[ToffeeBomb]

Hello,

I have had depression for about three years. When I was at secondary school I was bullied by a lot of people in my year. My best friend at the time lied and betrayed me in a really awful way and I have never been able to really trust people again. My nickname at school was The Hunchback of Notre Dame or The Hunch. I found some very old facebook photos that I was in recently from before I had facebook and I had been labelled as The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Also, my first boyfriend once said that I either had a really attractive face or a meh face and that I should always have my hair up because I looked way hotter. It makes me feel like even someone who was meant to be into be thought I was not that attractive. Recently I have been having some very obsessive and paranoid thoughts. I can't stop comparing to myself and my others around me. Even my closest friends which I hate because I get so jealous! I feel so ugly on the outside and really awful and weak on the inside. I am quite shy so I feel like I am ignored a lot of the time. I don't know how to get these thoughts to stop. They are a recent occurrence and I have no idea why it's all coming back to hurt me now.

Sorry for all the rambling,

ToffeeBomb

[seeker1950]

I'm old enough to be your grandmother, but have had a lifetime of obsessive thinking. Counseling may help you...I have to admit, though it did help me in realizing my behavior patterns, it didn't help me with the obsessive thinking. I think it's a brain chemistry disorder. I say that because once I was diagnosed with depression, I was prescribed an antidepressant. It was my family physician, not a psychiatrist, who made the depression diagnosis and prescribed the medication. I was in my early 40's when this happened with the doctor. It was a life-saver for me. Had I had the benefit of medication earlier in my life, I'm sure it would have saved me a lot of anxiety and obsessing. I DO still find myself occasionally thinking obsessively, but I'm able to control it and stop it!

Have you considered seeking a diagnosis which would result in a medication? I recommend it.

Also, I'm very sorry, and truly shocked!, that your "friends" would call you such cruel names. That's totally unacceptable. Being shy and quiet is fine (I'm an introvert myself!), and I find one should limit friends and acquaintances to those you truly trust and with whom you feel a connection. You WILL find them!

Are you in school at this time? I have a lot of encouragement about school.
Let us know~!

[ToffeeBomb]

Hello seeker1950,

I'm very glad that medication has made you feel better when my doctor diagnosed me with depression she prescribed me with an antidepressant but it hasn't been as helpful as my emotions are still very unstable. I feel okay some days but I have a lot of slips where I feel like I can't get up and do anything.

I have an appointment with a counsellor at the end of June and im really hoping they can help me change my way of thinking. I recently went through some old messages between me and an ex boyfriend and he said how my face could be extremely attractive or "meh" and that I'd be way jotter with my hair up. Since then I've had massive insecurities. After all the bullying I endured it felt awful to have someone who liked me to say those things. Although the guy im with now is amazing and calls me beautiful all the time I still feel obsessive about my looks and it makes me feel vain after being made to feel invisible and ugly for so long I crave validation from people now.

I feel us introverts can be seen as easy targets because we are shy. I don't trust many people so I limit my friends to a few people too. I am 20 years old and at university and I now have more friends than ever but I still feel so lonely in my mind.

Kind regards,

Love ToffeeBomb

[seeker1950]

You should try not to let the offhand comments of a former boyfriend affect your self-image and self-esteem. Your new beau sounds nice. But in that too, don't rely on another's opinion of your looks or intelligence to define you. At your age, I was a lot like you, craving validation, looking for it in other people, esp. romantic interests. I know, I do know, that it's what young people do, but the ones who succeed are those who focus on the education, which is a great GIFT! Also, the achievements and future benefits for your lifestyle will be greatly enhanced if you concentrate on your schooling rather than validation from others. If I could go back and reprogram my life, that's definitely what I'd do. You have a real chance to do that, and at such a young age. Social issues ARE important, especially when you are so young. It's unfortunate that you've experienced a lot of bullying and abuse, which was traumatizing. But now you've moved on,and So good that you are studying at a university! Try to put the bad behind you and remember each day is a new day, an opportunity for success.