[alwaysnexteded]

I am not sure what my actual diagnosis would be. I lie sometimes to avoid trouble, or to acheive approval, and sometimes I lie for no reason at all. I usually realize afterwards that what I said was inaccurate, and rarely I will admit it. I also feel extremely guilty afterwards, but I am terrified of admitting it due to the consequences of lying. I know this sounds hypocritical, and if I understood it I wouldnt be seeking help,

[LiteraryLark]

There's nothing wrong with you. You lie, and there's nothing wrong with that either. There's no truth-serum you can take to make you lie less. The only problem is that you feel guilty. If it makes you feel better, you can talk to your therapist about it, but lying to get out of trouble does not make you a pathological liar. Pathological liars do not feel guilty because half the time they believe their own lies.

I don't want to come off as harsh but...don't worry about it. You're fine.

[alwaysnexteded]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

There's nothing wrong with you. You lie, and there's nothing wrong with that either. There's no truth-serum you can take to make you lie less. The only problem is that you feel guilty. If it makes you feel better, you can talk to your therapist about it, but lying to get out of trouble does not make you a pathological liar. Pathological liars do not feel guilty because half the time they believe their own lies.

I don't want to come off as harsh but...don't worry about it. You're fine.

I appreciate the confidence you have in me, but my lying has ruined my life. My partner of two and a half years cannot trust me, which is understandable. I want to be a person with integrity. I might not have to opportunity to salvage my relationship with the love of my life, but I would really like to not ruin anymore relationships I have because I lie.

[Rohag]

Hello, Alwaysnexteded!

Originally Posted by alwaysnexteded

...and sometimes I lie for no reason at all. I usually realize afterwards...

These are unpremeditated lies, yes? They just spill out almost automatically?

In another place, you told us this:

Originally Posted by alwaysnexteded

I grew up in a house where lying was common, and like a secret between me and my mother. I also was punished unporpotionately to the things I did. ( I left my book bag on my floor, and I was grounded from all priveleges including my car for six months) I used to be terrified to fess up to things and would lie instead.

Sounds like lying was both a way of life and a survival technique in your early years. It has deep roots.

Please keep posting. Talk it out - we're not therapists but we have open eyes & ears. Work out for yourself a vocabulary to describe what you are experiencing.

[Open Eyes]

alwaysnexteded,

Well, I am glad you are recognizing that lieing may be a problem for you. None of us here can really diagnose you though. We CAN support you in your efforts to try to find out why you do this and that should be done with a therapist.

The fact that you do feel guilty about it is a good sign because I think that DrSkipper is right, if it didn't bother you it would be a problem.

I think everyone lies a little to be honest. But some people lie to impress others and it can be a sign of low self esteem. My husband had that habit and often he would tell about something that happened or a fishing trip and he would do this lieing thing that annoyed both me and my daughter. He would always embellish the real stories and lie about the size of the fish and how hard it was to catch etc. Ofcouse he also was an alcoholic too and lied about that which also became a problem for me.

What do you think? Do you think you may have low self esteem and might be using lieing as a method to cover that up? Sometimes that CAN be one of the reasons many people DO lie. And then it can just become a habit.

I think that maybe you should try to be more honest and see if you can overcome this habit slowly. Try to catch yourself and take more control. I think that we all can make improvements in ourselves if we do things that we know are bothering us.

People will respect and trust you more if you are honest you know. There is something more empowering when you tell the truth. But it is good to know why you lie because you will be able to spot it in others. A lot of people DO lie unfortunately and it can become a habit. I don't like it myself and one of my pet peeves is to corner someone and make them tell the truth because I find it very disrespectful when they lie to me and try to spin me.

I am only giving you the could be as I am not a therapist.

Oh Rohag, we were writing at the same time, yes I see your point, it could be a survival technique that slowly became a habit and now that I see more of the history, yes, it could have deep roots.

Open Eyes

[shezbut]

I agree with Dr Skipper on this.

The fact that you feel very guilty is good for you. You have a conscience, which is good! Let that good conscience guide you more often through life. That will lead you through less misery, guilt, and shame.

When a person repeatedly lies and steals, without remorse and believing that they did nothing wrong, that's when they need some help. Those people are highly resistant to treatment though.

Best wishes to you!

[alwaysnexteded]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, Alwaysnexteded!

These are unpremeditated lies, yes? They just spill out almost automatically?

In another place, you told us this:

Sounds like lying was both a way of life and a survival technique in your early years. It has deep roots.

