I just find that whatever anxiety or MI group I join, I am completely different and dysfunctional compared to everyone else.

Others don't seem to have a particular problem making friends or starting relationships, or having hobbies, or running their lives, etc.

I am probably able to have a hobby, but I don't see any personal relationships for me in the near future, I am way too nervous. I am also barely able to run my own affairs these days. I struggle to even read a novel!

I spoke about the aforentioned nervousness I guess in the relationships board, where I mentioned that I 'think' I was on a kind of a date with this woman but I was too nervous and I left early. I also wanted to skype with someone earlier today but for some reason I felt unable to do so. I instead just made a video message of myself for this person . . . but then I didn't feel I could send it so I just deleted it. Maybe next time?

The point is I feel so different to everyone else. I don't know what I am missing, but I feel it's more than just the social phobia and the depression. My psychiatrist says maybe my Social Phobia is more severe than the people I am comparing myself to . . . I guess that's possible too, but it doesn't explain other stuff. Complete lack of motivation or goals, for example. Could it be that I'm just a man-child or a bum? And that because I have a MI . . . I have blamed it all on the anxiety and depression rather than face the fact that I am lazy?

I will go to sleep now, hopefully when I wake up I'll be an adult.

[Miswimmy1]

i dont think its because you are lazy. Have you considered ADD? That can cause lack of motivation, as well as anxiety and the inability to act properly socially. Many times, ppl with ADD have a hard time relating to others, and because of that, have few friends and have a hard time keeping long term relationships. Just a thought. But I dont think any of it is because you are lazy.

[CastlesInTheAir]

Well the thing is depression and anxiety can cause a complete lack of motivation.

Weren't you writing something at some point? You had to have the goal to start writing it.....also you see a pdoc and are on here posting about it, obviosuly you have a goal to have goals which is a goal in itself to better yourself, to be more comfortable, etc.....

You may feel completely different from everyone else because your social phobia hinders you from getting into the deeper aspects of social friendships and the like. How can you possibly relate to anyone on that deeper level if you dont give it a real chance? Here is the other thing, you WENT on a date with someone! Regardless of the fact that you left early, you WENT! You won't catch me on a date!

Another note: you may not be meeting others with such severe social phobia because thier phobia is so severe that they are afraid to talk to you but you dont know that because they have a social phobia .

You my dear friend make an effort and take strides wether or not you want to believe it. The fact that you WENT on a date, proves that.

I think your head gets in the way.....do you think you struggle with novels because you have so much on your mind?

I'm actually starting to think that thinking is a hobby for me because I do A LOT of it.

look at it this way:

I'm so jacked up right now that I cant even go OUT to fill out job applications because I am that self consious, I rush into a store and out of a store and wonder the WHOLE time I am in the store what people are thinking. I hesitate in every conversation. I dont just 2nd guess myself I will do it 20 times....if someone I dont know starts talking to me I immediatly go into oh **** mode.....etc etc etc....

give yourself more credit IT!

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

i dont think its because you are lazy. Have you considered ADD? That can cause lack of motivation, as well as anxiety and the inability to act properly socially. Many times, ppl with ADD have a hard time relating to others, and because of that, have few friends and have a hard time keeping long term relationships. Just a thought. But I dont think any of it is because you are lazy.

I have considered ADD, but my psychologist says I don't have that. It might be the depression and anxiety then. I just don't want to discount the possibility that I am just lazy. Because there are lazy ppl out there, so maybe I'm one of them. I don't know.

Originally Posted by triciadrich

Well the thing is depression and anxiety can cause a complete lack of motivation.

Yup, this is the thing I don't see in others.

[Yoda]

Having problems focusing at the moment but will return later.

Do you have problems only in groups or are you comfortable with one or two people? Is it the same with a stranger as it is with a relative or coworker or someone you know well?

Has anybody ever suggested you have autism/Aspergers or have you taken a quiz at PC that indicates you are likely to have it?

Originally Posted by Yoda

Having problems focusing at the moment but will return later.

Do you have problems only in groups or are you comfortable with one or two people? Is it the same with a stranger as it is with a relative or coworker or someone you know well?

