I'm having a melt down

Thanks Alexandra

You post very useful posts. I'll try really hard to remember that people still miss me even if they don't post about me. I think maybe it's not so much about the missing me part, but about the caring about me part. I equate missing me with caring about me.

I suppose I shouldn't assume that not posting about me means not missing about me and not caring about me.

The new rule is going to be difficult for me, I think. I'm so used to thinking the way I do. The new rule is going to force me to change my thinking. I think it is a good thing because it is not healthy to think of death in a light way.

Sometimes I think the rules are a sort of forced cognitive behavioural therapy...where you have to change your thinking and your behaviour and following the rules will only help a person. I feel that way for the "assuming things" rule. The one where people cannot post things that assume bad intent from other people.

If I can really change the way I think about that, that is, I force myself to assume people have the best of intentions and do not want bad things to happen to me, I think I'll be much happier.

Yeah, I really feel like the rules are a sort of forced cognitive behavioural therapy sometimes...especially those that force one to think of good things instead of bad.

I'm not very good at making friends. Maybe I'm being too direct in asking for people to be my friends. I'm not too sure how to create history. Maybe I should PM the people who post to me regularly? I know I always like it when I get a PM. Maybe other people will like it too.

I liked that story you told. It's very clever.

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SleepsWithButterFlies said:
I hope you get the support you deserve however I also hope this isn't going to be a dumping ground for you and Alex to go on about how long you will be here till you are welcome back to that other site..Can you maybe keep the being blocked things to PM? It makes many of us feel used to have you all come here when you get blocked then go and not look back until your next block

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I'm not sure what you mean sleeps, I come to PC whether or not I'm blocked. I didn't bring up the block. I think you did by asking me how long it was this time.

Once I saw that talking about it was OK, I decided I could talk a little bit about it. It's a big part of why I'm upset and I think I should be able to post about it.

I also posted that I *do* want to make friends here. I also explained why I don't feel like the support I get here is always equivalent to the support I get there...it's because I have more history with people there.

I want to create friendships here and I should start now. I asked people to PM me and be my friend and find out things about each other. So far only 2 people have responded.

Why would people feel like I'm using them? I'm only posting about how I'm upset. I'm only asking for support from people who can provide me with it.

I think everyone should calm down if this thread upsets them. I really want to keep this thread going so that I can post my thoughts.

I don't quite understand the D'oh Sleeps.

What are you trying to say?

I did not REFERENCE said *site* I said HOW LONG you knew what I meant because you know I read that site..NOBODY else did or rather FEW DID....
If only 2 people PMed you their may be many reasons for that including the last time you were here ..I will not detail that that would be something you may want to ask yourself.
I do believe it is against PC policy for a us against them kinda thread to be here. I hope they lock this thread

Why is it a "us" against "them" thread?

I like participating here. I'm really glad PC is here for me. I hope I can choose when I want to participate and when I do not want to participate.

Are you getting upset Sleeps? I didn't mean to upset you. I hope you feel better soon. I know how much it sucks to be upset.

Oh and I did want to say to all that my PM is off because I have had too much PM lately and could not keep up...That has nothing to do with this thread on PB ...I just wanted you all to know why I have it off

I like to think of myself as belonging to two forums. I just happen to have more history in the other one. I want to have more history here too. That is why I want more friends here.

I'm procrastinating big time because I don't have anything due this week.

When I got upset I wanted to get another hamster, but then I thought I better now since I may not have enough time to spend with my hamster while taking my classes and studying. I have to do well this term.

I think I'll get a hamster during the summer.

What classes are you taking? I am taking Understanding Diversity and Medical Aspects at a local technical college. I am majoring in addiction counseling. What is your major or are you in high school?
As for PMing, I am not very big on that because I like to take my time to think of what to say. Otherwise, I start to rant when I think I should be supportive.

Does anyone here know anything about hamsters?

I'm wondering whether to get a Syrian hamster or one of the the dwarf hamsters.

I wish I could have guinea pigs but my Mom won't allow that. Their cages get too big. I would really like to have 2 guinea pigs. They are so cute. They jump and make funny noises.

Zip Zilch. I know nothing about hamsters.

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Hopefull said:
What classes are you taking? I am taking Understanding Diversity and Medical Aspects at a local technical college. I am majoring in addiction counseling. What is your major or are you in high school?
As for PMing, I am not very big on that because I like to take my time to think of what to say. Otherwise, I start to rant when I think I should be supportive.

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I'm taking animal physiology II, Environmental science, ecosystem ecology and molecular evolution. I think the environmental science class will be easy. The ecosystem ecology class is based on assignments, with no final exam. The animal physiology II is challenging. Molecular evolution is slightly less challenging I think...

I'm just in a general science program, mostly because I messed up my biopharmaceutical science program. It's a shame since I really wanted to do an honours project and work in a lab doing real research.

I'm really screwed now because I don't feel competent and I can't complete with other students with my horrible grades. I'm probably going to end up doing something non science related. I better start thinking of what I want to do soon because I'm almost done with my degree. I have 3 more classes after this semester and then I'm done. I have to start working this summer. I'll be part time to do the 3 classes.

Hey sleeps, nice to talk to you again :-)

> I also hope this isn't going to be a dumping ground for you and Alex to go on about how long you will be here till you are welcome back to that other site.

I'm sorry if I said anything that contributed to your feeling like I see this site as a 'dumping ground'. I would feel fairly hurt if I thought someone was only posting to me / being nice to me because they couldn't be with other friends who they liked a whole heap more.

I want to let you (and anyone else who is reading) know that I don't feel like that about this site. I don't see it as a 'dumping ground' at all.

Sometimes it feels like... A different country. Different countries have different laws; different cultures; different customs; different histories; and different citizens (though some people are joint citizens of more than one country).

Sometimes it is nice to see what a big wide world is out there. And sometimes it is nice to go on a bit of a holiday and go live with the locals for a while. Sometimes people prefer the new country - especially when they aren't so keen on their previous countries history. Sometimes people are a little homesick for their old country for a time. Starting to feel like part of the new countries history tends to help with that. But it does, of course, take time.

Sorry... Rambelling a bit really...

I haven't been posting very much in general recently. But when I do... I guess I have been tending to go with history. My role in history here isn't something that I'm particularly proud of either...

But I have missed chatting with you and others.

> Can you maybe keep the being blocked things to PM?

Could do...

One of the advantages of posting about this kind of thing publicly is that sometimes other people can relate (having been in similar situations) and they may benefit from the thread. Maybe not with the blocking thing in particular but maybe with related issues where people have been excluded from something / somewhere for a bit; where people are having a hard time feeling accepted here; where people are having a hard time seeing how to regulate their emotions etc etc. And a lot of people do read without responding...

But I don't mean to come here and create hurt / upset. So I can keep it to PM's if you (or others) would prefer...

I guess it might be about weighing how hard it is for some people to read...

Compared with the possible benefit for others to read...

I'm sorry too Sleeps.

I think I was getting a little defensive. I got a little angry because I thought you were thinking bad things about me. I'm wrong right? You don't think I'm a bad person right?

Hey - sorry about that - I had typed up the reason for locking the thread, but somehow it got removed during the process of locking it. I just learned that you can't lock and reply in one single action. Sorry, Greenleaves!

I received a number of complaints that this thread was getting too personal and was straying in support of Greenleaves' problems.

I'm sorry you're having problems, Greenleaves. Please feel free to start a new thread in a specific forum (Personality Place, Self Esteem, or whichever forum you feel is going to provide you the most specific support)

Love,
LMo