[inkblot]

I have possible job options. I got a letter from psych stating that yes I am okay to work and got that faxed to the doc at the Navy. Now it is up to her if she wants to pass me. There is an opening expected in the there possibly in January, whenever the disability goes through for the person who is working there now. If the doctor decides to pass me now, that job could potentially be mine.

I also got *two* offers from a very large, local mail-order pharmacy. The schedules are regular, but something to be desired. One is Monday through Friday 3-11:30pm--I would never get to see my T! My T only works in the evenings. In order to see him during the day I would have to be a criminal inpatient at the county mental health facility and that is NOT my option. One of the offers includes every Saturday, but I have my kids every other weekend so that is out. This place also requires mail-order prescriptions in their health benefits (of course), and I hate the idea of doing mail-order for several reasons. I am a pharmacy tech--I know what can happen so I prefer getting prescriptons filled face-to-face. Health benefits would start at 90 days, and I don't think they cover pre-existing dx's--for a year, I think. I am SCREWED if that's right. It would make for easy tax deductions.

I am not sure how the government health benefits work around pre-existing and everything. I know they have several plans to choose from.

The Navy job is in a different county, and the cost of living is cheaper there--cheaper for the Chicago area, that is. More crime and "bad" areas. The traffic is horrendous! It is also by Lake Michigan, so I would be in for alot of lake-effect snow/weather.

The other place is local, and this area is expensive. But we don't have as much for the lake-effect weather, and there aren't as many "bad" areas. Of what we do have, they aren't as bad (from what I hear) as some of the areas near where I would go to for the Navy job. The pay rates for the jobs are similar for dollar amount. But take in the cost of living factor, in that then the Navy would pay more because rent is cheaper up there.

A local area Target also called me today asking for an interview--for a team leader! That's about the minimum pay position I'd even consider so I scheduled the interview. Their pay is really cheap. If she was calling on something else, I may not even think about it. I know that a team leader starts around $9-10. I'm not much for them. I know their benefits suck, besides other things about how the place is run. I would have to make sure that me being homeless is top-secret if I ever do work there because they already "fired" me once at a new employee orientation a couple years ago when I was homeless then. I had to mention it because of something about scheduling that came up, and my caseworker back then said it had to be done a certain way for people who needed job/late arrival privileges. As soon as they found out, I was told, "Sorry, we don't need you." and was firmly asked to leave. So, with everything I know about and have seen, I would be very particular about working for them. Even then if I did, I'm not sure I'd stay for long.

I'll keep you updated. Still freaked about money--very freaked! I have no clue what to do about the car. I couldn't drive to my usual shelter site last night because the snow was freezing to my car window, even with the wipers going on high. I have got to get that blower fixed somehow! I have no heat/defroster or anything for air in the car right now. It's too dangerous to drive with it like this. And there's the rear brakes that started squealing. I still have to think about Christmas presents for my kids. And doctor bills, and other bills, and oh my! I need to start a job *NOW*, not in January. I won't have anything left by then. I wish I knew what to do about these jobs!

[DocJohn]

Sounds like a lot of good options to consider! One of the things to keep in mind is to focus on the really big, important things you look for in a job. For instance, if one thing is stability, Target might not be right for you given their past behavior. The mail order pharmacy sounds promising. Sometimes things aren't quite what they seem and you don't know how good or bad something really is until you give it a try. I'd bet your T would help find a way to work around the schedule difficulties, or refer you to someone he trusts could take care of you in the future.

Good luck and keep us updated!

[January]

((((((((((((( Inky )))))))))))))

Doc gave you some good advice about the job offers. I hope you can work things out about your car. I do so understand not having the money to fix it when you need it. You are in my thougts and prayers.

Hugs,

Jan

[inkblot]

Thanks guys. I am just so scared about everything tonight!

good luck on whatever you deside to do ink, my fingers are crossed for you.

