need to vent

I want to love you
not a woman, but also a woman
not a man, but also a man
I want to love you all
you who i see today, and you who i exchange words with

but do i want to love for selfish reasons?
do i want to love purely to feel better?
is it wrong that the way i feel about you
is just to make me feel the way i want

do i see love as the cure
I do, but to love the right way
how is this done?

am i afraid of rejection of my love?
to have my heart ripped and husked like an ear of corn and thrown away

I see you all expressing your love, in hugs, and pats, and chiding's
and i see how freely you talk, how openly you discuss, and how truly you feel
the way i want to feel

i've felt the way you feel, openly.
but now i want to feel that way
because i do not.

how do i go each day without love
that is without freedom
freedom i say, is this what love brings?
i've felt it and now it is gone into hiding.

i'm confused and lost, but with love
their is no lost, only home, and home free
running as fast as possible, found, free, and flying

it makes me feel like there is answer to all the pain
not freedom from pain,
but the freedom to find new pain
undiscovered pain, cleansing pain, and pain that with it comes growth

i touched love, not that it was always missing
but it was a piece that would not fit into the right puzzle piece

i want my life back
i want my freedom
i want to love, but is it just something i expect out of myself because it is the right thing to do. that it is simply the way forward.
i must, i feel, go beyond myself, and put faith in a love for all humanity.
in a love for always, and cement the bond, cast the handshake in bronze.

i want to love, but is it for the right reasons?
i don't know if i'm there...
i have doubts about my own understanding.

There is selfishness in love. In fact, I would say that if you tried to remove it, you would not have love left. Don't be afraid ... it won't hurt you.