What do your responses to posts say about you?

I have just been reading through some posts and it became apparent to me that there can be a range of responses to the same post. Trying to put a little of what my T teaches into practice about different perspectives of the same situation - I wondered whether there is value in exploring what our own responses to posts say about ourselves and where we are in our healing / recovery?

I've been making a conscious effort to self-moderate my posts. I tend to be rather candid and it can come across as being blunt or rude. I find myself reading over previews of my post and asking myself if my response contributes or if I'm being needlessly confrontational.

I'm very opinionated in political, religious, and ethics discussions so I tend to avoid them like the plague. They do, after all, bring out the worst in people.

TL;DR I see my posts as being a little more sanitized than I'd prefer, but I'd rather say too little than say too much.
Edit: I'm editing to avoid saying to much, coincidentally.

Hi SoupDragon!

I think that's an excellent question; I've been thinking that (without realizing it) for some time now. I slip in and out of forums and read the posts; a "thanks" here and there-----but I keep my opinons and actual responses to myself. I rarely respond; if I do, it's because I feel the OP may get something from my sharing to help them.

I responded to you and three others in the last 6 months. They were very difficult posts to write. I used to be able to respond to everyone on all the forums.

I have become much more selective about posting. I prefer to read what others have to say. I learn much this way. I am also not a good sport with regards to the critiques on how I am supposed to feel. Naughty theo!!!

I have been known to write an entire post, submit it; and delete it within the hour. I am unable to handle the wonderful arguments, at times, I have been completely ignored!, and most oftentimes, have had to accept the complete misunderstandings of others when they react to my post/perspective...a bit more tolerance, and kindness would be nice...but that is not their failure; it is my inability to accept their point of view. Be it on my head. I like me, you don't--oh--la di da!

What do the individual poster's responses/perspectives say about them and where they are in recovery at the time of the posting?

From watching objectively, reading each post from my silent seat; they tell me everything.

Good idea for a thread!!! (((SoupDragon)))

oops! I'll be back to delete--too long, and too many arrows headed my way! Gee!!! You quoted me---snag me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!uh oh---can't delete HELP!!!!!!The arrows are on their way>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>gimme a spider to walk>>>I wanna start a band, and I'm completely EVIL, and a terrific Malingerer>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>outta here-Pax! theo really--Pax?????Pretty Please? with a cherry on top?

Ha ha - thought I'd respond before you get the chance to delete Theo - My T tells me this journey is about being interested in myself and I am so with what you put about posts that may trigger something in us and for us not to jump in and blame the person who posted, but to be interested in the feeling it evokes for us and where that may originate from. I am so glad you have responded to my posts Theo, I have learned much from you that is helpful to me. Thank-you, SD

I too sometimes find myself deleting / editing - I think I am sometimes worried that I may offend, appear over-bearing etc.. Still trying to work out what those worries mean for me. Thanks SD

Interesting topic/thread! When I first joined PC a few months ago, I don't think I filtered myself very well. A thought-provoking discussion occurred in the depression forum about encouraging, in a sense, depressed individuals by posting "I understand how you feel" and similar sentiments. I think I was guilty of that, although I meant well.

I get frustrated by not having the knowledge, experience, or even the "right" words to console someone who is clearly in pain. (That said, a big THANK YOU to you, Theodora, for your kind response to my agonized post in the Relationships forum a few days ago.)

I also find it hard to stay on top of this forum, because it is so big and "moves" so quickly. I feel guilty, for example, responding to some posts and not others, for fear of looking like I am favoring some members over others, when that is actually not the case at all.

I will have to give more careful consideration to my own posts and explore what they say/indicate about my own mental state.

Again, interesting thread!

P.S. I tend to edit and delete a lot, too! Glad I'm not the only one who does that.

I edit and delete SO MUCH. I try to be very positive and supportive when I respond. I also tend to compare the situation with a personal experience to better communicate a response.

Most everyone has opinions (sometimes I am too apathetic to have one). I try to keep in mind PC is a support Community. I also try to follow the advice in the old saw ... "My mother always told me that if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all."

Many times, I simply do not know how to respond. I either wish the OP well, or say nothing.

That's kind of how I am too. If I don't really have any knowledge on the situation I just try and offer support :/

I just watched Bambi with my kids at the weekend and that is what Thumper says :-)

Thanks for this - I am someone who can get quite low at times and actually for me it is helpful to hear that someone understands - I don't share much, well not anything reallly, with those around me, so personally it makes me feel less alone to hear someone say they understand. It is all so boundaried and appropriate with T, it is refreshing to get some real human (well in a virtual internet sort of way ) support.

