I'm having a melt down

I'm getting upset again.

I need to cope better. I'm really horrible at coping.

I think I constantly have an adjustment disorder.

Every little bump in the road makes me go insane.

What are some ways to cope?

What do I do when I can't stop crying? How do I make things better? How do I cope with the horrible feelings?

I wish I could turn back time. I need to turn back time. If only I could do that everything will be OK again.

I'm feeling much better now. I'm posting fun things on Social.

(((((((greenleaves)))))))))
your pain is palpable...and if it's any comfort...I think we've all been there ( a place where it seems unbearable)..but there's nothing new under the sun and nothing so bad that hasn't been done....and no place so dark that the cloud won't pass.....you have my most positive thoughts coming your way.....grace

*Sigh*

I feel lonely.

I want more friends.

Who wants to be my friend?

PM me and be my friend.

I've been there too. I hope you feel better now. I hope you talked to some people in RL rather than just here.
Feel free to discuss what makes you feel bad. I find that rambling about it to a T seems to help some. But, I still find that I want to ramble about it here too. ]
As for our reaction, I suspect that most of us have gotten an odd reaction before. I have been told that my thinking is " warped" and that I shouldn't think that way. So, I know what it is like to fear the reaction of others if you share what you are thinking.

Thanks everyone

I get so upset sometimes, I get so upset I think I lose my mind.

Does anyone know what I mean?

I get so upset/angry/sad/frustrated that I explode or something. I do really stupid things very impulsively....dangerous things.

I think I lose my mind for a while, I dunno. There's no self control.

I think I have a very low frustration tolerance level. Today, I had an appointment and I took the bus there. The route isn't that familar to me and the sun blocking my line of sight made me miss my stop by about 4 stops.

I was soooo pissed! I was swearing to myself as I walked and walked. It took me a good 15 mins to walk to my destination. I felt like exploding. I felt like hurting myself. Even after all that walking I was still angry as ever. I felt like screaming and yelling and jumping and biting, I was so angry.

Buses are annoying! Sometimes, it's the little things that get you.

please don't be so hard on yourself...what you may think of as "bad" or "crazy" behaviour is really just you trying to ease your own pain...(maybe not the right way, but the intention is rarely negative)....keep all of us in mind..and keep communicating during this vulnerable
time
grace

I wish I could hear your voices.

Reading messages just isn't the same. It doesn't offer the same amount of comfort.

I'm still lonely. I'm sad because I've been excluded somewhere for a while. It was my own fault, but I still don't like it.

I wish I wasn't excluded. It feels horrible. I'm angry at being excluded, and sad. I feel like getting back at people, but instead of hurting them, I would be hurting myself.

I'm getting upset again. (Why do I always seem to get upset at night?)

I can't stand getting upset. I can't stand it. It makes me want to hurt myself.

I'm lonely because I've been excluded. I don't like it. I don't like it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it.

Who will listen to me? I can't post about the details here because last time I did people got upset and the thread got locked.

Will someone listen to me via pm?

I'm getting upset again because it seems like people don't miss me. People don't even care that I'm gone. This makes me feel like hurting myself.

I keep having this urge to e-mail the administrator, but I really need to stop that. I think I may be going insane...thinking I have a relationship with the admin or something....thinking he is my friend.

I wonder if one day he will just get fed up at my messages and turn me in to the police or something.

I felt like e-mailing him again, so instead of doing that I'm posting here. I hope people don't mind if I use this thread to post these things.

I'm just so upset. I hate being punished. I'm not used to punishment. I was never punished as a child. To me, punishment means that the punisher hates me or wants bad things to happen to me. He said he doesn't , but it is still difficult to fathom.

What do I do for 4 weeks? How do I cope with this banishment? I miss familar posters there. I miss the atmosphere. I miss the format of the boards there.

I need to concentrate on my studies, but I'm afraid this upset will distract me. I tend to get upset at night, when I'm going through the boards.

