[Lexi232]

What if you've felt on your own since you can remember? What if your whole family is so messed up they aren't a family? What if you feel like you can't call anyplace home?
How do you fill this hole?
Since i've only lived about 20 years, and the longest I was ever with anyone, friends or family was 6-9yr periods anyone who i am now friends with for longer than that I feel like are family, but they dont feel the same, because they actually have families.. and homes... and ... lives....

[madisgram]

lexi, i'm sorry you feel so alone. please know we care about you.

what if? then you would be me.

do what i do...be yourself..develop what you like & enjoy...develop a strong network of friends...they that are now my family...i am blessed now with an incredible loving family that i have created...

a family is just a group of people that you are born into. it is nice iff they love you & you fit in & that they are good loving decent people. not everyone has this. i certainly didn't. from a child i knew i was different from my parents. i strove even as a kid to be everything & anything opposite they were...

you can do it...it's not easy but trust me...

as for home...it is where you make it. i have lived some places temporarily (due to jobs, etc) that were "home" while my home was never home. the place i am living in now & have been for 16 years, is nice, ok, but it has never felt like "home" to me.

i have a brother & sister...i have not had any contact with them in over 20 years. don't know if they are alive or dead. it's sad. their choice not mine. for many years i was easy to find due to my workplace & now with the internet you can find anyone if you have the time & skill. i could do the same for them but they are toxic...& i really have no need or desire to locate them & let them back into my life. on certain days i do think about them but that is about as far as it gets...i wonder if they do the same for me...altho my sister was homeless & schizophrenic last i heard & my brother ..was robbing banks .

so...make your own family...create your own sense of family. make your own traditions...involve others. soon they will become your own legend.

[SophiaG]

I think it should be doable to find peopl that want family. There are plenty of those that come from broken homes, have no friends, live alone etc.

try alonelylife.com?

Might find something there. Or here.

[Lexi232]

Thanks everyone!
That site looks great!
I seem to find the ones that only want blood related families.
I will get signed up later after i wake up from going to sleep.
Thanks so much!!!

[Open Eyes]

(((((Lexi))))))

You say you have learned alot in your time here at PC. In that you must know that what your asking is truely something many people ask, even people that are surrounded by family wether it be a family they have grown up in or their own family.

I think most people feel like they have been on their own all thier lives. When I think back on my life and I have been around more than twice as long as you have, I see that most of my life I have felt I was on my own. Even when we are surrounded by others often there is some kind of decision that is ultimately our own.

Human beings are the most intelligent life forms on earth, but surprisingly we are the most fragile life form for many years of our lives, depending on other human beings to be there while we find our own bodies and learn to walk and eventually nourish ourselves. And for the most part we are very dependant on other human beings for our survival. Because of our design we survived best in groups and as time passed the groups got larger and formed societies. And somehow we all inately come to know that we somehow depend on other human beings for our survival. But there are animals that also need that and they do join together in what we call herds, schools of water wildlife, etc.

Every single one of us has questions that ask, how do I find the best way to connect with other human beings? And these questions are there because by sheer design we are ment to thrive in groups. And just as your asking your questions here, your doing so because of that single desire to learn how to be a part of some kind of group of human beings where you can feel comfortable and thrive. Just in PC alone are hundreds if not thousands of questions about somehow feeling alone and how can we be better and relate better in groups of other human beings and gain some kind of feeling of being better connected, more acceptable, appreciated for who we are, by others and ourselves.

So, if you look at the whole picture, what I call the landscape of humanity, Lexi,
your not as alone as you may think. Whatever your past is, you found ways to survive it so that your here now to ask this very question. And you say you have been a member here for a long time right? Well what you actually did all this time is find a group of other people. For a long time you have been a part of a group of people. As you have said yourself, you have learned a lot by being a part of this group. This very group is called a "support" group. And I am sure that in your time here you have also learned how to not only get support, but to give support.

What are you doing in your life now? You say that you are handicapped right? But you have also said that you donate your time somewhere, and in that you are part of another group, people who need support and those that give support.

As you are standing in this one spot in time, in your life and asking this very question, even though you look back on your life and say, "I have felt like I have always been on my own", you must also recognize what you have managed to accomplish even though that was a reality for you. In spite of whatever you faced in your life, you actually did survive and you also did find ways to connect with others.
And you did that pretty much on your own right? So, what enabled that to happen?
Lexi, even though you have been on your own, even though you are handicapped, you did something very important, YOU, LEARNED HOW TO LEARN. No matter what you are doing right now, you have accomplished more than you truely realize. The one thing you DO have in your one own life, is the fact that you did survive and more importantly, you have made a decison on your own somehow to "Learn". Remember, you have managed to be a part of some kind of group Lexi.

