[gon3withth3wend]

For people that have been diagnosed with any mental illness/disorder/ whatever you should call it, did you yourself suspect something was wrong with you before your diagnosis?

It seems to me that one should not suspect something is wrong with them, thus making their condition more of an illness, and not chosen behavior. I realized young that I was not normal, but I think that I've spent so much time thinking about what might be wrong with me that there must not be anything wrong. Did you yourself decide you needed to seek help, or did others insist that you sought help/ did you reach a breaking point? When did you know you had to do something about your condition?

[smilehopeandlive]

i was depressed and stressed out a lot before my illness and i sought help too but was turned down....but i never in my wildest dream thought that i would end being mentally ill... if my university batch mates had'nt played pranks on me i would have ended up being just stressed out ....but i guess fate had something else in store....

[-jimi-]

I knew I had depression, but my doc was of the kind that if you thought you had something, you just tried to be narcissistic or try for attention. So it took me 10 years to get the diagnosis of depression... Because I knew I had it. So when I realized I had Asperger's I shut up about it totally and hoped she would figure it out. She did, but it took a few years. I didn't want 10 more years trying to convince her.... Actually I've known for most of the stuff, it was just one thing I really didn't thought about, that was the ADD. It was suggested by my next doc, and even knowing I possibly had some traits, I sort of thought no biggie. Comes out I do have ADD. I sought help at first for anxiety stuff and I really felt it was out of control. And they agreed to what I had. But then they started label me with things I didn't have and it made my life hell.

[Anika.]

I think you can be mentally ill and know there is a problem. It's called having insight, and it's a pretty good thing, because without that helping ourselves would be pretty hard to do.

Does knowing that you have physical symptoms, and it turns out you have a physical illness make it any less of an illness or problem?

I think it's a very big misconception the mentally ill people lack any insight to know there is something going wrong.

You only really need to start talking to a lot of other people to sometimes realize that it isn't quite a common shared human condition.

I had my first bout of psychosis when I was 11, I really did think it was something we all must experience, but when I finally told my parents, then I realized it was not so. Although they blamed demons and put their hands on me and cast the devil out while speaking in tongues. At that point, and the more I asked around, I did realize this was not the norm.

People can have insight, even into psychosis, and you will see this with psychosis brought on by physical illness as well, but I would not say that it is a chosen behavior.

All I knew was that I felt like hell. Like I was an alien on another planet sorta. Life was going on around me and I didn't understand why I couldn't feel a part of it.

What this was was extreme depression. When I finally saw a proper Doc, I found that the depression was a result of dealing with some [not even remotely suspected by me] behavior and mood disorder stuff. I don't feel so alienated now that I know the reason behind my feeling that way. Various therapies, meds and other, have somewhat helped with this.

That said, the road to feeling as good as I can has been a tough one for me and remains so. My life has improved however. It just needs more improving to be able to fully come to terms with my limitations. I'll always be limited somewhat but understanding and adapting to these limitations can certainly further my enjoyment of life.

That all sounds cornbally a little but it's the way it is with me. At least it's how I see things tonight.

[possum220]

I knew something was wrong. Many times I tried to reach out for help but I was always met with, there is nothing wrong with you. So I stopped asking for help and trudged on. 10 years on I got help for depression. And I kept on trudging on. I tried many things trying to get myself fixed.

If you suspect something is wrong go and see a doctor or therapist.

[Contrast]

I've lived this way basically all my life, who is there to tell me my whole life is an aberration? (excluding the DSM of course).

[-jimi-]

Something I really don't understand is when people are obviously depressed and they don't know it. They go to a doc who says they are depressed and they are like Wha? And then they accept it.

How could they have missed it? What did they think it was? Nothing? Or something else?

Really a mystery to me.

[Odee]

The first time I experienced depression, it was a good several months before I realized that what I was feeling wasn't just me -- it was a condition.

However, it still took me a good number of years of uncertain feelings before I realized that I was "ill" and much of what I've thought and experienced were not really "me" as I thought they were. I still thought that my loneliness, shyness, anxiety, emptiness, etc. were a result of my personality.

One of the worst things about depression is that you convinced yourself that it's your fault you feel that way, or you're not a happy person, or that you don't deserve to feel better, or any number of those things. It's hard sometimes to realize that the depression isn't really you, and it isn't your personality.

I think if you feel abnormal compared to how you were before or to others than its natural to question if something is wrong - human beings are problem solvers by nature. Ive always known i was different - others seem less emotionally affected and appear to be able to communicate more effectively and with less effort. Trust me if i could 'choose' to behave differently i would but at least by being aware i have more of an incentive to actually do something about it. You don't have to be mentally ill to experience mental illness - none of us are infalliable, we are just as susceptible to being 'mentally' sick as we are 'physically.' With all the research and testing that has gone into improving the treatment of mental conditions i would encourage anyone to seek a professional opinion if they feel something is wrong - you can either put your mind to rest or live in constant doubt. I know which one id prefer.

Originally Posted by gon3withth3wend

For people that have been diagnosed with any mental illness/disorder/ whatever you should call it, did you yourself suspect something was wrong with you before your diagnosis?

It seems to me that one should not suspect something is wrong with them, thus making their condition more of an illness, and not chosen behavior. I realized young that I was not normal, but I think that I've spent so much time thinking about what might be wrong with me that there must not be anything wrong. Did you yourself decide you needed to seek help, or did others insist that you sought help/ did you reach a breaking point? When did you know you had to do something about your condition?

