Finding closure with parents

What thoughts help you find closure with your parents?

I used to be pissed off with them, for everything. But with time, I started to realize that:

-even if they didn't give many material things to me, they gave something, and they had to give up stuff themselves due to me
-that I also offended them, many times
-that although I thought that they should deal better with their supposed mental issues, I was also not dealing well with my real mental issues
-that there is no way of thanking them for being created
-that I have to be the change that I want to see
-that certain things won't change

Any more?

It is amazing that you realized so much. It is difficult to let it go. I found closure with my dad because he didnt understand and i was so angry at him. The bio mom and stepmom. Not at all. Do u find it is easier to find closure with just one or both of your parents?

Each one is a different case, with different issues. People are different, we need a different approach to understand each one of them.

I found closure by realising that by being angry towards my parents meant that they were still controlling me. I was no angel in the situation either so taking some responsibility for my own actions and letting go of what cannot be changed made me feel healthier and more at peace. What they feel/decide to do now is their problem - i got better for myself and myself alone, whether they choose to do that is up to them. I hope ive been helpful. All the best.

I still have not found closure with my parents. I would like to, but i think I need to find closure with myself first. I was a horrible child, very difficult for them to handle. at the time no one realized that I had a personality disorder and could not help the way that I was behaving. I didn't understand and either did they. It was not their fault, but I am still angry that they had me admitted for a very long stay at a psychiatric hospital. again, not their fault. This horror there was something that I still can not recover from, so I do not know how to talk with them any longer. no closure. the subject is off limits by them as well. no ideas here.

I was angry with my parents for many years because they didn't give me any emotional or physical affection. I felt unloved and unwanted for many years.

But then I realized something. They gave me what THEY were given! They couldn't give me what they didn't get! How could they? They were both emotionally bankrupt! My father came from a family of 9 children, so he go absolutely no affection, as he was one of the oldest, so he had to fend for himself. My mother was an only child, but her parents were drinkers, so they didn't give her the attention she deserved.

I was able to forgive them because they just didn't know HOW to give me the affection I craved -- so I made sure MY children got lavished with affection and attention and they've NEVER felt unloved. The cycle has been broken.