[Myzen]

Hi folks,

I've noticed that now and then someone says that they are going away from PC. Sometimes they say that they are going for a 'break' or sometimes for good.

This 'going away' feeling is such a big part of our illnesses and it happens so often. I have had a couple of times when there was an almost irresistable urge to wipe PC off my bookmarks list, and I just managed to beat it both times.

Unfortunately I don't do so well in 3d and I have moved on from situations quite a lot without ever going back.

I guess what makes PC so different for me is that I know it exists for my kind of person, the kind of person who can't cope with conflict and cuts off the phone as soon as I sense trouble at any level.

So, when I read a post from one of us about 'going away' I certainly understand the motivation, but it also makes me so sad that this happens for us.

Good thoughts,

M.

hi myzen.....hope you had a good holiday.....and yes it is sad that we feel this need to leave or disconnect at times.....i've had a couple of those close calls myself when i thought of leaving PC...i'm just thankful i came to my senses first...lol...i stay not only because of the comraderie but also because its the only place that i feel i can come and go, give and take, give support or just listen, laugh and cry,.....well you get the idea.....lol.....even when i don't understand myself....someone here seems to...lol..you myzen and so many others here are blessings to me......

[LMo]

well-put Myzen. I wanted to post something about the very same topic, but I couldn't find the right words. You did it well. Thank you!

[BlueFaith]

Yeah, I understand completely what you are saying. Heck, I've said I'm leaving here twice in the past few weeks. But then I remember what I have here, and I begin to miss everyone. Then I realize that leaving here is not the right thing to do. I think I've realized that for good now. I don't want to leave PC at all... ever.

It also makes me sad that this happens to us here. But, like you said, some of us have walked away from difficult 3D situations without ever going back....and sometimes we may think that's the best way to handle the situations here at PC, too.

I'm just happy that I have PC and all the wonderful people here... including you, Myzen.

[Lexicon78]

I've also wanted to leave PC many times, but the thing that keeps me here is the people here, the support I receive, and how much I care for everyone here. Yeah, I get mad or hurt by some people's posts, but I just have to suck it up and get past it.

I wish people would just stay, but I cannot have my way all the time. lol

[Myzen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MentalPollution said:
Yeah, I understand completely what you are saying. Heck, I've said I'm leaving here twice in the past few weeks. But then I remember what I have here, and I begin to miss everyone. Then I realize that leaving here is not the right thing to do. I think I've realized that for good now. I don't want to leave PC at all... ever.

It also makes me sad that this happens to us here. But, like you said, some of us have walked away from difficult 3D situations without ever going back....and sometimes we may think that's the best way to handle the situations here at PC, too.

I'm just happy that I have PC and all the wonderful people here... including you, Myzen.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You said it all MP, that's just how we work through it. I always think it's good to get stuff out in the open here at PC - for many of us I'll bet it's the only place we can really speak up about the issues.

Best wishes, folks.

Thank you dear Myzen!

You said it in a way I couldn't have. I have also left for short period of time and a couple of times that my 3D world didn't give me any choice but to do so. But I always come back because I need all of you and also becuase you need me too. I know I am not always totally down in the pit and at these times I know I can help someone who is because I understand what it is.
So I guess we need each other. So good! We will not completally leave.

[jmo531]

Another great post Myzen !!!!

I have had my share of attempts of leaving this place as well. I beleive 2 to be exact. It is the need to isolate for me. Its what I am used to and what I am good at. I also know that it is something that I need to change with in myself because it doesnt work to well in the long run.

I have made great friends here. Not only to share ideas and advice, but to laugh with as well. This place is a true blessing.

Thank you Myzen


Huggles,


jen

[LMo]

I guess the point I feel strongly about is that if you need a break, just take it. You don't need to announce it. I wouldn't equate the "I'm leaving" announcements to burning a bridge, but if you just stop posting when you need a break, then you certainly don't need to slink back in as if you failed a goal you had set. PC isn't something you should be embarrassed about coming back to... it has helped pretty much every member here, right?

I am with you on this one LMo. Nobody should ask permission to anyone here to come back and nobody should feel embarasse to come back.

The only thing though is that it is sometime nice to know that people will leave for a short period of time so we will not all worry that something bad has happened to this person. So, I know that for myself I have already done this before, just posted a short message to say that I was leaving for a short period of time and that I will be back when I can.

I don't know maybe it is just the way I think. Anyway this is a nice thread.

[BlueFaith]

Yeah, I understand how it could come across as an announcement. The only reason I ever said anything about leaving at all was because I didn't want anyone to worry about me. I see where you're coming from though, LMo.

[LMo]

Actually, MP... I wasn't referring to you, because I understood why you left and why you let people know you'd be gone. It was more of a general comment after people coming/going/coming back over my 3 years here!

[BlueFaith]

Oh, I didn't think it was directed solely toward me. I was just saything that maybe that's why some people (other than me) announce that they are leaving here. That's all Thanks for clarifying, though.

[SeptemberMorn]

LMo, if you won't say it I will. It's the people that do it as a habit that becomes burdensome. They forget that there are people with ABANDONMENT issues that get triggered, whether the person "announcing" is a close friend or not.

MP, you didn't trigger me, Hun. I also didn't know how bad a time you were having and I'm sorry for that. Maybe there's something about your personality that does NOT say "Game Player," ya know?