Suspect something? Yes and no. Depends on which dx we're talking about. The thing I knew something was wrong was the bipolar. I had no idea it was bipolar, just years and years of knowing that something was majorly wrong. To tell the truth, I didn't want to know. Because, for one, I vowed to be nothing like my mother. Then to my horror, saw reflections of her out of control behavior in my own. And if there was one thing I didn't want to hear...

The OCD and ADD, no. It seemed so normal to me. Doesn't everyone's brain do that? Also, the bipolar is definitely the most disruptive to my functioning. It's impossible to not notice.
I did not reach out. I knew it was something, but I didn't want to know what, because it must be horrible*. And I'd have to talk to someone. And I wanted no part of that. My ex was the one that pushed the issue in the midst of a massive depression, insisting I see someone.

I think it's interesting you say, "...but I think that I've spent so much time thinking about what might be wrong with me that there must not be anything wrong." This is certainly possible. Especially now, with the internet, there is a lot of self-diagnosing and it's all too easy to see bits of oneself in just about anything. And what makes that even more so with mental things is that its easy to mistake normal things as "symptoms". For instance, someone will think, "Yes, sometimes I'm so happy. And sometimes I'm so sad. I must have bipolar!" Um, no.
Or say someone shows one feature of a condition and gets fixated upon it. One symptom does not a diagnosis make. Even if we're talking about several it doesn't necessarily indicate a problem. Ha, before I go off on a rant, I'm not saying that any of this applies to you. Simply that people CAN overthink and fret when in fact nothing is wrong. They're just thinkin' about it too much. It's even a very common phenomenon among students as they begin to study psychology.

(*And I wasn't even really thinking MI, just that I had deep rooted personal shortcomings. And intractable, exasperating problems dealing like I "should" be able to in ordinary human situations. I didn't know diddly about bipolar even though I was a walking talking textbook case.)

Great answer regarding insight, Anika.

Originally Posted by jimrat

Something I really don't understand is when people are obviously depressed and they don't know it. They go to a doc who says they are depressed and they are like Wha? And then they accept it.
How could they have missed it? What did they think it was? Nothing? Or something else?
Really a mystery to me.

I know, right?! But... personally, I think the dsm has a pretty light threshold for depression.

The only way I can relate is to your "what did they think it was" question. When my first really big depression hit (college), it came out of nowhere, and I had no idea what was going on. It was a great big WTF?! I was having a GREAT time -- friends(!), good grades, thrilled out of my mind and thoroughly enjoying the musical jackpot of time it was, then WHAM! Could.not.function. Dark room, chocolate donuts, never went out, not even classes. (Totally unlike me.) Mental stuff really wasn't talked about much then. It was pretty damn obvious I was severely depressed, but it made.no.sense. I didn't know then that situational stuff wasn't a necessary component. So, yeah. Depression was the word, but it seemed such an insufficient word that there was a sense of well, yeah, but what is THIS?!

But I could not possibly agree more on the "how could they have missed it?" I can't begin to fathom that. It would be impossible for my personal experience. Ain't nobody gonna miss those!

[Hellion]

I always felt there was something different about me, and others seemed to notice because I got picked on a lot for being weird. I apparently had depression even as a child but I didn't even know what that was just thought I really must be a worthless waste of space so I attempted suicide. Then the psychologist I had to talk to or whatever informed me I was depressed. I thought it was something I'd just get better from but it does not seem to have gone that way.

[LostMom3]

I had known something was wrong for several years before I went to doctor for help. I have heard voices for as long as I have memories. I have had depression since I was 13, I attempted suicide at 14, thought real hard about it at 17. Had a baby at 18 and had a breakdown at 19. I cried every day for a solid year. I didn't know what to do. I was in a physically abusive marriage, with a young child, hearing voices, not eating, losing weight real bad, and being told if I left my husband I would go to hell. When I was 20, I finally went to the doctor and he diagnosed me as bipolar.

[SisterSRN]

Originally Posted by jimrat

Something I really don't understand is when people are obviously depressed and they don't know it. They go to a doc who says they are depressed and they are like Wha? And then they accept it.

How could they have missed it? What did they think it was? Nothing? Or something else?

Really a mystery to me.

I think it's because denial is part of depression. You can't tell you are depressed because you are depressed. When I was diagnosed I had been spending a lot of time in a fetal position not really wanting to live -- but until a professional said it sounded like depression I just knew I felt really bad. Felt dead inside actually.

Only in the course of medication and therapy I realized I must have been depressed at earlier times in my life.

[LadyShadow]

I never knew. I had to be hospitalized in order to know something was wrong with me.

Akira mentioned parents thinking you are possessed, mine did too.

No one accepted mental illness in my family and urged me to throw out the pills everytime I was hospitalized because they didnt believe in mental illness.

It took time for them to realize that mental illness was real and it had to be addressed and you couldnt wish it away. Also, I had to take responsibility for my actions and say to myself I need to stick with my T, my doctors and my pills to make it through the darkness safely.

If you are questioning whether or not you need help, seek out a counselor of some sort. A professional you can trust that wont just throw pills at you.

Good luck to you and god bless

with me i always knew i wasn't right.. and well to be honest, when i finally knew it all- it was a relief because i thought it was all in my head.

it was good to know what my problems actually were