[SpearOfTheLance]

I'm a bit nervous so please bear with me, as I try to describe this behavior I've had since I was a child. I am posting this here to try to see if you experts know what I have.

Since I was a child, probably starting as a teenager (now in my 40s), I've had this urge to turn on and off things while thinking of someone/something and how 'off' would hurt them and 'on' would bless them. now I consciously know now and when I was a kid that this is impossible, that I have no power over the universe based on my behavior, but I still do it.

Let me give you an example :

Light Switch - turn on = good turn off = bad

Let's use a sports team. Say I am a fan of the New York Yankees and hate the NY Mets. So I think of the Yankees when I turn ON the light switch, thinking somehow this action will give them good luck on the season. Then when I have to turn off the light switch, bad, I think of the Mets, who I don't like and wish finish in last place.

But I don't do it once, I do it maybe 4-5 times , meaning on/off sequence is one time, so 5 times would be 10 flips of the switch.

Another example is if I see say my mother walking in front of me, I take a deep breath (good) thinking that this is going to give her good luck. and Then exhale (bad) when she is gone or exhale on something I consider bad (like a NY Mets logo).

I think you get the jist of what I am getting it.

So what is this? I've had it since teenage years. I don't do it 24/7, but maybe parts of the day, and I don't think it affects me in my daily work or life. LIke say I am driving , I don't do this because I know it may cause an accident,etc....

I remember maybe in my 20s in college I controlled this for around 6 months by TELLING MYSELF this is non sense and to quit it. I had the power to do so for 6 months, but it crept back into my life.

I do it daily, only at these times - when I get out of the shower and I am getting dressed, I do the light switch thing when needing to turn off the bathroom light. When I park the car after driving and I touch the good luck charm on my dashboard maybe 4-5 times.

As I said, while I do this, I know my actions have no affect on anything I am thinking about.

I don't think I am crazy but it is not normal right?

Does anyone else experience this?

What would this behavior be categorized as?

Is there some kind of cure?

Thank you for reading this.

[PTSDlovemycats]

It could be Obsessive Compulsive disorder or it could just be plain old superstitions. Have you asked a doctor or a therapist about this?? If it is OCD, it could be treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Best of luck to you in figuring this out.

[SpearOfTheLance]

I've looked up OCD but im not sure that's it.

but lol as you said, it might be stupid superstitions. As a kid, I was very superstitious.

Is there any type of therapy to make me get rid of these if they're only superstitions?

[SpearOfTheLance]

Thanks for the response.

I don't think it's OCD, I googled it but I don't think I exactly fit into it.

LOL - I think you're right about it being stupid superstitions. I was very superstitious as a kid. Maybe it's just become a habit as an adult and I am use to it? I am not superpositions as an adult.

Is there some kind of cure for this if it is just superstition?

It's difficult to diagnose over a computer, I would recommend you go for therapy to explore this issue. From what you described, it is OCD tendencies to feel you have to complete this ritual and have 'power' to control good or bad by fiddling with the switch. Superstition has high correlation in OCD as again, you feel control with completing certain rituals to control outcomes.

CBT and DBT may help with the things you are describing.

[Inedible]

It seems a little odd, but it doesn't sound like it is something that takes a lot of time out of your day and it doesn't sound like it is harmful in any way. It doesn't sound like something that needs a label, and unless it starts to interfere with your daily life, it doesn't sound like it is worth trying to break the habit. Just watch it. Trying to make it stop is more likely to make it happen more often.

[Lostime]

Habits are easy to find and define. A habit is an acquired pattern of behaviour that often occurs automatically. Superstitions, however, might be defined as a necessary habit which is often not based on reason or knowledge of why it works.

[SpearOfTheLance]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

It's difficult to diagnose over a computer, I would recommend you go for therapy to explore this issue. From what you described, it is OCD tendencies to feel you have to complete this ritual and have 'power' to control good or bad by fiddling with the switch. Superstition has high correlation in OCD as again, you feel control with completing certain rituals to control outcomes.

CBT and DBT may help with the things you are describing.

Thank you but what is CBT and DBT?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - CBT. CBT works on changing your thoughts
Dialectical Behavior Therapy - DBT. DBT works on teaching a skill set to tolerate emotions.

[SoupDragon]

I am no expert - although maybe on the path of becoming an expert to deal with my own stuff though.

I posted on here before re: labels / diagnoses and what I learned from here and my therapist (T) is that labels are generally unimportant and it is our behaviours that are the things to be interested in. I spent a while thinking why a diagnosis was important to me, what it would bring me and the pros and cons of having someone's view on "what I was" - my T also told me that everyone is a little bit of this or that from time to time, all behaviours to some extreme are within normal human behaviours.

So no, I wouldn't want to take a guess at what you may "have", but if your behaviours are bothiering you or bothering someone else, or impacting on your functioning in life, I would agreee with other posts, to get yourself a T and do a bit of exploring. Good luck.