[inkblot]

I talked to the place that gave me two job offers. They were able to change the hours to 11a-7:30p M-F and e/o Saturday. I am now expected to start that job on *DECEMBER 19th*!! (That's the day after my birthday, by the way.) Anyway, I am scared. Natural, yes, but this will be my 4th job this year. The first was temp-to-perm that ended after the contracted 4 weeks. This new job is at the *same place* as that temp job doing pretty much similar stuff but in a different department. This company has VERY HIGH productivity expectations. How am I going to handle this? Last time I was under so much stress having PTSD symptoms from being stalked. I am scared how long this job will last, how well will I work and will I meet their expectations? I had already contacted the vocational rehab office and my new caseworker called me today. I didn't expect the job to want me to start before the new year--I am very surprised. The caseworker and I were supposed to first meet on Dec. 29, and she said that she wanted to talk to my new pdoc then to find out if I even should be working or could it be too stressful. I think admitting the reason I lost this last job made her want to talk to the pdoc even more on whether or not I should work. The Adderall he prescribed seems to have totally fixed that. I have no urges to cut anymore. I told her, and though it was good, it didn't matter. I am still trying to figure out the dosage on the Adderall. It's hard to *really* test the drugs effects on me when I am not working at a job. I don't know. Maybe I am just feeling stressed about money and its making lazy now. I started out being more productive on it, so why would the higher doses make me go back to my "old" ways? When I first started it, I was working. How am I going to know what my right dosage is if I don't have a job? How do I know if I will do okay at a job mentally and physically until I actually am working? And then what if I get too stressed? I will look at friends, family, anyone, and feel like a failure because I couldn't handle it all. That's negative, yes, but I *HATE* when people say things about it. My ex-husband and his new wife (another B*)is alot like that, constantly degrading and insulting me. I've had enough. I haven't even told my ex yet that I lost my job a few weeks ago. I am afraid to. I don't want to put up with more of his BS then I already have to.

I left a message for my new ORS caseworker about the job and wanting me to start next week. I don't know what is going to happen now.

A small part of me is excited about the prospect of having good paychecks again. And my own cubicle to decorate! The rest is frightened. As if I hadn't already said that.

[EJ711]

Ink,

Congratulations on your new job!

I worked at a Fortune 500 company for 17 years, and was then laid off almost four years ago, because of my age. Have had a really tough time since then, finding a job, which is a good fit.

Bouncing in and out of jobs is not much fun. Will say a prayer that this job, will be a great fit for you.

EJ

[SS8282]

(((((((((((inky))))))))))))))) way to gooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it is scary, but you can do it. I know you can! Wow - what a great Bday present woohoo!

[(JD)]

(((((inky!)))))

[Wants2Fly]

Inky, best wishes for stability in this new job. I do so much admire you . . . you are like the Energizer Bunny -- you have had so much to cope with, and yet you keep striving. You are model for others with mental illnesses.

[jennie]

inkblot . . . have you ever tried group therapy (with other women with PTSD)?

[inkblot]

My new ORS Vocational Rehab counselor has abandoned me. I didn't say anything to her yesterday about the job offers when she called, other than I was waiting to hear back from someone about a possible job. I didn't want to tell her everything because I didn't know what to do about the scheduling problems or if I would be able to get a different schedule approved. She said to let her know if I got a job offer before we meet. Well I heard back from the company and and I was approved for a different schedule. I will be able to see my T now, but my availability for it will be very limited. I called the caseworker back yesterday but she had already gone for the day so I left a voicemail. She called me back promptly this morning and dumped me. I was hoping to have some support from this new caseworker. Instead she dumped me before my file was even officially open. She said, well she called within only a few days of the referral, right? I said, actually, I put in for a referral for the FIRST time almost or just less then a month ago. It took 3 attempts at this! Darn government! I wouldn't have to go into this new job so blind if I'd gotten their help right away or if she would at least stick we me for follow up. But I know, we are numbers to them and she won't get any points for me because I found the job before they ever decided to finally talk to me.

[EJ711]

Inky,

I'm impressed by your intelligence and perseverance!! It's crazy that the system's about numbers instead of people. I don't understand why they don't understand that people need support on the other side of employment too. Do you think you sounded too competent and confident?

We're not going anywhere. So talk at us as you need to.

EJ

[inkblot]

I am "high functioning", so they say. I imagine that I did sound too "good", but I also did sound scared and unsure. I am still very scared this job won't work out for me or for them. I don't know how to make the car payment next week so it doesn't affect my already bad credit. I called the bank but was left with the worst options. Basically, they want money. The only potential way of deferring payment one month and adding it as an extra month on the loan is to let my credit get alot worse in doing it.

