[AAAAA]

My youngest son went off to Marine boot camp on the first. We both knew that there would be a culture shock. I grew up in an abusive home so I never ever wanted my children to feel that they were worthless, helpless or powerless. Unfortunately that is a very large part of phase one of boot camp. He went in with his eyes open. It is one thing to hear about what is going to happen and another thing entirely to live it.

Today we FINALLY got our first letters. Enclosed in one envelope was a joint letter to my husband and I, one for his older brother and one for his twin. In the second envelope there was one for me, one for hubby, and one for his twin.

With my older two children I was their favorite person in the world growing up. I was their mother; that was as it should be. It was sometimes difficult raising children where I knew I was number two from day one. My twins have been closest to each other then anyone else in the world. From the cradle the nurtured, soothed, supported, and entertained each other. It was such an amazing thing to witness that I did not feel slighted most of the time. In their teens it was a problem because they did not have to come to me or their father with their problems, they had each other.

When I opened the letter I started reading the twin’s letter first by accident, stopped immediately and found my letter. I knew it was coming. I knew how he was going to feel, I tried to prepare him but it did not make it any easier to read. He did not go into detail, just made a couple of comments and asked if we would still be proud of him if he did not make it. I immediately wrote him another letter full of support and encouragement. Then I read my next letter. It was slightly better, but still so depressing. As I said, I knew this letter was coming. My brother is a Marine and he has been wonderfully supportive and warned me what was to come. The websites suggested in the brochures told me they all felt this way and it was part of the process.

I texted the twin at work to find out when he was going to break. I waited three and a half hours. I just couldn’t stand not knowing. I knew if the recruit was going to be straight with anyone it would be his twin, I had to know how he was really doing. I read the twin’s letters. I broke a trust I swore to myself I would never break.

As soon as I finished reading the rest of the letters my son text me. Apparently a friend of the twin’s saw my FB status about getting the letters and the twin texted me to see if he had gotten one. I told him yes he got two and confessed to reading them. He is so angry at me and I do not blame him one bit!

[KathyM]

((((AAAAA))))

This is one that is just going to have to slide. It is completely understandable why you would read that letter - especially after reading your own. I remember being on pins and needles while my son was training with the Seals in Pensacola for the Air Program. It doesn't matter how big and strong they get, how far apart they are from us, or how much gray hair they have on their heads....they are still our babies.

Hopefully your son will accept an "Oops, Sorry" and leave it at that.

[charlie'olts]

I've been through this situation too. My twin brother left for Marine boot and he sent all of our letters in the same envelope to save postage and push-ups. My step mom read all of our letters and didn't even feel bad. I was kind of angry about that because my brother and I share thoughts and such that we'd rather other people not know. But I understood that she missed him and just wanted to know everything she possibly could. I know the feeling of just seeing a hand written letter from your soldier/marine and seeing paper they held, how precious it is. You will be forgiven, but you need to forgive yourself as well. You are only human, and you reacted the way most family members in your situation would and HAS

[AAAAA]

Thanks so much Kathy.

The twin that is home said something to me charlie that I think you can relate to. He said that it was not just a violation of his trust but also of the recruit. They too have a relationship that allows them to share everything. Now do I tell the recruit? He's having a rough time (hopefully this phase of boot camp will be over soon) and I do not want to give him the further worry that he cannot share with his twin the things he needs to. I will never do this again, I will ask to read the letters but respect my son's decision either way.

I just cannot wait until the end of October when this will all be over.

[KathyM]

I hear ya AAAAA. I would have preferred the agony of labor pains over the worry of not knowing what was happening to my son.

I wouldn't say anything to the recruit. It's very possible your son wrote that letter at a particularly low point, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to stay there. As brutal as it appears, this is a chance for him to prove something to himself - to see his own strength. With my own son, I noticed a big difference in him, but all in a good way.

If for some reason it's too much for him and he needs to quit, I would wait and cross that bridge when it happens.

Til then, I'll keep you and your son in my prayers.

[AAAAA]

I do not fear him quitting or not being able to make it. He's intelligent and hard working. I would prefer having my appendix taken out with a dull rusty knife to having any of my children unhappy.

I will happily take those prayers. I pray God gives him the strength to endure this temperary hell. I also hope that he will turn to Him to find that strength.

