Why do people state the obvious

FIRST before anyone *thinks I MEAN them*...this is about a IRL friend...though I will say I see it a lot and it's so annoying

OK Today I was emailing back and forth with a long time friend...she went to law school for a while so she's not a complete moron....so I say....what would you do and gave 2 choices on something that was time limited as well...She replies with NOTHING I mentioned and there are only 2 choices....she comes up with ... things that are way too late to do... and ...other things that would put me well past my deadline..so I thanked her and moved on..
I have seen this before not just to me but many..like someone will say...(this is JUST an example) I hate my size...so they get ....well go on a diet...WTF, do they think the person who is asking is such a moron they didn't think to do that already????.....I really cringe when I read/see/hear junk like that and just never know what to say back..
Its NOT helpful to say what they *could* have done..its not helpful to state the obvious unless they ARE stupid....I would rather have someone reply, jeeze I don't know than get trash like that as a reply...SO I was left all day today feeling near tears and unheard

Post deleted by Petunia

Wish I knew what to say to be of help, all I can say is "I HEAR YA", people can be so insensitive, I'm sorry you're feeling so low, please try to take care of yourself.
(((safe hugs)))
Fox

Thanks Petunia but this was not intellectual either it was more like..I have 6 dollars and have to pay 1...only 1 of two bills...by next week...which would you choose....bill 1 or bill 2 and getting an answer of get a job ...ummmmm pay day would be past next week....maybe even weeks..,.this is the kinda thing I mean..Thats just an example but she wasnt intellectual or empathetic..its like she was on the moon

Thanks Fleeingfox...I was stunned and yet I know she cares..it's like very frustrating..Then she will wonder why I don't talk to her about myself but at this point..I dont wanna talk to her about me and will just fluff talk about her cause I feel very unheard and just sad

Could it be that you were asking someone that is highly intelligent a common sense question? You know, some highly intelligent people don't have any common sense.

Maybe this person has no experience to draw from? Maybe she's never had to make that kind of a decision!

More than likely, she had her own agenda, though.

I completely hear what you are saying! I get that all the time from my bf! I give him 2 options and he gives me some other answer. Like I'll give him a question that only requires a yes or a no...and avoid saying yes or no and gives me some long story that doesn't even relate! WTF?

SleepsWithButterFlies . . . some people do not know how to be social, let alone courteous or intelligent. If you can't forgive them for their ignorance, then say something like, "Thanks, that sure helps;" or "How is that supposed to help me?"

((((huggs))))

Well Sept she is smart no doubt but I do not know on the common sense..I have both the MEGA smarts ...well if I could find it and COMMON SENSE...I had thought when I first posted this that she had had a similar experience but then I thought about it and no she doesn't have much to draw on because she has always had and will always have safety nets to catch her...so that could be it...but what about other people I see and read who do that ? Sometimes I really wanna smack em

Exactly Lex.. WTF I mean I am very direct and concise in person...my communication skills are exceptional then I get this kind of reply and am dumbfounded. I think a 6 y/o on Halloween being asked if they want a crunch bar or a snickers bar being told they have to pick one of the two and go to the next house could grasp the concept better than she did...I am....stunned

Sleeps,

I think some people simply don't listen.
They seem engaged but they're thinking about their own stuff.

What you're telling them is going through their
"Gee, that remindes me of something in my life" filter.

I often wonder how some people make it through the day.

((Jennie)) I do totally forgive her..shes a good friend for wow many years but I am still stunned and feel like I wasnt heard...I did end up just thanking her and moving on..I am glad she could not see my face thanks

Twinks your post made me lol...I have to agree...IRL if someone sez to me...I want to lose weight..(another example) I would not say go on a diet...duh my style is more...what have you done so far ...then we move from there...seems to me I outlined all the things I have done with my friend..shes a friend so lol she knows anyhow but splat I lot that moronic reply

I agree with Tinks. It really is just as simple as that: people don't listen. I don't think it is deliberate, usually. They may try, they may think they succeed, but really, the average person just has really poor listening skills. To those of us who do pay close attention, at least some of the time, this can be very frustrating, but it is important to think of it as something over which people have little control most of the time - at the very least, far less than they think they do, anyway. I think that makes it easier to forgive and forget.

(((( rebound))))) Yo good to see you...yes that is most likely the case..I have stated in letters and I did this or that already and I have people saying have you done...this or.... hahah that ...grrrr no kidding its frustrating

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Twinks said:
Sleeps,

I think some people simply don't listen.
They seem engaged but they're thinking about their own stuff.

What you're telling them is going through their
"Gee, that remindes me of something in my life" filter.

I often wonder how some people make it through the day.

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Yap this is the best comment ever ...

I dunno, coming from someone who has been told she has 'no common sense' ... haha.

Mine is kinda related to things like ... never having to do stuff so not being able to do it (boy task stuff). But I have good business acumen and I can do sensible stuff as long as someone shows me (I'm not good with spatial problem-solving).

But enough about me, I think it's the filter that things go thru with someone who is absorbed in their own thing. Sure you would hope they would be giving you their whole hearted attention, but sometimes its like ... getting a few key words - using heuristics - mental shortcuts - and missing the point of what you need completely.

Sleeps is there anything I can do to help ... I will PM you.

Thanks Drunken..yeah its maddening to me cause even with issues I listen and read whats in front of me....this friend is nice but rather self absorbed all in all