Cancelling appointments at the last minute?

Does anyone else here do this? I've gotten in trouble over this a few times already. One doctor won't be able to see me anymore unless I keep the next appointment they've made for me. I had access to a psychiatrist who does not charge any fees, until I was gently but firmly told by my therapist that I won't be able to see her because I kept cancelling on her. I don't understand how I could be so inconsiderate. I either can't make myself get up in the morning, or I feel so depressed that I can't bear the thought of getting dressed to leave the house.
For the moment I know not how to start patching up this odd dilemma, but just knowing that I'm not alone might help...

I have to say that I have had an issue just like this.. My previous T told me sh could no longer see me because I canceled on her too many times..I was too tired too depressed or I just didn't want to hear what she had to say. Now I am kicking myself for it because I am trying to get back into the same clinic after a relapse and I am not sure they are going to let me...

I did this all the time, Having really good intentions when I made the appt. Then thinking no harm done if I don't show up or cancel. This was my thinking...... I was not important, no one would miss me or can't let them see me like this. But then I thought it really wasn't fair to them as their time is important, they could have been seeing someone that really wanted to help them selves. No one can fix me but me! I try to keep appointments now.

When it comes to other people, I get too anxious about displeasing or inconveniencing them so I show up, on time and at their convenience. If other people are late, I'll wait forever too (same on the phone).

I think both sides of this problem come from not feeling good about ourselves.

OR IF I'M LATE!!! GMA45, you have totally hit my tardiness issue! After being told a bajillion times growing up that we don't matter, we are not special to anyone, no one really cares - it's a miracle we show up for our own lives. People say the tardy are selfish, valuing their own time over others', but I don't like to wait for someone and have the stress of thinking they are not coming, because why would they want to see me? Sorry if this is confusing, but thanks for the insight. Upshot is, yes, it's hardest for the people who may need it most, to even GET to therapy.

I think not showing up for appointments is only justified if a call is made before the cancellation or there is an emergency,of course. Someone else can be moved up if they need an emergency appointment. It's just not fair to other patients. We all want to be seen ASAP in case of our own emergency, and the opening you free up can be given to someone in crisis if the office has enough warning.

If you're so depressed you can't make appointments to help yourself, you really need a psychiatrist to get your meds adjusted, not a therapy appointment.

This is kind of harsh IMHO, not everyone's meds (mine included) are that magically effective that they overcome the deep depression to the point that they can recognize AND act on behalf of the needs of others over the depression. Isn't that kinda the point of depression? Speaking for myself, I have a good psychiatrist and she and I have adjusted my regimen many many times, but I still have times when depression wins and I can't get out of bed, and therefore miss appointments. I DO think it's the more responsible thing to call and notify the office and I manage to do this most of the time, even if it's an hour before the appointment, but I can easily see that some people would have difficulty doing this due to the GUILT/SHAME that is felt when the depression prevails. More guilt and shame piled on about how unfair this is to others isn't helpful.

You're right, I did come across as harsh and I apologize.

All my Dr's / T's charge for appointments that aren't cancelled 24 hours in advance. My family Dr. charges $45 for a missed 15 min appointment, My T charges a $165 for a missed appointment, my addictions Dr. gives you one free missed appointment and then charges you $120. I find knowing that I'm going to be paying for it anyway, is real motivation to keep the appointment.

splitimage

Maybe you could view forcing yourself to get out of the house for therapy as part of your therapy? Would your T be willing to do a session over the phone if you really just can't drag yourself out of the house?

As for not being able to get up for morning appts. why not schedule appts. in the afternoon?

You are not alone. I was late for everything I had to go to for most of my life. It seemed like it came from some sort of compulsive procrastination. You don't sound like an inconsiderate person. I think the tendency to be late is some kind of a disorder of its own. But that kind of is neither here, nor there. It basically becomes a habit that is incredibly hard to break. The best thing people could do for me was to not tolerate my being late. It is actually good to have some bad consequences to the lateness. Breaking the habit is still very hard.

It is great that you are taking responsibility for this behavior. One way to keep the pressure on yourself to change and to recondition your mind is to never make lame excuses for it. It really doesn't even sound like you do that, which is good. Some people with this problem stay in denial that they have a problem.

Whenever I'm late, I apologize and offer no excuse. If someone asks, "Why are you late?" - then I say "because I really should have gotten going earlier than I did." This is one of the hardest habits in the world to break, right up there with cigarette smoking.