[marriageinflux]

I would love to hear thoughts about an issue that has occurred in my marriage and would love some feedback. When my wife drinks she often becomes impaired. Well, we were in a casino and I saw her giving a back rub to a stranger while her purse was around his knee? She was in a state that she had drank so much, she was clearly impaired. I almost got thrown out of the casino for wanting to beat the crap out of the guy. She wasn't even apologetic that this happened! Should I feel totally disrespected that she did this?? Is this of worse things to come? Am I overreacting? Please advise...

[LMo]

Um... I would feel pretty disrespected and no, you're not overreacting. Beating the crap out of the guy would be YOUR fault, obviously, but I'd be pretty upset too if I were you.

[bipolar_bear]

I don't think you are overreaciting at all. What she did was very inappropriate in the setting and with a stranger. Does your wife need help with her drinking problem? I understand your wanting to release your surge of emotions at that time but that too would have been inappropriate. I think your wife should consider getting help for a drinking problem. Good luck with resolving this issue.

[funnygirl]

I would avoid going with your wife to anywhere like a casino where drink is cheap and plentiful and there is a distinct possibility of her going over the top. It's a calculated risk if you do.

Her actions are endangering your safety as well as hers. You could have been in trouble if you'd acted on your impulses, been arrested, clapped in jail, fined for breach of the peace - all through your wife's selfish indulgence with drink.

She needs help with her alcohol abuse.

I truly hope you can get your wife to see this and how her problem is having a knock-on effect on your marriage. Good luck.

FG

[Lexicon78]

Have you tried talking to her about how her behavior is affecting you and how you feel? That might be a first step.

[nothemama8]

How long have you two been married, does this happen often, does she drink alot, have you talked with her about her actions?
Might be good to seek marriage counseling
Advice from a 30 year married lady
Good Luck

[jennie]

Sounds like she has an alcohol problem. I recommend you seek out Al-Anon. Check out this website
Are you troubled by someone's drinking? Al-Anon is for you.

[Rhapsody]

I would feel disrespected is she did this while sober.... but seeing that she was impaired and has an obvious problem / addiction with alcohol, I would see that she gets some immediate help (counseling or inpatient care).
You need to be the mature one here and talk to her about her actions in a non-threaten way and with as much love that you can possibly muster.
Good Luck.... and hang in there, for all things are possible to those that seek a change.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[JustBen]

If she was so impaired that she didn't know what she was doing, then I don't think she's responsible for her actions...but she is responsible for getting help for her problem.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I agree with Ben

[jennie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
JustBen said:
If she was so impaired that she didn't know what she was doing, then I don't think she's responsible for her actions...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

So . . . by that "theory" it would not be her fault if she was drinking and driving and killed someone, either, huh?

She is an adult. She is responsible for each drink she consumed. She is responsible for her actions.

But the point isn't "who is responsible" . . . the point is what healthy things can marriageinflux do for his marriage??? I suggest Al-anon.

[Maven]

I agree with jennie. If a person has an alcohol problem, it doesn't absolve him or her of responsibility for his or her actions. S/he chose to take that first drink in his/her life and chose to drink to excess, leading to a problem. As Ben said, your wife does need to take responsibility for getting help.

If drinking meant you could get out of your responsibilities, then we could just get drunk before going to work, babysitting, or doing anything, so if something did go wrong, we could just say, "Sorry, not my fault. I was drunk." It just doesn't work like that.

[marriageinflux]

I want to thank everybody for their input into my issue. It has been two days and I continue to feel angry, disrespected, and still have nothing really to say to my wife.

In my reply to notthemama, we have been married a few years and I can honestly say that we have tried marriage counseling as more of a proactive approach to dealing with the possibility of having children. In my opinion, my wife has always drank excessively (falling asleep sitting up). She however has not been an angry drinker but more of a "loveable" type. This is the first negative effect that has happened based on her drinking (that I know of). I do worry about her driving home after drinking and injuring herself or another. I have always encouraged her to call me or stay over at her friends homes.

I am continually looking to receive additional input as I look to help resolve this issue.

Thanks to everyone..it means a lot.

[CedarS]

Al-Anon.

It is free, meetings usually easily available all over the place, you will meet people in situations like your own, and it is very helpful.

Even while you work on figuring the rest of the stuff out, I so encourage you to go to Al-Anon.

[Maven]

If Al-Anon isn't right for you, also look in your phone book for other treatment centers. It would probably be found under "Addiction Treatment" or something like that.

[JustBen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jennie said:
So . . . by that "theory" it would not be her fault if she was drinking and driving and killed someone, either, huh?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Please don't take what I'm saying out of context. I completely agree with you that she's responisble for her drinking. But, once she's drunk, her judgment is seriously impaired. What I was trying to get across is that she didn't actively make a decision to flirt with this guy. She did actively make a decision to drink, however, and she ought to know that she's subject to this kind of bizzare behavior when she does.