I need to distract myself. I'll distract myself with psychcentral. I need to make some friends here. Right now I get random people who post supportive things to me, but it means so much more when there is a prior relationship. It means a lot to me for example, when gardenergirl posts to me, because she knows me.

There are good intentions behind the other posts, but they are just not the same. I need to have a history with them first.

I need to make a history with new posters. This is why I want to get to know people here better via PM. I want people to get to know me and me them. That way our support to each other will mean so much more.

I feel lonely. I wish I wasn't blocked. I'm starting to think I'm a hopeless case. When will I ever learn to be less impulsive and think before I post? I don't know how to be less impulsive. Maybe I need more SSRIs or something.

I have a feeling this thread is going to be very long. I know I need to vent here.

I feel bad.

I want to feel good.

Nobody is paying any attention to me.

No one wants to be my friend? If you want to be my friend you can send me a pm with some info about yourself. You can ask questions and I'll answer them.

When I feel upset, I need a lot of attention. I need to know that people care that I'm upset.

No one even replies to my posts on this thread anymore.

Maybe no one cares.

I'm wallowing in self-pity.

I need lots of attention to make up for my block at another site. I think I need three times the attention.

I want people to like me! I started some social threads hoping to get people interested in me as a person, but people don't seem interested.

Nobody except MacD and Ozzie sent me PMs.

It won't be a one way friendship, I promise. I'll be interested in you too. I just want to feel a connection. I'm feeling disconnected from people.

I wish I never get upset. It wastes a lot of my time and energy.

Tell me about your day and I'll tell you about mine.

Are people ignoring me because they don't like that I miss being at the other site?

I want to like this site too, I just need more friends here. I just need more people to become my friend and then I'm sure I'll like this place just as much as the other place.

Why don't people want to be my friend? I'm a nice person if you get to know me.

I'll admit...you ARE wallowing lol....but we're all allowed to be pitiful now and then...why don't you pinpoint the most major part of your distress.....believe me, we DO care
grace

I'm sorry about my whiny ways. Sometimes I get this "I can't stand it feeling" and I have to write stuff that's on my mind.

I feel better after writing stuff. When I e-mail that administrator, he almost never replies because most of my e-mails are not about administrative issues. I still e-mail him sometimes even when he doesn't reply. I don't know why I do it. Just like how I don't know why I keep posting on this thread even though no one is replying me.

I don't e-mail the guy all the time, usually only when I get blocked and upset. Then occasionally while I'm blocked. When Hammie died, I sent the administrator an e-mail saying that Hammie died.

I wonder if he thinks I'm completely bonkers.

Thanks MacD. I know that you care.

I'm not sure I can pinpoint exactly what is distressing me, but I think it's just about being excluded. It's like going to jail. Even though I know now that I did something wrong, I still don't like going to jail.

greenleaves...I'm beginning to get insulted...am I invisible? I am responding and I care.....(and as for your outreach tendencies)...that's a good thing...as long as we're all reaching out to one another, it means that we are keeping hope alive....But for goodness sakes...don't lable me as No One....Kindest Regards,
Grace

sorry that our posts crossed....but remember...there is nothing new under the sun...we all goof up and we're allowed to be imperfect....don't beat yourself up
hang in...grace

Hi greenleaves. I've been reading your posts on this thread...seems like you are not getting the support you need.

Maybe you could start a new thread, like "I'm starting over" It's just an idea...

Sometimes people don't feel like posting when the thread is like "COME HERE LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW". Your posts sound a little demanding.

Please don't take it in a bad way. I know what it's like to be desperate for help. I wish you could get all the support you need, and feel safe here. People DO care.

Maybe, you can also start by replying other posts...it helps both you and the other person.

I want to get to know you, I care.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))

Thanks for your suggestions

I'm going to keep this thread. I like this thread. I know I must seem demanding. I'm just asking for what I think I need right now. If people start PMing me they will find out that I'm not really that demanding.

