Recent threads have dealt with finding meaning, vulnerability and Maslow's hierarchy. What follows is an agglomeration of links to articles and a video I have previously posted in threads with similar topics. The authors use different terms and have somewhat divergent views on how to get where they think we should go. Nonetheless, I find similarities of thought abound.

The Secret to Being Authentic You – Authenticity, Part 1
Five Essential Steps to Authenticity – Authentic You, Part 2
Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability:

Dare To Be Yourself: http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/21307
The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance: http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752

There is a lot to read and listen to. I found the time spent well worth it. I will end with Dr. Athena Staik's response to a comment:

Stabby
I like this a lot, I have kind of know this for a long time but only partially made progress with it. Things are rolling along slowly but smoothly.

One nit-pick, do we really want to love the terrible parts of ourselves? Wouldn’t a better idea be to accept them as parts of ourselves so as to better deal with them, but still regard them in a negative light so as to banish them?

Athena Staik, Ph.D.
Excellent question, Stabby. When it comes relating to our painful emotions, it works similar to the old adage “make friends with your enemies.” It is not easy, it takes courage, yet the process strengthens, grows and stretches us out of old comfort zones. In truth, the cultural view of painful emotions as “negative” and something we want to eliminate or “banish” is actually at root of the problem. It causes us to think or “interpret” painful emotions as weaknesses, defects, or indicators that there is something wrong with us or a loved one. Thus we miss valuable data and signals. Essentially, painful emotions are there to teach us and to guide us to living a fulfilling life. More so than pleasant emotions, they are like compasses that inform us where we are in relation to where we want to be. While they will never cause fuzzy feelings inside, it’s so important to learn to get “comfortable” and tune in to see what is going on inside. It may be, for example, that the hurt feelings we feel are telling us to change a limiting belief we hold, such as “I’ll never get this right.” Thanks for commenting! http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relati...-authenticity/

[Gus1234U]

i was taught a most enabling meditation, called "Feeding the Demon" (within); it involves accepting and cherishing our defects, our pains, and our despair, and giving them the same nourishing love that we give our strengths, assets and endowments. in this way, we become a whole person, not wasting time dividing ourselves (into the accepted and the unaccepted, the laudable and the abhorent). i can say personally that this has been a major facilitator on the pathway to mental health, and psychosomatic health. i hope those of you who read the above post will give it serious consideration. best wishes,, Gus

[Open Eyes]

This was a very good thread Byz. These therories is how I lived my life and I raised my daughter to do the same. I also looked for what I called the weak spot in students and I challenged them without their knowing it. It was a part of my teaching that I enjoyed the most. And it is why I only liked to give private lessons.
I have to say that when I lost so much it affected me in ways that I could have never imagined. And when I was diagnosed with PTSD, I really thought it was temporary and did not realize how it progressed without my really knowing.

I have been doing nothing but working at identifying it and slowly pulling it apart for the past 5 months. This group of articles is a gift, something I have been working on and even waiting for. I have been talking about it ever since I came to PC. It wasn't anything I read, it was just what I believed and was often critisized for having and yet it was depended on. I never used to dwell on what I couldn't do in life, I just kept going forward to see what I could do. And I was presented with a lot of obsticles in my life. But somehow I just kept pushing past them, and it wasn't easy. The one connection I have had with that part of myself is coming here and addressing different questions. And I have been working on the faith that the brain can heal, but it takes time and effort.

THE INCREASING RATE OF DEPRESSION AMONG THE YOUTH OF TODAY?
THE ANSWER IS THERE, IT IS STARING US IN THE FACE.

I have talked a lot about the harm that is caused to so many children out of so much ignorance. And I have seen the handing down of child rearing methods that only lend to a constant elimination of producing a child with a healthy outlook on life.
And I can't help but consider this fact to be one of the main reasons for the numbers of children expressing depression today. All I hear is the youth of today constantly saying they feel terrible because they don't know who they are, they dont have any core and the self esteem levels are so very low. So many messages are being sent to them to actually know who they are and see if their image falls in line with what is considered desirable today. And my never ending message is, stop worrying, your not going to know for a while so give yourself a break.

The expectation level we put on our youth of today is much too high. And we have been so flooded with images of what we should be that it is understandable that so many feel that they will never measure up. Why? Because they are given images that are not even real, just avatars and they are presented with images of a prefered look that is never going to be them, as we are all unique and we are not designed genetically to all look the same with the same features and body types. Children grow up with so much subliminal imagery that when the time comes that they begin to look and take note of their own image they have difficulty relating it to all the imagery that has been handed to them since early childhood. And a lot of what I hear is the dis-satisfaction of self image.
It never gets beyond that and it becomes a major obstacle for self hatred.
THAT IS WRONG. This literature only just touches on that but it is a start. I would like to see a stronger addition to this that helps our youth to counteract how they are unknowingly being presented with what they should look like and all of a sudden they should just know who they are, that is not realisitc. Reality is you learn and take in knowledge first and you learn about who you are by slowly applying knowledge in a unique individual way. The celebration (as these articles describe) is in the uniqueness of ones self, not the conformity of an unrealistic expectation prescribed by the commercialization of imagery, what is valueable and deemed successful.

I think this information should be somewhere that it remains accessable to everyone that comes here full of questions. Maybe we could have new a forum, the Library of answers forum or something to that effect.

Open Eyes

[madisgram]

It may be, for example, that the hurt feelings we feel are telling us to change a limiting belief we hold, such as “I’ll never get this right.”
boy can i relate to this quote. before CBT therapy i felt doomed. i feel it fed into my depression.
dealing with these negative beliefs in a constructive way i knew was needed. it was painful to even reveal those inner thoughts to my T. thank goodness i trusted him enough that we discussed them. dr. ellis's book A guide to rational living helped me also. i could identify with every false belief i had about myself in his list. i often cried while learning to toss much of the misinformation i had carried around so long. i'm a work in progress but now i have the tools...rational. often i need to look into myself and analyze my thought. is it real? do i really know that for a fact? all this started in my childhood and each layer was applied til adulthood. i had a lot of onion peeling to do. i went thru the pain...i emerged on the other side with more wisdom and a healthier self. i learned to love myself and be more accepting of self. i learned i would never be perfect, tho i once thought i had to be, and feel comfortable in my own skin. i continue to work on it. i have certainly not mastered this completely. life is a journey of self realization.

[Open Eyes]

You have come a long way madisgram and your work to do so has been a gift to others as well. And I know you have fought against layers of negetive input over many years and as they have mentioned here, you learned how to do it to yourself as well by treating yourself as others have treated you.
But you are proof that one can change that and it is in layers as you describe and it does take conscious effort. But it can be done no matter what age a person is. It is not about condeming the layers but seeing how they effected you and learning how to overcome the effects they had on the way you treat yourself.

Open Eyes