Serious Distress!

It's awful. Everything has gone perfectly horrid now. My boyfriend did finish with me, even though he says he doesn't want to and that he can't handle having me being ill and that i need to get better. I hate this, if he wants me why can't he just make me happy like he was doing before? The reason i brought it up is because i hit him when he sais something nasty to me. It's got to be the tablets making me so angry.
I cried to the doctor today and he's upped the dosage of efexor, and given me some kind of drowsy pill to help me sleep.
I'm stuck and i can't figure a way out.
I want so badly to sort myself out and get a job and friends and be independant. I just can't get the motivation to do it and something always pushes me back on the ground. Since my parents divorce and being abandoned by my mother, i've felt as though i've just beeen crawling along and when i met the boy, it was like he picked me up and held my hand and was pushing me to start walking on my own. But because of that one bad incident and i hit him in the face, i feel like he's just thrown me back to the floor, all the while kicking me and spitting on me.
I can't eat or sleep and i think this is the lowest i've ever been in my whole life.
I don't know.

Demo, I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time of it. It's pure hell, I know. BUT...!!

If your boyfriend had hit you and had expected YOU to be responsible for his moods, you wouldn't have accepted that, now would you? Best thing for you to do, like I have done in the past, is take care of YOU. Do what you need to do for YOU to achieve your desires, like being independent. That will never happen as long as someone is pushing you to do it. Your T and us here can support you, but the real work has to come from you.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? They are the ones that know meds best. They can change or regulate what you are on for the best effect on YOU. This would be my first step towards health and independence. Good Luck! We're here for ya!