Right now I really need to study. I didn't study during the weekend and then I got upset and didn't study yesterday either.

Greenleaves, I'm sorry you're coping so poorly. I'm sure you feel terrible right now about the other forum. I hope you find peace about that and can avoid the same problem in the future.

Ashley makes some really good points though. I hope you continue to consider them.

Good luck Greenleaves,
LMo

I feel bad about not being about to stick to my diet to eat less and eat healthier.

I pigged out on chips and 2 pieces of chocolate. It was mostly the chips I pigged out on. Ugh, I decided to throw it up. I threw up about 6 times. I hope I got most of it out of my stomach. I wished my Mom wouldn't buy junk food all the time.

I bought some healthy foods today. I'm going to stick to eating those for tomorrow.

I'm not really that overweight, just a little, but I really want to slim down. I'm aiming for 100 pounds right now. I'm really short, so that is an OK weight for me in terms of BMI.

I really really really want to be 100 pounds or less. I want to do anything to get there, but I don't have the willpower. I need to keep up my plans and not get discouraged when I fall off them.

Anyone want to be my diet buddy to help me stick to my plans? I'll try to help you stick to your plans.

Hey sweetie. People do miss you. People might not post that... But that doesn't mean that people don't miss you. It is like how you wanted to start a thread a little while back because you were worrying about the people who were blocked. You wanted to make sure that they knew that they were cared about. You cared about them even though you might not have known who they were. And you cared about them even though you hadn't posted anything in specific about being sorry they were blocked or whatever. You are missed. You have a lot of people who care about you. Even when they are quiet... That doesn't mean that they have stopped caring. But... That can be a hard thing to feel. I understand that.

> I'm not used to punishment. I was never punished as a child. To me, punishment means that the punisher hates me or wants bad things to happen to me. He said he doesn't , but it is still difficult to fathom.

Yeah, I understand that one too. If people are angry with me then I tend to think that they hate me and I find it hard to grasp that they can be angry (for a time and that shall pass) BECAUSE they care about me. Or that if I am punished for something, or if there are not so nice consequences for something I've said / done then that can actually be BECAUSE they care about me. It is hard for me. But it is getting easier in time... But it is hard.

The only way to get to know people... Is to spend time with them. It might be helpful to not read the other board. Or to just check it briefly. Maybe AFTER coming here. Because if you check that board and then come here you will probably be in a bad place over feeling excluded. If you come here first and focus your attention on making new friends over at this site then your time will pass a whole heap easier. And you will probably be in a better place for the connections here than you will be in if you go there and end up feeling excluded and not cared about.

The only way you get a history... Is to create a history. And the sooner you start... The sooner you will have one. And... There are people here who post fairly consistently to you. Sometimes the best way to establish connections is to attempt to return the favour and seek out their threads and post caring stuff to them.

Hang in there.

It will pass... And as for thinking before posting... I hope it gets easier because I have a lot to learn there too.

((((((((Greenleaves))))))))

And This Too Shall Pass
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

One day Solomon decided to humble Benaiah ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, "Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it."

"If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty," replied Benaiah, "I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?"

"It has magic powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility.

Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of he poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet. "Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked Benaiah.

He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile.

That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. "Well, my friend," said Solomon, "have you found what I sent you after?" All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled.

To everyone's surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!" As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: "gimel, zayin, yud", which began the words "Gam zeh ya'avor" -- "This too shall pass."

At that moment Solomon realized that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust.
________________________________________

Hmm. It is something I try to remember to cheer myself up when I'm feeling really low. But... I suppose it does work the other way too. And death will come soon enough...

I hope you get the support you deserve however I also hope this isn't going to be a dumping ground for you and Alex to go on about how long you will be here till you are welcome back to that other site..Can you maybe keep the being blocked things to PM? It makes many of us feel used to have you all come here when you get blocked then go and not look back until your next block