[AAAAA]

The twin got another letter today and let his father and I read it "because there is nothing personal in there". This letter was such a drastic improvement in his mood. I can see my son in there again. Our prayers are working! The twin is feeling bad because his own confliction was preventing him from writing his brother. He does regret that now.

[lynn P.]

(((AAAAA))) - I don't have any wise advice because my girls aren't older like yours are, plus I don't think I know more than you lol. You're an upstanding mother and they're lucky to have such a straight forward, honest mother. Don't be too hard on yourself and I hope everything works out for your son. He must be home sick and having a hard time adjusting .... being away from his twin. Boot camp is not only hard physically but draining mentally too I suppose.

[AAAAA]

Thanks Lynn. The topic of privacy is one of my buttons. I remember my mother reading something I wrote when I was about 8 and absolutely ridiculing me for it. It took me a while to realize she was reading my diary as well. It was embarassing!

I've always told my kids that I would honor their privacy as long as I did not feel their safety was at risk. I would absolutely go through their rooms, computers or diaries if I felt they were a danger to themselves, I make no secret of that. But this was lack of impulse control. I should have just waited until my son came home from work.

[lynn P.]

Well at least you're admitting your weakness and not denying it to your children. Some parents never admit they're wrong. I give you credit for that AAAAA.

[AAAAA]

Thanks.

[charlie'olts]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

Thanks so much Kathy.

The twin that is home said something to me charlie that I think you can relate to. He said that it was not just a violation of his trust but also of the recruit. They too have a relationship that allows them to share everything. Now do I tell the recruit? He's having a rough time (hopefully this phase of boot camp will be over soon) and I do not want to give him the further worry that he cannot share with his twin the things he needs to. I will never do this again, I will ask to read the letters but respect my son's decision either way.

I just cannot wait until the end of October when this will all be over.

It will probably be easier for your recruit actually because in that phase of training, or being away in general, you reach out to whoever is gonna hang on. It is a very different environment in boot or soi, so anything to do with home is usually pretty forgivable. Best of Luck!

[cin1]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

My youngest son went off to Marine boot camp on the first. We both knew that there would be a culture shock. I grew up in an abusive home so I never ever wanted my children to feel that they were worthless, helpless or powerless. Unfortunately that is a very large part of phase one of boot camp. He went in with his eyes open. It is one thing to hear about what is going to happen and another thing entirely to live it.

Today we FINALLY got our first letters. Enclosed in one envelope was a joint letter to my husband and I, one for his older brother and one for his twin. In the second envelope there was one for me, one for hubby, and one for his twin.

With my older two children I was their favorite person in the world growing up. I was their mother; that was as it should be. It was sometimes difficult raising children where I knew I was number two from day one. My twins have been closest to each other then anyone else in the world. From the cradle the nurtured, soothed, supported, and entertained each other. It was such an amazing thing to witness that I did not feel slighted most of the time. In their teens it was a problem because they did not have to come to me or their father with their problems, they had each other.

When I opened the letter I started reading the twin’s letter first by accident, stopped immediately and found my letter. I knew it was coming. I knew how he was going to feel, I tried to prepare him but it did not make it any easier to read. He did not go into detail, just made a couple of comments and asked if we would still be proud of him if he did not make it. I immediately wrote him another letter full of support and encouragement. Then I read my next letter. It was slightly better, but still so depressing. As I said, I knew this letter was coming. My brother is a Marine and he has been wonderfully supportive and warned me what was to come. The websites suggested in the brochures told me they all felt this way and it was part of the process.

I texted the twin at work to find out when he was going to break. I waited three and a half hours. I just couldn’t stand not knowing. I knew if the recruit was going to be straight with anyone it would be his twin, I had to know how he was really doing. I read the twin’s letters. I broke a trust I swore to myself I would never break.

As soon as I finished reading the rest of the letters my son text me. Apparently a friend of the twin’s saw my FB status about getting the letters and the twin texted me to see if he had gotten one. I told him yes he got two and confessed to reading them. He is so angry at me and I do not blame him one bit!

you know that reading the letter was wrong when it wasn't to you. it is done, so you feel really AShamed about that, today is a better, different day. you hopefully learned that isn't something you should do. cin1

[AAAAA]

Originally Posted by cin1

you know that reading the letter was wrong when it wasn't to you. it is done, so you feel really AShamed about that, today is a better, different day. you hopefully learned that isn't something you should do. cin1

Oh I knew I should not have done it at the time. That is what bothers me.