Lexi, as human beings, by design there is a natural desire to "Learn" how to be a part of a group of other human beings. Home? What does home really mean Lexi? Well, we are taught to think that it has to be whatever group of human beings that originally formed around us when we were small. We teach each other that these people are suppose to be our home. We believe that if we do not find a way to thrive with this specific group of people, that we have no real home. Now, think about all the messages that you have read over the years here at PC. How many people have talked about having a lot of trouble with that, all kinds of trouble. And how many people somehow blame themselves because that specific group of people had very poor skills at truely forming a successful small group that we call "The Family"?

Lexi, I want you to really think about this spot your standing in, this point of living for 20 years and stopping right here and asking your questions about being on your own and family. For just a few minutes, or even more than that, because you need to remember this as you continue your life. How many people have you met here at PC over the time you have been a member have expressed their own difficulty with the people they were supposed to call their family? Think about where you donate your time, how many people have you actually met that somehow struggle with the people they grew up around that were supposed to be what we call "Family" and "Home".

When people say the word going home for the night, what is in that place they actually call "home"? If you really think about that and see REALITY that word home can mean so many different things. It can be simply a very small apartment where someone lives all by themselves, or it can be a place where they live with one parent they don't really get along with, it can be many different things Lexi, but it is often never something that any of us can say is "The perfect ideal HOME".

Lexi, they say that home is where the heart is. So, where is your heart Lexi? Some of your heart is here, as you have made some friends here over the time you have spent here, and some of your heart is where you donate your time as well. At the very least Lexi, you have survived to this point and you HAVE learned enough on your OWN to connect with some groups. And if you really allow yourself to access not only your life but many other lives that you have come to know in your life, you will truely see that even though you are on you OWN, there are many others that are just like you in many ways, on their OWN as well.

So, Lexi, at this point in your life, you truely have to allow yourself to say to yourself, gee, even though I didn't grow up in a very healthy group of people, I still managed to survive and "LEARN" and I have connected with other people in my life and I did a decent job and all that time, I did learn different things, things about people I was not taught by those I was supposed to connect with somehow.

Lexi, if your time here at PC has taught you anything at all, you must have learned that no person is perfect, everyone struggles in all kinds of ways. And that statement your talking about here, being on your OWN, that is a statment expressed by many others as well.

Lexi, the one thing you have done is LEARN. And even though you may not have had a perfect "HOME", you do know and have learned how to reach out to others, and even offer your own compassion and knowledge that it isn't easy to be on our OWN, but even though it isn't easy, we can all use one thing we do have as human beings, we can LEARN and as we LEARN we can all reach out to others with whatever we do LEARN and SHARE, CONNECT and find our way to being a part of a GROUP. "Home is where the heart is Lexi".

(((((Hugs))))))

Your truely not alone Lexi, because you continue to choose to be a part of a group of other people, and you have learned that all on your OWN.

Open Eyes

[Lexi232]

((((Open Eyes))))

We just feel so alone. Mainly because we are.
And everyone I find in real life, is not the same as me in this area of things. I try, but no one else wants to see anyone but their own family as their family. no matter how close we get. Then there are those that just SAY they feel the same. but... they dont feel the same about me. Talks cheap when the words dispute what actions one has every single time.
In my expeirence so far, people have their groups, and aren't seeking out anyone else, and if you come in trying to get noticed or even just stand around quietly hoping they will take notice it never leads to friends. either its to harm, or just to ignore as they dont want any more friends.

It's so hard being independant when infact it's barely managable and is like a nightmare for me. but I have no one I can relie on. And everyone says "only if I was there I would _____" but when I am near them they don't. and never do. not even once.

Every single one of us has questions that ask, how do I find the best way to connect with other human beings? And these questions are there because by sheer design we are ment to thrive in groups. And just as your asking your questions here, your doing so because of that single desire to learn how to be a part of some kind of group of human beings where you can feel comfortable and thrive. Just in PC alone are hundreds if not thousands of questions about somehow feeling alone and how can we be better and relate better in groups of other human beings and gain some kind of feeling of being better connected, more acceptable, appreciated for who we are, by others and ourselves.

That is true...

