even fancied myself a kind of star when I was young. But that is common for many growing up.

I ended up taking voice lessons by a woman who was married to a songwriter and producer of musicals. This woman was working on my voice when her husband had a disagreement with her. He could hear me singing from another room so I guess he heard it differently. He wanted to make sure that his wife didn't try to change my "haunting quality" he called it. So in other words he could see I had a unique style and he liked it.

A local band came and asked the teacher if she had anyone that might fit into a female lead singer role. So the next thing I knew I was trying out for this band. And they liked me and we began to work on a repitoire of songs to take on the road. And I was a bit nervous at first but after a bit I began to feel comfortable on the stage. And I even began to experiment with what they now call rifting and I added my own style to all the songs I sang.

There was a lot involved in that life that I was not prepared for. The night life lent to creepy experiences that I didn't have the life skills to deal with.
I was singing in a very upscale dinner club and was approached by a producer who I was somehow supposed to recognize but didn't. Any way he offered to send me to Berkley School of music and back my future career. I had to go back and sing another set and he told me to think about it. And I did just that. And I thought about all the obstacles I had already experienced, being followed and attacked on stage and by my agent and other things. I then decided that I didn't want that kind of life and I never went back to that mans table. And I don't regret that but I did get to visit Berkley on my own and I loved it. I really wanted to go there but my father would not agree to send me there. And it did break my heart.

But I always used my art and my music in my life. I did try that life style and I had made a decision for myself. But the important thing was, I did try it. I did enjoy performing and the experience, I just didn't feel I had the abilty to handle what else that life style entailed especially on the higher levels.

Often we can have dreams of being something and some times people feel like they have failed if they don't get that specific dream. But that doesn't have to be the case. So having that plan B and C is helpful.
BUT YOU ARE NEVER REALLY GOING TO KNOW UNLESS YOU TRY IT.
No matter what you reach for in your life, it is always going to be "scary".

Oh and by the way, my most important fan in all of my past was my little daughter that enjoyed that haunting voice that sang to her at night from the moment she arrived. Children love having music in the home.

Open Eyes

[BatsAndButterflies]

Thank you so much for all of the support.

[DespondentDaisy]

Like your signature says, "keep calm and rock on," let it all sink in and try distracting yourself, get busy with your life, after a while, it won't be so scary afterall.

[Sunna]

A quantum awareness jump! Wow.

It does sound like a good sort of thing, even if scary.

Not sure what your dream exactly was, and why those than know you were telling you it's unrealistic. Sometimes our friends in their best intentioned attempts to keep us grounded are setting out to clip our wings.

I am remembering a saying that may apply to you. It was about another creative bunch, writers. There are people who want to write, and there are people who want to be writers. There is a profound difference between the two. Guess who ends up being a great writer?

I wonder if along with your quantum shift, your dream is morphing itself from wanting to be like someone to a different expression. Maybe your dream is dying the way the caterpillar must die to be reborn as a butterfly?

So, keep on rocking