My saga continues... (long, but with a hell of a surprise ending)

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't been back in a while, but life has been, shall we say, if not difficult, at least quite interesting.

Especially yesterday.

I posted a while back about some issues I was having with a new psychiatrist who, without even taking or reading a history of my case, insisted on weaning me off my somewhat high dose of adderall that I've been taking for about 6 years now, leaving me with a very limited functioning level. She refused to wait just 1 1/2 months when i am scheduled for a complete workup, with hopes of a better diagnoses and treatment strategy.

I tried to get an advocate, but was turned down at every turn. Seems as soon as anyone hears the evil word adderall, I must be a raving addict not wanting to give up my fix. And the doc, of course, is only looking out for my health and well-being. I have to admit, I got a bit of that even here. I wish I had a nickle for every “give her a chance” I heard from most people I talked to, especially in the agencies. No one would take me seriously when I tried to explain that this doctor was acting unprofessionally and incompetently in many ways, and that many things she did were more potentially dangerous than continuing my adderall. I'm sure if it had been Prozac, the agencies would have lined up the advocates for me. It was very disheartening. Prejudice against a treatment is the same as against the illness. But they never even gave me a chance to prove that although in general it would not be considered the best approach, for me it happened to have been a valid treatment for many reasons.

I deicded to go ahead and filed a grievance, and at the meeting where we presented our cases to the director and her superior (who would offer a solution or decide to let it go higher). At the meeting I got her to admit she was in truth worried about her license, but I was able to show the dose I had was not illegal in the least, and was more common than they thought, and to his credit he listened to both sides fairly before offering a solution that gave me the meds I needed for the time I needed them, and still was able to take her concerns about being responsible legally into account. After discussing a few of the smaller points, we both agreed to the compromise, shook hands, and promised to work together from that point on. I felt I won, she did not lose, and it was the Wisdom of Solomon. Unless, of course, you're a control freak, in which case the only thing that matters is your way, no matter what. But she was being gracious, and I thought perhaps I might have misjudged her ..... NOT.

When the nurse gave me my next batch of meds, it was the lower dose, so I explained the agreement. She told me this was what the doctor said to give me, and to let me know I would soon be weaned off completely. Seems Mother Theresa had no intention of honoring the agreement, and since she knew with the lower dose I would find it very hard, if not impossible to function enough to continue the battle. She didn't know I always make sure I have a few days wiggle room when filling my prescriptions.

That was late Tuesday. I called and left the director a voice mail, but did not hear from her. Thursday morning I called again. She claimed not to have known the doctor was going to do this, and would talk to her and call me later in the day. I asked also if she would have her superior call, and she said she tell him. Then she said the doctor wanted to talk to me. I told her I would no longer talk to the doctor unless someone else was present, and she said okay.

After I hung up, I realized I had fogetting to tell her the meds were being stopped, so called back and told the secretary needed to talk to her for just one minute more, I had forgotten to tell her something. The nurse picked up instead, telling me the doctor wanted to talk to me. I said I would not talk toher one on one anymore, was told I had to, and I hung up. I called back, told the secretary I did not want to talk to the nurse or the doctor, only the director. She said hold on, and the doctor answered the phone. I hung up, and this time the doctor answered instead of the secretary.

Again I hung up, but this time started to call the agencies that had turned me down for help previously. This time when they heard what happened, I was told a legal advocate would be in touch with me, and one agency said they were going to call and talk to the doctor, and would call me back then.

It was a little later that afternoon that I heard the doorbell. Imagine my surpise when standing there were police, a social worker and an ambulance. Dr. Angel of Mercy had gotten a court order to have me involuntarily committed in order to force me off the adderall in the hospital.

I will continue this saga in my next post. Especially since I feel in many ways my rights were violated (what little there were at the time) and I could sure use some advice about involuntary committment and some of the things that happened during it.

I do wish someone during all this would have at least given me the benefit of the doubt and looked into it a little more instead of dismissing me right away based on pre-conceived notions. Even the mental health agencies are prejudiced is seems.

Thank God for an overworked social worker who for some reason still had enough kindness to give a minute to listen (patronizignly or not) to probably the millionth “I really shouldn't be here” she heard that day, because the fact I had filed a grievance against the doctor who ordered the committment sparked her interest, she pulled me into a room, and after talking to me for about 10 minutes, emptied most of her calendar, took up my cause, and I really believe when my discharge could have gone either way (that afternoon or the easier Tuesday because of the holiday weekend) she was the one who made sure I went home that day. Now that is a true angel of mercy.

Scary how easy it is for somone like that to do this to another human being. Very scary.