Yes, been here for almost 5 years. I dont recall why I joined here, nor the first day I signed up. but it was mainly to survive and get advice for our nearly impossible living conditions. The only things I really knew (comfort, advice, life situations, examples, and such) was things that happened and I saw on tv. I learned only what I could see on tv, and in the dictionary. Same is for word meanings and talking pretty much. As for up until my very early 20's (i'm only 24 now) I constantly asked what words meant that were being said or asked to me because I didn't undstand them. I haven't really had to ask what something means for a good while now that I think about it. lol...
But in the hospital I learned more than I had in my life.. She taught me so much, and still does lol! But she taught me how to give comfort to someone, and advice, and what's right and whats wrong, and what's just not clearly set in either way...
And since then I have been able to be more than just a leech in this community.

Not doing much in my life. as it really not all that great currently. I have both physical and mental disabilities. Some are managable, others make it impossible to work and keep to someone elses schedule for us. As each moment, and day I dont know what will happened. Usually my mental health is pretty stable as long as i have the right dose of ADHD med. if not, then ... well I get placed on symptomatic drugs like anti depressants, anti anxiety, sedatives, and quite a few others on top of the not right dose of adhd med. which is where I'm at right now. but started up an antidepressant on my own as i had an old prescription from over a year ago, and it was either that, or go insane from lack of sleep along with do something stupid that would shatter the promise we made many years ago to someone...
nor do I want to goto a hospital for mental health ever again. I have pets and no one to take care of them. in fact they would be in harms way if i were to leave them here. ... just like us.
and going into a hospital even for physical health any more would cause more damage than good. as it would only put us back at square one, and make our outlook go right back into being institutionalized as that was pretty much the only part of my life that i can remember much of easily. It was only there in hosptials that we were able to have a life. ...
I want family! I want someone i can talk to! I want someone I can spend time with! I want ... to be loved unconditionally!!! .... I want to have a in person support! I want ... someone to be there for me to reliey on if I must if something were to go wrong, and I could trust, i don't want to be dependant on people and bossed around, but I am not able to cope completely independantly... somewhere in between is where we lay. and it's closer to the independant area... That part comes with part of the turf I suppose with having William's syndrome. as its mentioned in a much more educated way in much descriptions on it. ...
we had never been hospitalized for a physical condition until the very end of july 2010, then since then I have been stuck getting admitted over 8 times. and once in the icu/cdu. But we haven't been in a hospital s- yes we have... I have only been admited once since we got our puppy in October 2010, and that was only because there was no way to help it.. at all.. we didn't even have a say in going because I was out of it, had went into sepsis shock when the hospice had just tested me for a uti a day prior and said i was fine and my test was perfect and normal. Then the next day we end up in the ER with our roomate who was/is a cancer patient and was headed there and trying to wake me up to tell me, but we wouldn't wake. So he decided it was time we both went to the ER. And the hospital admited me for antibiotics through iv, Vancomicin or something like that, then we started having lip, tounge, and throat swelling and all the classic allergic reation problems through the PICC line we had, and they stoped it and gave me lots of benedryl and then went on roseacin or something like that for good while. And the sepsis shock was caused by sepsis which was caused by a kidney infection which was caused by a bladder infection which is a UTI, and the doc said i had to have it for more than just a day, i had to have it for months if not years for that to get that bad. that was our last physical hospitalization which was the end of Aug 2011. And i just remember there was a weekend in the end of either june or july 2011 that i was hospitalized but that was due to "adult failure to thrive" and malnutristion and also to place the power picc line which doc ordered and was the reason i went in. but got stuck with being admitted due to my bloodwork that came back. and i wasn't doing so good anyways.
Last time I was in a mental hospital was the state hospital and we were discharged March 14, 2009. none since then.

I used to baby sit, and watch kids... I fostered a little girl for 6 months of her 9month life. until her father was able to take both her and her brother on their own. and she died a week later.... drowned in the tub... I never got closure and I have never lost anyone so close and barely even lost a pet, but we turned ourselfs off when we lost the pets... but I was told by the family that i was not part of the family.. and i was not invited to the funeral. nor was i able to goto the grave... I tried making a memorial of pics i took to be my closure but my biological mother took that and ripped it to shreds and throwed in the fireplace ..... so... we're stuck and dont know how to greve. nor do we really want to talk much on it in case the family comes along and reads anything about it. Because I can't take the hurtful things they have to say. as when you take care of a baby from 2 months old, and go through teething and sitting and teaching to sit and stand, and even spend pretty much 24/7 with them except for 2 weekeneds that whole time and you change diapers and pay for it all, you get really attached and someone like me with attachment problems, I got attached way too much, and ended up seeing her and feeling about her and being as attached to her as i would if I had my own child. She was my best friends niece so i thought I would always see her, even tho we would not always be the caregiver... we never expected something like this to happen. nothing like this to happen! I WAS SUPOSE TO SEE HER GROW!! SEE HER GOTO SCHOOL!!! HEAR ABOUT WHEN SHE GETS A BOYFRIEND!!! HELP WITH HOMEWORK!!! VISIT HER FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!! I WAS SUPOSE TO DIE BEFORE HER!!!!!!!!!! ...

