***** or bust time

It is time for me to take some positive action regarding my life, I am sick of living hand to mouth, never having enough money to live, to be able to afford some ware to live, not being able to buy my son anything he wants without getting loans with extortionate interest rates ( you know the ones, borrow 100 and pay back 175) so at the end of the month I am moving back to London, for three main reasons:

1 My son lives there and I may have more chance of seeing him more often,

2 I will have access to mental health services on a daily basis if needed

3 I have just applied for a job down there, it is a job I used to do, one I enjoyed doing, and one I can do well, it will mean I have to interact with people on a daily basis, mostly in a confrontational atmosphere, but I can hold my own in that respect. It is not a job for the faint hearted.

I bet you are wondering what it is now, think of the worse job you can do, a job where it costs the customer money for a service they don’t want and definitely don’t need, every body hates them, enough clues lol, yes you got it right, it is a parking attendant.

The only downside I can see is the cost of living down in London is atrocious, I am going to be spending most of my money on private rent, at least I wont have to buy clothes as they are provided with the job, I get free travel so I will be saving money there, and a second job is not out of the question if needed. I will Probably do night time security, easy to do and little stress involved.

I know it might be to much to soon but I have to give it a try, my depression is not getting any better, my DID is getting worse, my anxiety is threw the roof, and the way I look at it I have nothing to lose, literally. After my last episode I really don’t have anything, the only thing left is my sanity and I am losing that, so I might as well go out with a bang or learn to live back in the real world.

I spoke to someone from the disability benefits office and told them I am going back to work ASAP, and was told if it don’t work out I can go back on me benefits, that’s not going to happen, it is ***** or bust for me this time, if I fail this time…………………………

Mellors, I wish you the very best! Your reasoning sounds good to me but I'm hoping you're not biting off more than you can chew. Only you can be the judge of that.

Sending all the positive vibes I can muster your way with all the best wishes in the world.

Mellors,

(((((mellors)))))

The plan sounds good to us, but we don't know the realities of life in the UK.
You sound like your stalled at the moment so it's probably worth it.

Good luck, & may everything go smoothly.

You deserve a better life, so go for it.
PM if we can ever help.

all the very best my darling mellors.

hopefully your prezzie is on it's way!!!!

xxxxx

sept there is no other way for me, it is all or nothing, enough is enough, i cant continue existing like this, i am not living i am existing and i cant continue to be like this, the only person whom can change me is me, if i dont try something, anything, the end will come sooner rather than later.

thanks for your support all.

Sounds like a plan mellors! Hey I didn't guess parking attendant (but I won't say what I guessed so as not to offend someone maybe here?)

And... what would constitute "failure" here? I dont see it. You are continuing to try to work through and find your limits... and have a plan in case you are pushing yourself too hard... nothing wrong with that! If you "fail" this time?

You will find another path.. make another plan.. etc But if you will go ahead and get therapy on a regular basis (if you can now) then do so.. and maybe much of these concerns will melt away from having worked through them? Good wishes!

Good luck!

Mellors, I understand your position, believe me! There comes a time when we just can't stay mired in our misery. It's time for action. If I worry, it's because I care for you, that's all, ok?

Please keep us posted as things progress so I'll know when to grit my teeth and when to send a great big "Hurrah!" You're a very special person, Mell.

I am very proud of you Mellors it takes guts to do so much to help yourself..its not easy and you rock for doing it
I dont hate the dudes that park cars..I love em I stay warm that way..that is when I had money to go to fancy places

i will be the one giving parking tickets, for parking illegally lol, and if there lucky they will get back in time before they are clamped or removed.

Mellors, all the very best of luck mate. I live very close to London and cant say that I like it, mind you I dont go out unless I absolutely have to. I'm not so sure about having access to mental health on a daily basis, the NHS is such a mess, it took me almost a year to be referred to my t and cpn and its a battle to get hold of them when i need to! Sometimes they only respond days later!! I'm not trying to put you off by any means, just telling it as it is. I wont even begin to mention disability and income support applications that I have made...................

All the very best of everything Mellors, you deserve the best.

Take care mate

hi tracylee, i lived in london for 12 years before i moved out and know everywhere there is to go to see free therapists, cpn's and case workers who all know me in north, south, east, west and central london, so nomatter where i end up i will only be a short walk or phonecall away from help.

if you go too any of the homeless shelters in central london you literally get accosted by them, even if you are not homeless, if you need help straight away there is always someone around who can give you a phone number in there of someone who will either come see you or speak to you on the phone within the hour, my bases are covered you might say,

to be honest i dont really know why i left london in the first place, because when i did i lost the ability of being able to call for help at any time of the day or night, in yorkshire the services are diabolical (18 months for my referal to a cpn) and in wales they are non existant, so it is for the best really that i go back

mellors it sounds like you have a plan and a backup plan if needed. I am glad you are going out to give it a go. Good luck and let us know how it is going.

i posted my cv online last night and this morning i was called by 2 differant companies offering me a job!!!! and i have a email list of other companies who want me to email them back, i declined the offer of the jobs that called, not enough cash, no benefits, and do i really want to sit in an office all day answering phones to irate customers, been there done that, i am a outdoor person, inside jobs never work out for me, dont get me wrong if one comes along i like i will take it.

the rollercoaster ride has begun, enjoy the ride!!!!!!!

Good luck on your new journey, Mellors! I admire your courage.

hey, im from london too. i went up west a few weeks back and loved it. you can take the man outta london,but you-well you know the rest.i think the diversity of london could really help you get back on track, everyones so different in a wierd way it makes you all feel the same.

good luck man.

OHHHHHH Mellors..I see now you would give tickets...hmmmm maybe then I would have to ask you questions to make you blush ...you know those we asked on another thread

Good luck I think youre doing great with this

you sound so positive , good luck with eveything you do, our thoughts are with you from us in cornwall,

nico i am a yorkshire man born and bred, i hate london, north / south divide lol, but after 2 years of little or no therapy, mental health teams, unable to find housing, or a job up here or wales, it is time for me to go back and try again. dont get me wrong i love yorkshire but there is nothing up there for me anymore, it dont help that i have a mix of a yorkshire/london accent, i dont really fit in in either but i have more oportunities down south. also i like the way you can be anonimous down there, up here everyone knows you by your first name.

thanks jax and katheryn,
sleeps bring it on lol, nothing makes me blush

i applied for 4 more jobs today, i am sending out has many applications has i can, and for the first time ever i am not bothered when the employment agencies cold call me after reading my cv online. i dont care what i have to do, i will have a job before i go to london in 3 weeks.

just want you to know how proud i am of you for taking charge like you are.......keep up the good work!

i got a second interveiw today for a job in wood green as a parking attendant, to start in january, it pays 12,000-14,000 a year, +2000 london waiting bonus, free travel pass, free parking, parkies never pay there tickets lol, and is only 10 miles away from where my son lives in enfield.

Rock On, man!!! You took the bull by the horns. I find your actions inspiring. Good luck.

OFF TOPIC!!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mellors said:

sleeps bring it on lol, nothing makes me blush

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Did I tell you about the new ice-pop clip??? Yep, them cheeks of yours will be on fire

Anywho.......

Good for you Mell. You're positive attitude is making me smile. You have been fighting for so hard for so long, you deserve something positive to come out of all your efforts. Know you are always in my thoughts, and I'm sending good vibes along with those kisses across "The Pond".

Much Love,
Dolfin