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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: Io. Near Jupiter
Posts: 1,034
13 224 hugs
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Sep 25, 2011 at 05:33 PM
#1
Its been now one and a half years since I have had anybody irl to call a true friend. Where I live it was once a wonderful place to be. In the heart of the university complex. Its why I decided to buy a home and try to settle here.
There was never a dull moment in terms of meetings and debate about all university subjects. There was so many of us as a team, so so many. Then the turn of the century happened. We/I/ my partner and best friends celebrated the new century - Big Time. Then it all changed, first with 9/11. Never did I expect to witness such stuff in my real life. Then the following year I found my best buddy whom I lived with had commited suicide (he was alive when I found him, that was a very very bad time for his family, myself and my partner and all his true friends). Things did not get any better. In fact things got worse. People went away, drifted apart and we never (except if by chance), saw each other again. Others moved to other countries with work. Now I find myself alone, the so-called true friend from one and a half years ago obviously was not so true. Being alone all the time without being able to talk about the fav subjects in life, is like being sentenced to a life sentence in a cell. The area where I live has changed, the students are targeted by the ones looking for a quick dollar (or pound). Robbery is up so much I am ashamed to call myself human (I am not guilty of that sort of stuff). I do think though that sooooooo many people in this city and else where are not from planet earth. To create so much pain is unforgivable. All this makes the PTSD I have spent my life (the last 20 years) trying to block out, come flooding back to me. I never imagined that my beautiful country could become a desert for the devil and wild dog eat dog politics. I still am waiting to meet a new irl best buddy. I think I may have go find them instead of waiting for them to come to me. One thing I know for certain is I am lucky to be able to have the chance to fly again. Only if given the chance. If I dont get out though I will not last long. I guess I feel like a spring, coiled back ready to burst forward. If the spring breaks though, I am doomed. One and a half years of not speaking intellectual thought to a real person, face to face; is worse than anything I ever imagined. I hope any who reads this understands. Thanks. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,178
(SuperPoster!)
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Sep 25, 2011 at 06:16 PM
#2
Well Sanada, you already know I understand. Yes, I completely understand that coil you are talking about. Can you get more active with the university and donate your time in anyway? Or maybe take some night courses where you might chance on others your age, many are going back to school just for a better chance to find a job.
You are very bright, I can understand the desire to interact with others that are challenging. But you know, the fact that you have the desire to do so is a good sign. Often PTSD can get so bad that people who have it tend to isolate. I think your right about going out and finding friends, just try to pick places where people in in a better state of mind and not the ones that are doing bad things and have poor attitudes. Open Eyes |
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 Sanada
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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: Io. Near Jupiter
Posts: 1,034
13 224 hugs
given
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Sep 25, 2011 at 06:52 PM
#3
Thanks open. Yes I am thinking of going back to college. I was offered to be a guest lecturer at my local uni, that was an honour. But I was homeless at the time and I would had been hard to plan lessons while sofa surfing.
I will try to find positive people, I hope i can find them. 
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Sep 26, 2011 at 03:28 AM
#4
So, Sanada, what is the plan? The professionals formulate a treatment plan with their clients. Have you thought about one?
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Sanada
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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: Io. Near Jupiter
Posts: 1,034
13 224 hugs
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Sep 26, 2011 at 10:59 AM
#5
Quote:
I do like surprises though (good ones). The way forward is to not look back all the time; but when surrounded by memories its hard to ignore what has gone before. I don't have much time left here on earth. A million years is too short for my personality, so my need to move forward is an emotion that's burning me inside. Every day wasted is like watching fresh water going down a drain. Thank goodness for PC though, it keeps me going and gives hope that there is a world out there. Thanks. |
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gma45
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Sep 26, 2011 at 06:20 PM
#6
I wish you the mostest, Sanada, in getting what you want from life.
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Grand Magnate
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: In & out of my mind!
Posts: 4,196
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Sep 27, 2011 at 01:07 AM
#7
Right now I care for a 2 year old , I catch myself singing children songs! I really am in need of adult conversation! finger to lip bubububububub! I totally understand!
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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2011
Posts: 17
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Sep 27, 2011 at 02:47 AM
#8
What is a true friend?
Are you your own best friend? I hear this question a lot. But being a true friend means wanting to be that. And some people are just too painful to be around at certain times of their life. But it takes time to develop a bonding that goes beyond that. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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