Hard conversations

Tonight, my mother broke down during dinner. She and dad had an argument, but I don't know what it was. So, while we were eating, mom went to the bathroom and cried.

I gave her a bit of time before I got up to see her. As I was leaving the table, Dad told me to apologize to her. For what - only he knew. I didn't care, I just wanted to comfort my mother.

She said she doesn't want to die, that the cancer has spread, and she wants to know why her. When her brother past away from cancer years ago, we believed it wasn't genetic, but now she thinks it is.

I told her that it's different. Not the same type of cancer, and the surgeon said he took all the cancerous cells/tissues out. But, there's not 100% guarantee.

Dad told her that the rest of us didn't want her to die even more, and kept on repeating that the surgeon cleared her.

He kept on and on. I told him that there is always this thought that maybe the cancer did spread but it wasn't caught, or that it came back. There is always that 'what if'. I told him that we can tell mom that we're there for her and all, but she's the one who is sick, she's the one who has to undergo treatments. I stopped short of saying that she's the one who'll suffer from the treatments.

I told mom to try to tell herself that until she sees her doctor next week, that there is hope. She could try keep holding onto that hope.

I don't know what else to do or say. I almost cried with her. I wish there are some magic words.

It's so hard, trying to comfort her on the one hand and trying to get dad to understand what she might be thinking and going through.

Dad gets very dramatic. When he gets introuble for saying the wrong things, he tends to say, 'You want me to die? Is that what you want?'. Well that is so bad, especially now with mom. I have a feeling he might have said something to that effect, and maybe that's what broke mom down. I dunno.

I want everyone to be ok. Just dont know how to make it so.

((((SS)))) hon all you can do for her is be there for her. My mom would never talk about her cancer with me but did others in my family. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Hi ss, sorry you are having a tough time. I hope your mom is okay. Been missing you.

SS I am so sorry about your mom. I hope the doctor visit next week brings good news.

If there is anything I can do please pm me any time or if you just want to talk. I know where you are coming .I also want you to know I am here anytime, I'm though and prays are with you and your family, I would be glad to help you in anyway I can Right now you need to take it one day at a time and one step at a time.

((((((((((((((((((((ss))))))))))))))))))))))

so many thoughts, prayers and wishes to you, your mom and your entire family.

kd

I know what it's like to want to comfort someone when you can't do anything to fix the situation, especially when dealing with health issues. I send you wishes for strength and hope, and I wish your mom to be fully healthy and to not worry.

(((((((((((((((SS8282)))))))))))))))
my thoughts are with you andyour family

HUGZ to you my friend

((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))))))))),

My heart is with you, having to go through all of this with Mother & your family. I hope that the
Dr's appointment will show up that he is right about getting all the cancer in the surgery. Cancer is such a hard thing to go through.

I know I went through this with my Mother just about 1 1/2 years ago. Unfortunately, my Mother ignored the lump & went into the Dr when the cancer was already stage IV. It took almost a year of chemo & radiation treatments before he could even do the surgery. I remember clearly the morning after surgery when he came into the waiting room telling me that "he got it all" (like how could he tell that since the tests weren't back on the tissue then). Within 5 months, it was obvious that something was very wrong again, but I had no support with the fact that the cancer had really spread.

My Mother trusted that her Surgeon would tell her everything she needed to know, & he continually told her & me that "he got it all", & she kept telling me that he "saved her life", & that with her prayers & the prayers of all her friends & church people, that she knew she was going to get better. No one ever told me what was going on with her either, which was part of the reason the home care RN pulled the ID theft I caught her doing along with all the other trauma things she put me through.

If there is anything that I can help you with,,,,,just talking about what is going on, thoughts, support of any kind, I am here...& you can PM if that is more comfortable. So as not to inject my experiences I went through with my Mother into your thread, I will PM you with some of what I went through.....there are many many triggers that now take me back to the trauma I went through & unfortunately, the trauma had so much effect on me that I haven't really been able to experience the grief that would be normal feelings to be dealing with.

I think you are very right to keep up your mothers hope.....hopefully her Dr will be honest & up front with her about her condition.....it is so important for the patient & family to understand everything that is going on. That way, support for everyone involved is a very important thing for everyone involved.

You are being a wonderful support for your mother, but do put it all on yourself to make it all ok. I have found out, that making things ok is impossible, but supporting the best way possible is the most we can do.

Debbie

((((((((((( SS & family )))))))))))

It sounds like you are doing everything perfectly. I'm so sorry you and your family are having such a hard time. You're upset and stuck in the middle, too. I hope your Mom's news is very positive and that your Dad manages to get on track with your Mom's thinking. I hope you can find some peace in this. Please keep us posted.

Hugs,

Jan

((((((((((((((( SS )))))))))))))))))

It sounds to me like you are doing all you can and I think you should take comfort in that. Take care, I hope you are hanging in ok.

Drop me a line if you get the urge.

ss, my heart is with you. Please know that I am sending warm wishes and healing your way.

((((((((((((be))))))))))) thanks. I am trying to be there for her. I'm trying to take her lead and talk about it if she initiates it. I hope she knows she can talk to me.

Sorry about your mom not talking to you. I can't guess why, I can only guess how much it hurts. Huggles.

((((((((((ww))))))))))))) you have your own problems, and still manage to have good wishes for others. Thank you.

I miss you too. The more 'stuff' I've got going, the quieter I get. I'm sorry. I don't know why, it's just the way I 'work'.
Hugs

Thanks (((bi-bear))) me too. Wish I could be there with her, but she doesn't want me to take time off work. Dad will be with her. I know he'll 'behave' himself. He can be pretty good when he's not being a child.

Thanks for your offer ((((((((((red_rose))))))))), and your thoughts and prayers. We certainly need those. You're so nice to make the offer to a stranger.

Good advice - one day at a time, and one step at a time. That's what we're trying to do, though it's hard.

I'll have to wait until after the appointment to see what happens. Hopefully nothing.

Thanks again. Hugs.

Thanks, (((((((KD)))))))) hopefully all these prayers will be heard.

Maven, thanks. Somehow, I think my mom's the strong one. Sometimes she'll break down, but for the most part, she's an amazingly strong woman.

((((((((((katheryn)))))))))) thank you.

Big huggles to you (((((((((((((pooh)))))))))))))))))). How are you doing?

Um, about the link - I clicked on it and a message said, the picture or something, is no longer there. Heck. could be me. Sorry.

(((((((((((debbie))))))))))))) thank you. I'm so sorry about your mother and everything. She's got it bad - the illness, then the ID theft. Really sux. Thank you for opening up and sharing. I hope nothing like that will happen to my mother, but I'm glad for this 'warning'.

I guess sometimes hope is all there is, but is it enough?

((((((((jan))))))))) thanks.

One of my biggest worries is my dad. He can be 'good', but sometimes, he just doesn't think and say things that are hurtful. We (mom and I ) used to tell him that he must enjoy making people upset. Why can't he think before the talks?

Stuck in the middle is right. I need to support my mother. But dad's very old fashion when it comes to 'children' talking back or standing up to their parents, no matter how right the 'children' are.

If he and I get into a fight, mom would come between us. If the argument's between them, I usually let mom take care of herself - which she can do very well, but now, I don't think she has that kind of energy.

I dunno. Have to take it as it comes, I guess. hugs

Thanks for the hugs, (((((((fuzzywuzzy))))))))