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

We are really dealing with this.

I have the 'announcement' issue myself, and it has dogged me through the years. Gosh, the number of letters and notes I have sent to people when I don't feel like coping with them (or anyone) anymore!

IMHO the need to let people know that we are taking a break is a big part of our illnesses. It is a way of saying to people that our barriers are still active.

For me, announcing has always been a way of letting people know that I am not getting along so well, with them or with myself. Some people came to know me so well that they could guess just when I was going to do it! That used to really upset me. It felt so patronising.

I have an issue just at the moment. I am due to MC a poetry event on Thursday night this week and every muscle in my body wants to run. I am having a real struggle not to send out the cancellation emails!

September, I always respect your opinion, although I do see the need to take a break as an unavoidable symptom of our illnesses, and I believe that all the symptoms we have hurt us deeply - we certainly don't choose them! I always remind myself where we are at PC and why we are here.

MP - I wasn't using your post as an example; we all feel the need to break off sometimes, and I was appealing to everyone, not to anyone in particular. Didn't mean to press your buttons on that score.

LMO - 'Burning bridges', LOL, I could do it for a pastime! In fact I have done. Sometimes we do need to get away from a certain situation, but it gets habitual and it's not a good strategy in the long run (as you rightly said, Jen).

And the last thought - we are still here. For some of us (me included) just staying with a support forum is a big victory over the illness.

Good thoughts, M

[Overcastbutclearing]

I don't think people who are posting about leaving or going away are actually thinking they are making an ANNOUNCMENT on PC. I think they have so much going on in their head they are trying to do what is right although there is conflict w/in them.
We all handle stress, anxiety, hurt etc in different ways.
So, what one might not do...one might feel is best for them to do.
Put it in a perspective that we all deal with things differently and then maybe people's post about going away or leaving won't be a trigger or burden for YOU since it has nothing to do with YOU but with the PERSON posting.

[BlueFaith]

Thanks, Myzen. No one pressed my buttons, though. I'm fine. LOL

[SeptemberMorn]

Myzen, I've read and re-read your response to me and I'm not certain that we are understanding each other. Maybe I wasn't clear when I spoke of the "announcer." Not ALL "announcers" are game players and certainly NOT you. But like I said, SOME get in the bad habit of announcing they are either leaving or taking a break and don't mean it. They know it's a way to get several responses begging them not to do it and it satisfies their egos... until the next time. And so it continues.

It is understood perfectly that most of us at one time or another need to step back from what goes on in this community because of our own illness. I've needed some time away myself. We use our time away constructively, but there are some that use US and OUR illnesses to satisfy their own needs never realizing or caring that some may suffer from the Abandonment and/or Separation that is felt. Fortunately... or UNfortunately, I've come to know when someone is about to "need a break." That's something you say has caused you problems. Speaking personally, from me to you, it has never been my intention to behave in a patronizing manner with this happens... and I'm sure I haven't done it with you. However it is that you do it, it doesn't come across as "GIVE ME ATTENTION!!" You come and go naturally. You do it with respect for yourself as well as respect for others.

Maybe I've made myself a bit more clear this time.

[tamzinrose]

But their are some people who say they are leaving and don't get any responses. And if they're doing it to boost their egos, they are misguided.

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

We are a good bunch of people and no mistake. I so respect the way that we treat each other, and the care we take with our posts. I've never felt pressured in any way at PC and long may it continue.

September, please feel free to voice any views you like; your posts are always interesting and I've always enjoyed them. You've never upset me at all.

I've had a few communication problems in my 3d life, but not here.

I think I can feel a group hug coming on!

Cheers, M

[LMo]

Excellent perspectives, Myzen and SJ!

[Mystry]

I wanted to go...really I did, but I found myself coming back and not logging in...sorta felt like I was spying...I do need this forum, it's a start...and I only announced I was leaving because you all seemed genuinely concerned for me...I like coming here and I get alot of info from you guys...but the next time I leave... it will not be announced and I apologize if I offended anyone by my coming and going...

mystry

I understand you and have noticed the same thing which is why I have decided not to respond to those that say they are leaving.

Some are serious and some are there for the attention.

sometimes I don't know which is which but have noticed a pattern that happens alot that people post they are leaving and then either don't or come back after watching their leaving thread as not logged in or invisable status or they have said they are leaving and while they are "gone" a post or two to a thread appears by them which shows they are not actually gone.

Because I don't know the person in real life and I don't know what is behind their post on leaving I don't respond to them simply because their coming to Psych central to begin with didn't involve me begging them to come here so their choice to leave or stay shouldn't involve me begging them to stay and so on.

I like the ones letting everyone know they are taking a break because people do worry about members be it on line or real world support groups.

But the leaving and back on line I don't understand that because if someone is so unhappy with a real world therapy or support group they just don't go back. they sometimes privately let people they care about know they are not going back to the group anymore and thats that. Sometimes without even notifying the facilitator. In the real world people come and go in therapy and support groups so thats the way I see on line therapy and support groups.

[LMo]

What do you mean 'the next time I leave'? Why not just stay?

[Mystry]

leave as in going to the loony bin...exiting stage left...falling down and not being able to get up...that kind of leaving...

mystry