how can other people like you, if you don't even like yourself?

i have self esteem issues and able to admit. i see a million things wrongs with me, and i don't care how many people "compliment" me or claim they are jealous of my figure or face, because most of the time i believe they are being sarcastic or making fun of me and it hurts, there were times that i would hold in the tears and when i came home from school i would cry for hours. i ingrained the belief that i will never be the beautiful, skinny, modelesque girl into my head until the day that i look in the mirror and think that. and i also hate how because of these insecurities i have just faded into the background. i lost my personality and what made me interesting. i have no confidence, i don't speak up anymore, and i always look like im depressed. its just sad. but i just dont know how to fix myself anymore, i honestly cant remember the last time i felt happy anymore. im not an honest person anymore, this isn't me! i feel imprisoned in my own body, its like there's this evil sadistic part of me that enjoys making me feel worthless because i know that in the end its just me standing in my own way. many people including my family have told me that im not the same person anymore, my sister told me a completely different person who looks exactly like me has taken my place. she says she can see it in the zombie like way i trudge around each day, how obsessed i am with how the rest of the world sees me, and how i used to love being in the sun and now i cant stand the sight of it. so how do i fight against myself or this imposter who claims to be me?

Hello, la bella vita. Others can like you because they see what you refuse to acknowledge or choose to ignore. Is professional help an option for you?

http://depression.about.com/cs/psych.../cognitive.htm
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/fix...e-distortions/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-part-the-cure
http://thoughtmedicine.com/2010/04/t...nge-your-life/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...-inner-critic/
http://www.recoveryhope4all.com/negative_talk.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...essing-you-out
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/48485

You have work to do. Good luck.

I have had so many struggles in my life as have you and others who will never share their thoughts and feelings with others. Let me start by saying that you are one brave soul. A lot of what you are saying is very revealing and fall under what I like to call 'words unspoken.' Y seem to be sincere about what you say. It may just be the thing to get others to open up and say what is really true about them as well. For now I will say 'GOOD FOR YOU.' I hope those reading in the forum will add their support by at least acknowledging what you have to say.I know for a fact that you do not hate yourself; you simply hate being where you are with your life right now. I spent most of my life hating where I was and interpreted this to mean that I hated myself. Please spend time breathing and getting to know yourself for who you really are. I know that sounds like a lot but for now, my hope that you take the hand of the child in you that is waiting for, and needs your promise to care for her. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP. IAM 64 and I WILL NEVER GIVE UP. Be at peace.

anyone out there is more than welcome to message me or respond.

may be others see something good and beautiful in you. if they say something to that effect, believe it. people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. i have been a empty shell with nothing inside. i felt i was walking around dead. but with time, i have become better. cin1

fortunately, we are not in control of what others think and feel, even about us... people will love you and befriend you, even when you don't know why... ain't that a nice thing ? best wishes,, Gus

Ditto ~ la bella vita!

That mentality is due to my self-hatred, deeply ingrained in my psyche. Getting around my negative thoughts and patterns of thinking isn't easy or overnight.

It takes time and effort to understand what has brought your self-image down so low! Then, accepting these negative thoughts and beginning to challenge the process. That's taken me 2 years to begin ~ and I'm just now deciding that it's okay to not automatically turn down compliments. I feel like a jerk every time my bf compliments my beauty or body (and want to hurt myself), but I don't have to do what I am tempted to do.

It takes time. I'm still anxious to see if some form of self-love kicks in. I'm automatically negative. Wouldn't mind dying a miserable death, in a second-person sort of way?? But I won't plan and impose it upon myself either. Don't know if that makes sense to you at all. Just my thought process...

La and Bella Vista,

You sound like you are somewhat young still, if I may be right that might be good news for you as your very wise about who you are and what your going through at this time. Im thinking some significant event has happened for you to feel so bad about yourself and numb to the world in general. Maybe try to do something thats positive every day even though you may not care to or feel like it. Please take care.

rainwater