Please keep posting. Talk it out - we're not therapists but we have open eyes & ears. Work out for yourself a vocabulary to describe what you are experiencing.

Yes I do it without even thinking. It is almsot like a reflex, and I really want to stop. Some of my lies have been whoppers, and they was motivation behind them. Some of the lies are I remember something differently than someone else. Some of them have no explanation what so ever.

[alwaysnexteded]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

alwaysnexteded,

Well, I am glad you are recognizing that lieing may be a problem for you. None of us here can really diagnose you though. We CAN support you in your efforts to try to find out why you do this and that should be done with a therapist.

The fact that you do feel guilty about it is a good sign because I think that DrSkipper is right, if it didn't bother you it would be a problem.

I think everyone lies a little to be honest. But some people lie to impress others and it can be a sign of low self esteem. My husband had that habit and often he would tell about something that happened or a fishing trip and he would do this lieing thing that annoyed both me and my daughter. He would always embellish the real stories and lie about the size of the fish and how hard it was to catch etc. Ofcouse he also was an alcoholic too and lied about that which also became a problem for me.

What do you think? Do you think you may have low self esteem and might be using lieing as a method to cover that up? Sometimes that CAN be one of the reasons many people DO lie. And then it can just become a habit.

I think that maybe you should try to be more honest and see if you can overcome this habit slowly. Try to catch yourself and take more control. I think that we all can make improvements in ourselves if we do things that we know are bothering us.

People will respect and trust you more if you are honest you know. There is something more empowering when you tell the truth. But it is good to know why you lie because you will be able to spot it in others. A lot of people DO lie unfortunately and it can become a habit. I don't like it myself and one of my pet peeves is to corner someone and make them tell the truth because I find it very disrespectful when they lie to me and try to spin me.

I am only giving you the could be as I am not a therapist.

Oh Rohag, we were writing at the same time, yes I see your point, it could be a survival technique that slowly became a habit and now that I see more of the history, yes, it could have deep roots.

Open Eyes

I definitely have a low self esteem which originated in my childhood, and I have yet to over come. My parents had this very crystal clear picture of how I was supposed to be, and I did not fit in that picture. I was and still am overweight, and they liked to point that out. They also told me how I never did any of my chores correctly, but never bothered to show me the correct way to do them. I do always feel like the things I do are going to be scrutinized even when they are not. So when I started talking to my ex I laid the foundation with things she would want in a partner(other than integrity) and presented myself as a person with those things. I did not confess my lies to her until she confronted me. In the beginning I was terrified that she would leave me if I confessed. She tried really hard to work through this with me, but I continued to lie to avoid some imagined punishment. I would really like to tell her I am, and one of the things I am most proud of is admitting I do have an issue with lying, and I want to be truthful not only with her but with everyone. So I am holding on to this thread of hope that she will find it in her heart to let me show her that I am not horrible, just troubled, and that I am working on my troubles. That hope is what keeps me going so I am going to hold on to it as long as possible,

[Open Eyes]

((((alwaysnexteded)))))

Well, you did tell the truth here about the fact that you do lie and that you don't like it. That is a start of being honest. How does it feel?

Hope? I think you are on your way here. This is something you can do, you don't have to hope about it, because you CAN learn to be honest.

You know, you can always come to PC and post to others. Work on being honest, as long as you don't hurt anyone. You can give your honest support. That is no garuntee that others will like you though. But you will learn how to be honest anyway because the truth is, there are always going to be people who dont like you. It may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. But being honest about yourself is much better than lieing, REALLY.

I think you can fix YOU, it will take practice, but you CAN do it.

Open Eyes

[RunningEagleRuns]

Good luck!

I used to lie alot too, but then I started to go to church and stopped. Its much better. You can stop too. Feel free to Private message me.

[alwaysnexteded]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

((((alwaysnexteded)))))

Well, you did tell the truth here about the fact that you do lie and that you don't like it. That is a start of being honest. How does it feel?

Hope? I think you are on your way here. This is something you can do, you don't have to hope about it, because you CAN learn to be honest.

You know, you can always come to PC and post to others. Work on being honest, as long as you don't hurt anyone. You can give your honest support. That is no garuntee that others will like you though. But you will learn how to be honest anyway because the truth is, there are always going to be people who dont like you. It may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. But being honest about yourself is much better than lieing, REALLY.

I think you can fix YOU, it will take practice, but you CAN do it.

Open Eyes

Thank you. I am trying to make strides in the right direction, and praise is always nice.