Where do lows come from and why?

I don't understand. One day I can feel like I'm on top of the world finally accomplishing something for myself.

Next I can be sooo down and low. I don't even want to wake up, I continue to hate myself, and everything about me the remainder of the day. Then I'll hope to die peacefully in my sleep. I hate that feeling. It's the worse.

What is it, and what could it be?

I have noticed that when my mind is on MY life and MY life only, ultimately I'm okay. But then I begin worrying about my sister, my grandfather and the debt I have with him, my drug addict mom who hurts me over and over.

I know running away from here is not an option. I can't abandon my sister I'm the only one left, plus I started my life with college and all.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I can't take these downs. I call them the "unthinkables", because when I'm in one I think of stuff I never normally would. Like writing my dad a letter of apology, laying in bed for hours, and neglecting myself. I think of sad stuff like all the horrible things mom did to me when I was a kid and recently. I think alot of my Grandma too.

Anyway, why does it happen is what I'm pretty much asking? What can cause a low, and how can I quickly get through it, so I can happy for the babies?

Desirae

Its all from past wounds, stress hormones being released into the body, and depression that grows stronger over time when not treated.... when one lives in a chaotic life for so long then they tend to stay and react with in that chaos.

I would say that it is half mental and half physical.... we need to fix them both or we will never be sane. AND - let us not forget the emotional wounds that other people leave from with in.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I don't have an answer for you but I wanted to just say that I can relate. Like I'll be writing something (I think better if I'm writing it down for some strange reason) and I'll be all happy-go-lucky and then I write something and BAM! it hits me and I'm suddenly really depressed. And yet I have no idea why the depression has overcome me.

Hang in there.

I agree with Rhapsody...it IS caused by stress. Unfortunately, after enough depressive episodes structural changes occur in the brain which keep the cycle going, and make it even harder to break. Stess causes depression, which causes stress, which causes...you get the idea.

So do everything you can when you are able...meds, therapy, exercise, good nutrition and so on...it's the only hope.

DJ