Feel OK, but still a little off

I feel calm and relaxed, but kind of sub par. I've been very tired lately, and it's been hard for me to focus even though I have exams coming up. I talked to a few people who live in my building for the first time in more than a month two days ago and it made me realize yet again how introverted I am. I just don't want to talk to anyone. I haven't this whole week. I'm supposed to see a guy tomorrow, but I haven't called him and he hasn't called me and I just don't care enough to initiate an outing I didn't really want to have in the first place.

I'm going home soon, and looking forward to it, but I know I'll feel obliged to put on a happy face and pretend that this was the greatest experience I've ever had even though quite honestly, I was about as close to depression as I hope I ever come in the first few months. On the whole, studying abroad in Ireland has been good. It really helped me gain a new perspective on my life, and I don't regret being here. But sometimes I just can't stand my own personality. I limit myself and I have no confidence in my own abilities. I think if I'd had the confidence, this could have been an even better experience, but there's no use in thinking about it.

This got negative fast...but really, I'm not unhappy. I'm just tired and there's a lot running through my head.

how do you feel today, Morghana?

I feel a little less down than when I wrote this, but that may reflect the fact that I just had a rather large latte at Starbucks, lol. My school at home (in San Diego) has posted the schedule of classes for next fall, and it's silly and betrays just how much of a nerd I am, but I started looking through them and getting exciting for what I'm going to study next fall. The stresses are still there--I still don't feel like studying (but then, when do I ever feel like studying?), I'm still a bit conflicted about this whole trip, and there are still aspects of my personality that worry me. But at the moment, they're not overwhelming me the way they were on Friday.

Anyway, thanks for listening and caring.

glad you're feeling a little better. and i think it's great you're excited about next falls schedule ... it does good to have something to look ahead to.