[KUREHA]

So you've seen the doctor and they tell you what they think you have or sometimes they don't tell you and give you a broader term.

How do you believe them, when you can't see it yourself?

Someone with the classic kind of OCD - they can tell they have that - they can believe it when someone tells them, well I could anyway.

For other things though - how can you tell when everything you see is pushing you in a different direction to what they are saying to you.

Is it just you can never tell?

[KUREHA]

I guess you don't then - marvellous

[Laura88]

Sometimes people can see you better then u can c yourself.

[KUREHA]

That's a good point

[pegasus]

You have to trust that the Doctor knows what he is talking about. The Doctor has had at least 6 years training. If you are unsure still, you could try and get a second opinion from another Doctor.

[KUREHA]

I've had lots of people say the same things, but they dont see what I do. That makes me unsure, I want to believe them.

[mgran]

Hi Kureha,
I know how you feel. A few days ago I saw a guy crouching by my neighbours wall. Looked like he was pretending to point at a sign on the wall, but the angle of the camera, he could have been pointing it at me. I was nervous, so I walked quite fast, turned round, was sure he was pointing at me. So I took two photographs on my phone... but the quality of the photos isn't good, and it looks like nothing was there.

It's hard when you literally see someone kneeling six feet from you taking photos to disbelieve your eyes. People don't understand that. You tell them what you know is happening, what your senses are reporting to you, and they say "it's not real, it's all in your head." How can you believe that, when the very senses which you are using to talk to the psychiatrist, nurse, or whomever, faithfully report stalking activities, or whatever to you? How do you know which one is telling the truth?

I've had to work out what seems most logical, and what's easier for me to live with. I think I can only do so because I'm on medication which stops me from panicking so easily... but it's hard, very hard, to believe a doctor when everything around you says differently. I don't think the medical profession appreciate how difficult it is for us, and how much a leap of faith we take when we tell them our experience, knowing that they'll not believe us. It's far harder for us than it is for them, and I think they should give us credit for courage when we do open up, rather than dismissively pigeon holing everything as a hallucination. Maybe it is, but it's not for us. Appreciate the fact that we're traumatised. Don't dismiss it or snigger about it.

I think if the doctors treat us with respect it makes it easier to believe them. But the fact is it's a huge leap of faith. You've got to work out what's likely to figure out what may or may not be real. There's a lot of thinking going on... prepare for that, and don't panic. That's all I can say.

[Mylifeisdepressing]

I told my parents about my depression the other day, and I am hoping doctors will help... But this is exactly the kind of thing I am not looking forward to. Im bad at explaining things, and it makes me really angry when people think they understand you but they really don't.

[KUREHA]

Everyone I see is really nice - expect the college counsellor.

I want to believe them so much - but every time something will happen to prove I'm right, it's always a big thing as well.

Mgran that would have really freaked me out.

Mylifeisdepressing - I'm really bad at explaining as well - or I just pretend everything is fine.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

It's true that others can see you better than you can see yourself. You're a very intelligent person Kureha. If someone approaches you and is on point about the kind of person you are, you know if they are right or not. Even if you have others telling you they are wrong, even if you can't fully see it, you can feel that they are right.

Some doctors are quacks. It's driven me crazy reading the articles about the women up north who were convinced by their T that they had DID. So convinced he had them move back to the old town that they were in to continue therapy with him. He planted false memories. I was dx'd DID 10 years ago and still struggle with denial over the dx, it makes it that much harder to believe when doctors do things like that.

But when you meet someone, you know upon meeting them, you can pick up on their intentions. You can watch their manurisms and read them. If they are not someone you feel you can trust, find someone you can trust to confirm or deny their accusations. Just don't let the paranoia keep you from trusting anyone. Don't listen to the voices (if they are there) don't listen to the fear or anxiety but do listen to your gut feeling. But it's so hard sometimes to tell when it's your gut feeling or just your anxiety or paranoia. Learning the difference is what I've been working on lately.

Trust yourself. If you trust yourself you can learn to trust others. My boyfriend gets confused when I point out, almost everywhere we go, a pedophile or a theif or a just really bad guy. I can tell the bad parents from the good, the nice people from the mean. Really it's rather easy to pick it up. I read people, and about 85% of the time I am right and I am proven right. I've avoided so many horrifying experiences listening to my gut. It's gotten me this far. You can tell a lot about a person simply by how they carry themselves and how they talk. Trust yourself in making decisions and trust yourself in deciding to trust someone else.

[KUREHA]

Sometimes I get it wrong about people and for no reason other than I get confused.

I trust my psychologist and nurse - although she has disappeared and I really hope she is ok.

I used to be good at reading people, but now I get too paranoid to trust anyone and I just can't tell who is ok anymore.

[Brokenwings73]

Sometime you can sense there is something off with yourself or your behavior, in some respects I believe we know ourselves best, but need the push of a T or a Pdoc to get us on the right track . In my own personal experience just because they have a degree doesn't mean they're taking your best interest to heart. I was a freshman in college, desperately struggling with my eating disorder and severly depressed. I was withering away to nothing and told her weekly I hated life and wanted to die. All she did was sit there like a cheerleader sting you'll be fine. Finally I tried to kill myself but my roommate came in and the whole floor was calling home to my family. I went in fir a weigh- in trying to mask my weight and got caught. They found out how drastically I'd lost and I say my t and said I wanted Prozac and she said I missed the intake and would have to wait a week. I called my t at home hysterical and say the director the next day. Two hours later I was on a flight home and 2 days later in treatment. He told my family I wilting have survived the rest if the semester. So back to my point.....find someone YOU are comfortable with, that listens to you and make you feel heard and validated. I have that now and have a good team. I still struggle but feel comfortable with the people I work with. You will know in your gut you've met the right person. It's like a med trial, it can rake a while but when it fits it fits. Good luck my friend!

[Lauru]

Kureha,

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. One thing to remember is that the very nature of psychosis/schizophrenia is that you can't tell that you have it. Which of course sounds all very convenient I am sure. I guess you have to find the people who love and care about you and who have always been there for you, and if they are all saying the same thing, maybe they are right and you are mistaken. It is a fact that our senses can and do lie to us. People do see/hear things not there and believe things that are not real. It is such a scary thing to not be able to trust your own mind. My brother is schizophrenic, not taking medications, and a severe alcoholic. He hears voices and is paranoid that people are out to get him. Everyone, from his family to the person on the street walking by, to the newscaster on the TV. Please believe and trust in others. You can get so much healthier and feel so much better if you do. We all care about you here.

[KUREHA]

I have a good team - it's just hard tro know who and what to believe.

Sorry your T didn't help much Brokenwings73
Sorry to hear about your brother Lauru

I just feel so confused.