I find groups easier than one - on - one. There's less pressure to talk, although I am less likely to talk in groups.

Has anybody ever suggested you have autism/Aspergers or have you taken a quiz at PC that indicates you are likely to have it?

Yes my psychologist suggested that I might have Asperger's, but that was the first time I saw her . . . and she hasn't mentioned it since.

Also it wouldn't explain the complete lack of motivation.

[KathyM]

An "outsider to outsiders" - good one. I'm "way out there" too.

When I was a kid, people would ask me what I wanted to BE when I grew up. I'd tell them I wanted to be ME. The thought of turning into someone else did not sound very appealing. I thought my only option was to become an adult - I thought my only goal was to grow old. I never heard an oak tree ask a cherry tree..."What do YOU want to be when you grow up?" Have you? I'm quite certain the answer wasn't a table or footstool.

I tried very hard, but I never seemed to meet the standards of others and/or the goals they set for me.

I'm not comfortable being molded or molding myself into someone else's image just to fit into a group. I never have and I never will be able to force someone else to love me, like me or welcome me with open arms into their circle without some sort of catch. I'm either too vile and vulgar for their taste, of no use to them, or too "wild" to belong in their group. I refuse to be anyone's puppet, I'm not tempted by carrots, and I can't/won't be tamed. Just ask my husband.

Good luck. I hope you're given a label that suits you - if that's what you want. I got me a fancy label now - "freak of nature." I've been tagged "chronic, progressive and terminally disabled....of no use to society." I never would have guessed that's what I'd grow up to BE one day.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Others don't seem to have a particular problem making friends or starting relationships, or having hobbies, or running their lives, etc.

The fact of the matter is, unless you ask people how do you know what struggles they themselves are going through? Not that this would ease your own personal suffering but i agree its a good idea for you to take up a few hobbies and start filling your life with a bit more activity. You won't wake up an adult - its a choice, yes you have difficulties and no doubt the anxiety and depression are affecting your motivation but i don't think its got to the point where you're unable to take a bit more control over life and make it more of what you want it to be. I think its good you're going to these groups and branching out, its just maintaining that momentum. If you set some goals you'll have another incentive to keep up the good work. Remember also to pace yourself and take things slowly. You have our support.

I think you've got some great responses so I can just add one thought. You've made friends and talked here... have you discussed that with your doc and maybe toss around a few ideas to find a way to use that in real life situations?
I'm not understanding the lazy thing... what do you do and think about when you're being "lazy?"

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Yes my psychologist suggested that I might have Asperger's, but that was the first time I saw her . . . and she hasn't mentioned it since.

Also it wouldn't explain the complete lack of motivation.

I have moderate Asperger's. One thing I struggle with is motivation. A lot of people think I am lazy, but I am not. Looking after my basic needs is hard, especially eating properly and keeping a clean apartment. This is a common challenge for people with AS. Not all of us have rigid OCD like routines and cleanliness.

Depression does not explain this at all in me.

Asperger's is worth looking into.

Originally Posted by triciadrich

...you have a goal to have goals which is a goal in itself to better yourself, to be more comfortable, etc.....

...I'm actually starting to think that thinking is a hobby for me because I do A LOT of it....

look at it this way:

....give yourself more credit IT!

I just wanted to highlight that I thought that was just spot on: making and having goals is a goal itself. Give credit where credit is due. I never thought of my thinking as a hobby, but I sure do spend a lot of time doing it. Take note: I have one hobby, yay!

[Real Magic]

Illegal Toilet. I LOLed when i saw your nic.

Anyways, i feel ya man, feel like an outsider too sometimes. It sucks.

Originally Posted by Didgee Eeyou

I have moderate Asperger's. One thing I struggle with is motivation. A lot of people think I am lazy, but I am not. Looking after my basic needs is hard, especially eating properly and keeping a clean apartment. This is a common challenge for people with AS. Not all of us have rigid OCD like routines and cleanliness.

Depression does not explain this at all in me.

Asperger's is worth looking into.

I took an online test of 51 questions and it said I am unlikely to have AS, although if I scored one more point I would be in the AS range . . . I think a lot of my score has to do with my social phobia however, as some of the symptoms of social phobia seem to overlap with those of AS.