and... i used to volunteer at a few animal shelters... i have no transportation now.. nor much hope for any of it right now. that will get better i'm sure. but.. right now i dont feel hopeful.

As you are standing in this one spot in time, in your life and asking this very question, even though you look back on your life and say, "I have felt like I have always been on my own", you must also recognize what you have managed to accomplish even though that was a reality for you. In spite of whatever you faced in your life, you actually did survive and you also did find ways to connect with others.
And you did that pretty much on your own right? So, what enabled that to happen?
Lexi, even though you have been on your own, even though you are handicapped, you did something very important, YOU, LEARNED HOW TO LEARN. No matter what you are doing right now, you have accomplished more than you truely realize. The one thing you DO have in your one own life, is the fact that you did survive and more importantly, you have made a decison on your own somehow to "Learn". Remember, you have managed to be a part of some kind of group Lexi.

Thanks. I will save this somewhere to keep it to look at... That really made me feel a bit brighter than the dark that i'm in.

I used to say home is only within my mind, but i dont even feel like that is home any more. once we noticed someone's location had within their own mind as well.
Home is where i can be me without fear of geting in trouble, or anything negative. home is where it isn't a hostile and toxic enviroment. home is where we are content. home is where there are people there for us, just like we are there for them. home ... is a group of caring people who love unconditionally and we dont have to have a fear of them suddenly disapearing because we spoke and said how much they really meant to us, or when we ask for help, or when we dont allways give into what they want and we actually want what we need for one time within years, home is where we don't feel insecure or have fear. or fear of violation, or being invaded or poisoned... home is where even if there are fights, no one gets severly hurt, and everyone is treated equally and are not a burden or treated worse than fleas or other parasites. or told to leave the fleas alone because they need to live too, and they were in the room first before we were.....

there are a lot of people here... quite a few have some simlairites to us. ... some... we lost due to them succeeding in something I never wanted for them or anyone else...
But I dont remember much as my time on here. most of my time was really spent in the games area because they distract and make me feel better... usually... only rarely did we ever come out of our shell from that area and post elsewhere to others. and only recently within the past months have we really been branching out and trying hard to help others.

....*nods* nothing is perfect.. its the imperfections that is beuaty in the eyes of the beholder... but some places are so toxic.... it isn't survivable... and at 24 we are really stuck.. more stuck than we were when we were kids and hoped for cps to help. everytime i reached out for help and gave them another chance, it only let me down and made my situation even so much worse...

my heart is too.... depressed to really see anything other than ... depressed things...right now. but i know what you mean.. right now though my heart isn't settled anywhere...

alone... as in the kind where we could be in a room full of people... and still feel alone...

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Im truely sorry im so depressed and depressing right now. my head knows it will get better, even tho we dont know how, and everything else in this body says other wise.. "no good .. at the end of the rainbow".... but the mind knows because it's been so reassured inside the mind that things do get better. i dont feel like it will get better but my thoughts say it will...

Thank you so much... And i'm so sorry for how depressing my reply is... But thanks so much!

[madisgram]

double dipping...
my parents are deceased. at that time all the dysfunction of my siblings reared it's ugly head. to make a very long story short i realized that first a healthy distance from them was needed. i moved away and started all over. i must admit i was terribly sad but knew i needed a new beginning. over time i acquired friends. many had their own family. i got invited to their family occasions. that became an extension of more friends. friends that really cared about me unconditionally. i had created my own "family" with them...over 25 yrs. yes it's difficult at first lexi but build on the friends you find...you'll make new friends stemming from them. take an exercise class, go to the park and strike up a conversation, if you have faith join an active church, help others, etc.
recently i returned to the state my sibs live in. they tried to start up the unhealthy behaviors with me. i've basically done the same as before. emotional distance. i've made a few great friends. i will build anew.
also know that there are many ppl who feel alone too. you may find them and you can give back what they need too.
here's a helpful site with suggestions overcoming aloneness http://www.personal-development.com/...loneliness.htm
many hugs to you, lexi.