Others questioning my sanity - are they being mean or are they right?

First off let me explain a few things. I am severely afraid of judgement as far as the following topic goes and have been a victim of it on other boards, so please if you will, refrain from saying anything hurtful or going out of the way to make me feel like garbage for posting this. I and a group of friends follow this band. I don't want to name any names because they are celebrities and if I did name them, I am sure a lot of you would know exactly who I am talking about and I could possibly be a victim of prejudice as far as "fan bases" and social groups go. I have been called very nasty names for being a fan from my classmates and general trolling and cyber bullying. No matter who it comes from, stranger or not, being called names hurts. The band's fanbase has been given the stereotype of being a younger crowd mainly girls and the fact that I am 25, prompted a group of people at my school to accuse me of having a sexual attraction to younger girls which is extremely false and something I would not even THINK of doing. I am not the only one who is in their 20s that like this band. Actually, a good percentage of their fans are in that age range and because of the company they are currently associated with, the stereotype emerged possibly based off assumption, that only children and pre teens like them. I've been called everything from a pedophile to having delusions of erotomania. Before I get called a stalker, I am going to explain something. They publicly announced at one point in their career, what hotel they stay at when they visit NYC.It is even featured in the city's tour that takes you to where celebrities are mainly found or where they have homes. Those who are not informed of this, have told me to seek professional help because I have met them there several times and refuse to believe me when I tell them what I mentioned above. The band themselves have not responded negatively to my presence at this hotel, nor to the crowd of many others who do the same as I do. We merely stand outside on the pavement in front of the hotel eagerly awaiting a handshake, picture, or autograph in which the hotel staff has no problem in allowing us. It is not a matter of committing an illegal act that could mean jail time, something that a lot of people have jumped to conclusions about when judging me. I will admit I have a "thing" for the lead singer, which due to fear of rejection, being laughed at by him, and possible retaliation from his bodyguards, I have not told him so ,find even thinking about doing that a big "no no" in itself and feeling like there may be even a remote possibility of he being attracted to me a reason to question my own sanity. My fear about this whole thing is that I really am suffering from delusions of erotomania, as I am accused of by those who are aware of that type of behavior, and that this band is putting on a front for me but really going "she's here again?" once they leave, although they mentioned several times in interviews that seeing familiar faces makes them feel "accomplished". I am fearful that because I have studied body language in the past and use the knowledge I have on it in meeting this band and my attraction to the lead singer that it's consistent with the belief that a person is sending subliminal messages of attraction to the patient suffering from erotomanic delusions. I am fearful that I am excluded from that statement in the interview. I do not know how to handle this. I do enjoy following this band, listening to their music, going to their concerts and meeting them at this hotel with my friends. In fact, if it werent for this band, I would not have the close friends I have today. It has not negatively impacted my school work, in fact, my gpa went up dramatically since I started doing this and was a few points from making Dean's List last semester. But what I am wondering is if I am acting in a bizarre manner or are people just being downright mean, cruel, ignorant and judgmental because they know little about the social group I belong to and assume it's one way when it's possibly the opposite. I need to know what to say to these people, and how to deal with the social phobia they put me into. I am fearful of judgement to the point where I won't even wear a T-shirt of the band. So far my coping with the harassment is to just assume that everyone on campus is a "hater" and to say " i prefer not to say" when asked "what music do you listen to?" because to some, it is like discussing religion and politics and people judge you on your music taste at the drop of a hat in college, even question your IQ level.

Hi ~ I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing, as long as it doesn't interfere or impact your school work and general life. if that was ALL you were doing, i'd be concerned -- but I don't see a thing wrong with it.

I would NEVER have thought about pedophilia or erotomania!! That never entered my mind, and I'm surprised people are saying that. How ridiculous! What's WRONG with being a fan of a band?

I think you just have to consider the source, when people say hurtful things. Some people just aren't happy unless they're making others unhappy. Some folks just have no tact -- and others like to get a bit too nosy. There's just no accounting for some people!

I know it's hard, but try to let the remarks roll off your back. Unkind people aren't worth your time worrying about. Don't let them live "rent free" in your head.

Best of luck & take care. Hugs, Lee

If your primary peer group is the young girls, then perhaps your interest here is unusual. However, if, as you indicate the band attracts a wide following then, really what's the problem?

IMO, in college, people are judged for everything, not just their taste in music. For some, it's their first plunge into independence and they themselves are still trying to find their place. For them it's usually about defining what they are not. Unfortunately, it comes at the expense of others.

We all have to find our way in this world. If you enjoy this, and it is hurting no one else, then I say have at it.

In my day we followed Phish and the Dave Matthews Band, before that the Grateful Dead. It's all good, and good fun.

Hi lisaxtiffany.

i have friends that have seen over 600 Kiss concerts, have tattoos of all of the members of Kiss on them and so much Kiss memorabilia I've never seen anything like it.
I have other friends that have seen Dave Matthews 100 times, followed the Grateful Dead around the US and Europe...camping out around every location
Women used to throw their underwear at Elvis.