Okay, I've learned recently that it gets old to other readers if you keep posting how much you love a website, but I can't HELP it. It's just so WONDERFUL to see you guys share your feelings and vulnerabilities (not like I'd ever want to see them be abused because you've made them clear). I'm just speechless at the responses to these posts. SO sweet and wonderful. Really great question, SoupDragon. And hey - Walt Disney is my favorite businessperson right now, because he's by far the most intrinsically interesting guy to study (for me anyway). Did you know Bambi lost money? I just read that last night.

Hi Silverbells - thanks for this - I felt energised just reading it - this is a great site isn't it. Oh no I didn't know Bambi lost money - it is such a lovely film, amaxing drawings - that's a shame.

I like this thread even though I didn't really understand the question.

we are what we are, most people looking for informative and supportive responses, dont always get what you want but you might get what you need

Well, if there was any doubt about my DID I am sure my replies will clear it up! I think it is funny when I disagree with myself in the same thread! I would delete but I try to respect what my other parts have to offer.
This does lead me to explaining and apologizing a lot!!!!!

"I have just been reading through some posts and it became apparent to me that there can be a range of responses to the same post."

Like many others, I tend to do a lot of reading and consider whether the posts and responses might help me in my own life. I know I've done a lot more reading than responding, that's for sure!

I have noticed that people seem to respond based upon how they read into a post. Maybe their responses are based on how they are feeling at a given time or based on what similar experiences they might have had.

There have been times when I've been floored by how others respond to posts. My responses (whether I post them or not) are often completely opposite. When I do respond, usually I try to find the positives in tough issues even though others seem to be jumping on the bandwagon and criticizing someone's choices or the advice they received from other sources.

I can take blunt, hard truth - but I bet most of us really appreciate kindness, support and concern.

Oh, sorry for going on here...

It says i am lost.

Even @ PC

Which is a shame.

I have a journal where I do lots of sketches of how I am feeling as I struggle to express it in words. I have many pictures of mazes, of being stuck in them aware that there are exits, but being so lost inside and not being able to find the way out. I then swing between feeling hopeless, helpless and frustrated. However I tell myself the way out of the maze is to just keep walking, I might find myself down the same wrong path many times, but eventually I will recognise that as the wrong path and gradually find my way out. I am still in there, but I think can more easily identify some of the dead ends.

Warm wishes Sanada

lyib: it would be like - if someone read the remarks you posted on this website, what would they be able to realize about you as a person, if they didn't know anything else about you?

And SoupDragon, it's okay, because Disney just kept going. He knew he had a great product, he just had to get the BUDGET right!

I basically just try and support them as best I can... I tend to read some of the other brilliant posters than feel kind of dim myself then feel stupid when I try and offer my own slice of help. I try though.

And even Walt Disney was - well, he wasn't actually lost, but there were certainly times when he felt like he was - and he had his entire business yanked out from under him by his DISTRIBUTOR! He had to start over from scratch. And he was an UTTER pioneer - he rented this TINY little space and set up six desks and just had his freinds come and animate for him and he hoped like **** it would work! S'wat Ah'm SAYYYYYIN', Sanada. I've been reading a lot about business success - especially for women - (forgive me if i'm sounding like a broken record but I'm telling you this stuff works ((or at least it's DELUDING me into feeling a LOT better ))) and my favorite author of late re: getting yourself out of that maze is Barbara Stanney - she has an incredible story - she lost everything - and started studying six figure women (this post is about money, but I think it applies to any area of life when one's stuck, really), and she interviewed oh - probably hundreds of them and her message boils down to the fact that they're just as scared of being frauds as anyone else - they just keep going. They don't let the fear stop them. It took me a LONG time to get this thru my head (because I was so SCARED! ) but once I got it - and I had to just WRITE her sentences over and over again - I was like: "Eek - I cannot BELIEVE how much better this feels than the trap I've been in." Oh, I really am afraid I'm starting to bore everyone. I'm going to try to stop preaching now (I think I'm PMS!). The point is that I'm sorry you're feeling lost Sanada. Life can be SO difficult.

Sometimes when sitting with my T, it is enough to have my T just sit quietly next to me, sometimes for me this is better than trying to concentrate on anything my T may be saying - sometimes it is too hard to listen to my T. It is the same for me on here, sometimes even just a picture post is enough to help me through the hard times - to know that someone cares about me at that moment.

I have written then deleted many posts as I can't find the right words to say and I worry what I say may be the wrong thing.

I'll be honest, quite frequently I read a post and I'm like


I try not to respond to those posts because it is after all a support forum. It's hard though...

for me, soup, it reinforces the positives in my own growth when i reply to a thread. makes me know i've made progress in my own well being. hopefully my posts/replies help others too.
if i feel i have nothing to offer to help that person i usually reply to acknowledge that person. everyone needs validation no matter who they are.