I am trying to pay other bills late as well after I get my first paycheck in January. I called my T's billing office and they very nicely said they would defer billing until next month. There really aren't any other bills that I can do that with. I had another car repair today so I could drive the car safely--that was $187 after they kindly and slightly reduced the price for my situation. I still have to get rear breaks done--about $170. I just paid a whole month of income ($600) for a wheel bearing about 7 weeks ago. The other two things creeped up over the past two weeks. Why everything at once?! Especially when I lose my job in between them! I haven't had any chance to rebuild my bank accounts. I had to charge the repair today, like I did half of it last time for the wheel bearings. I have very little room left on that card now. It's a small limit that I got just for emergency, like sudden car repairs. If it weren't for that card, I'd have literally nothing by now--but severe, extreme stress! That card has bought me some time--literally.

I so have to keep this job! I don't know how I will get my kids the presents they want for Christmas. I will still need money for gas for the car. The other bills. I won't have enough for everything due over the next couple weeks. I have alot more number crunching to do.

[EJ711]

Inky,

I've been in a similar situation the last couple of months myself. No car repairs, just more bills than money. After having an excellent credit rating all my life, I have decided it's not the end of the world if it slips some. Any family members from whom you can borrow money for presents for your children?

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to pressure yourself about having to make your new job work. If you can do this, I think you will have more psychological energy to enjoy the holidays. Again, it's easy for me to say, but either the job will be a good fit for you, or it won't.

Feel free to PM if you'd like.

EJ

[lonewolf]

Inky i am sorry to hear of your situation,it is never easy to not have a roof over our heads!

I would say Target is not a good place for you,you seem to have anxiety just remembering how they treated you b4 ?BUT if you can just hang out long enough to find another gig,then go4it.

Navy job,does the move pay4your kids 2 relocate too?You may consider quality of life even if the pay's lower?Maybe you can also take advantage of their training programs.Then you can get a better pay rate.Guess a job with a future, education upgrades is a better option?

If you are homeless,are there any state funds for you to repair your car somehow?Sometimes if you are disabled, there's funding4medical transportation.Do you know anyone who is a mechanic,pay4the parts?Labor is what kills you4car repairs

I loved Chicago when i visited,but i know it's very pricey.

[inkblot]

I am due to start the job at the mailorder pharmacy on Monday. I still haven't decided how I feel about it. I am releived about the paychecks! I just hope they keep coming and don't end for quite a while. I saw my T last night and he asked me something about if I'll be okay working--meaning is it going to stress me out. I don't know. From the way he asked, I am guessing that he isn't very optimistic on if I'll be keeping this job. There's comfort. But it is good to "see" his opinion. That should help prepare me just in case. At least I know ahead of time what he thinks. I should have asked him specifically about his opinion, but he tries to be very supportive and I doubt that he would come straight out and be entirely honest on what he thinks will happen. He would word things so that I get an answer without an answer. That's ok. Maybe we'll surprise each other.

It takes too long applying for disability. I need money NOW so I have no choice but to take the job. I got the car fixed yesterday so I have heat again and can use the defroster when it snows so I'll be driving safely instead of blind. They gave me a small discount because of my situation at the garage so I only had to pay like $178 for a new blower. I know there are state funds available because an old, perverted ORS caseworker of mine used state funds to fix my breaks a few years ago. I wouldn't go back to him, but tell ya, its been tempting to do it just so I'd get the extra funds for anything. I don't like to play those games that he wanted though--I don't want to date my caseworkers.

[EJ711]

Hi Inky,

I see myself, when I read your posts.

Do you suffer from trying to please people?

The approach I would take on your new job, is to just go in, and try to do your best each day. Did you ever hear the saying, "Do your best, and God will do the rest." If you shouldn't meet their productivity standards, then you're not meant to be there, and you will find something else.

That's AWFUL about your former caseworker!!!

Life puts us in some tough situations at time, but WE CAN pull ourselves out with a little help from your friends.

Waiting to start a job can be the pits. Monday, right?

Jane (your neighbor to the West)