We all get crushes on celebrities.

I don't know if you have a problem with your crush on the band but it doesn't sound like it- I think if you like their music, and you like going to see their concerts, and the band hasn't kicked you out of their hotels or called you a stalker, then you are probably fine.

It sounds like you are one of those people that tends to be the victims of bullies...i feel for you because I was one of those girls too.
The people that are saying these horrible things about you - they sound like those 'mean girl' types....they prey on the sensitive and those of us who are percieved as weak. You know you aren't doing anything wrong and they probably do too - it's because you are a little different from them that they feel threatened. I think if you got your courage together, on your own or with the help of a professional, you could confront them, for trying to damaging your good name, and tell them to f*** off!

Good luck!

The groupie has existed for a long time and is not exclusive to just a band or singer or entertainer. There are all kinds of groupies, Star Trek groupies and there are constantly bands and singers that always have their groupies that will defend everything about them and they are simply the best etc. etc.

But there is a reality to it that many groupies do not see. The actual person is not what is presented. What IS presented is an illusion and for the person or group of individuals who are a phenomanom it is very hard to actually be themselves. And often their lives are very confused and constantly invaded. If you were to spend time watching the biography channel and see why lies behind these human phenominoms you would see a completely different picture. After all they are just human and are far from the fantacy and presentation.

So you have to ask yourself how much is illusion on your part and how much is real.
Do you have a true picture or are you letting yourself get swept away with a whole illusion? There is no harm in enjoying a presentation of music and some form of art or even ideal. But you have to be careful that you maintain your own identity and separate fact from fiction. And it is not uncommon for people to form groups around certain conditions that they gravitate to, even sports teams and the list is endless.
Entertainment is very healthy and motivational. But it is important to acknowedge the reality verses allowing yourself to be swallowed up by the illusion and presentation of that illusion.

For example many women often base an illusion of the most desirable male mate. For many years it was Cary Grant. His on screen persona was very inviting and appealing. However even Cary Grant wished he could actually be Cary Grant. And many women were disappointed that they never found Cary Grant for a mate and often felt their life was never fulfilled because of that. It reminds me of a friend who's standards were set so high that she still remains single and lonely and often a bit bitter. I can still hear her woes of I wasted my life or my life was not fair or I wanted this and that and never got it, no prince charming and so on and so forth.
And there is such a thing as being over selective and unrealistic about life expectations.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying a presentation or an artist or whatever. As long as you have a life that is realistic.

Open Eyes

Therapy, 5 cents: are you close to your parents? ie have a warm affectionate relationship with them? I always viewed my mother as Marilyn Monroe - beautiful but unavailable. I thought that's how mothers were supposed to be. For a while there, I thought I was the only person who could help Michael Jackson, and I never even saw him. But meeting celebrities has been a significant (though not large) part of my life, and this is a common reaction to parental rejection, I think I read somewhere.
Also, I knew it wasn't really safe to get close to my dad or really any of the many aunts and uncles. Their touch, their fingers digging into my sides, their leers, all felt creepy. I KNEW that any affection towards children was suspect. I don't think you're a pedophile. I think you might be unconsciously acting out other people's unsafe feelings towards you, as I was and discussed with my Ts for a long time. We can be like tofu, bland and easily able to absorb other flavors. Is it lunchtime?

I commend you for keeping up with current trends in music, too many of us get stuck at what we liked by early 20's and stop there!

The only problem I think you might have is caring too much what "strangers" think (school peers who tease or taunt you). If you have friends you enjoy and activities you enjoy, why do you give any attention to random others? I can't imagine most people being quite so virulent on first meeting as you seem to claim. If I were to say I love "bubble gum music" (I'm 60 :-) I might expect a stranger to tease me or laugh at me, etc. but what do I care what they think? If there are were a "group" of people who know my interests and go out of their way to tease/taunt me, I'd go out of my way to play up on their teasing; I'd be loading my mouth with bubble gum while they watch, the pinker the better :-) and wearing silly, frilly teeshirts!

Wear your teeshirts proudly and if they state they think you have a sexual attraction to little girls say, "Aren't they cute!" not like you have a sexual attraction but just that you think young girls are cute (which, they are :-) Act more like a young girl yourself and act like their comments don't bother you; if you are not bothered, you're no "fun" to taunt/tease and they'll look for somebody else to bother.

But the huge, whole story you told us above, why go into so much detail? No one else needs to know your business besides yourself and your true friends! Ignoring unkind comments in a "pleasant" manner or figuring out how to "agree" with some of them, robs unpleasant people of their ammunition. If you yourself are worried about some aspect of your behavior, go see a therapist and see if a professional thinks your behavior is a problem to yourself (doesn't sound like it if your grades are doing well, etc.). If your behavior is a problem for someone else, it's their problem to let you know and figure out how the two of you can "fix" that problem.