I feel like I have to constantly get smarter...

While on 2.5 mg of abilify and 60 of strattera (which hasn't helped much) randomly today I decided I have to better myself and get smarter. I can't let things pass me by anymore, including school, and I shouldn't procrastinate as much. But now I feel like knowledge is power and I'm afraid of being stupid (mainly people thinking I'm stupid). I also have few friends (mainly because of the position I have been in the past few years, small private school, depression, etc.) but that's because I am mainly quiet, which is because I am afraid of saying something stupid, because I don't have a lot of knowledge (IMO). I feel like I'm going insane, in a way. I have nothing to lose at the moment, so that's why I'm feeling like this.

Anyone ever feel this way?

i dont have felt like this before, but i am pretty sure you have anough knowledge.. who said we have to be all smart amd never be wrong? heck! even Einstein was wrong in some things he said regarding quantum physics. if you are wrong, then you have the chance to learn the right answer! no one wa born knowing

Sure There will always be people who will think you're stupid or try to make you feel stupid. The irony is that you will actually be more intelligent than most of these people Lack of knowledge isn't stupidity. Lack of knowledge is ignorance. Ignorance is easy to fix by learning. Stupid is not easy to fix Learning should be enjoyable. Have fun.

If lack of knowledge is ignorance, then does that make me ignorant?

Plus, I feel pressured when learning. Not fun.

Well put, George,

In addition, mainly I'd like to add that use of a good Thesaurus never hurt anyone, either.

Dumb-Dirty Blonds Have More Fun!
-Fleeing Bellocq, Muse of the Mission District

same here pressured to learn not when it is my convienent. it was/still am hard for me to learn cuz all i heard is my mom yelling about learning. she feels "it's a white person's job," "your trying to be a sellout by learning," to "you need to learn to beat the white man!" daily all my life.

learning was never fun so i had this attitude of dreading it....

I always feel this way. I am constantly craving education. Even when I was not in college (took a break for 2 years till this fall) I was constantly learning Japanese and studying geography, particularly the countries of Africa and Asia. My brain needs to learn every day to be satisfied. I don't attribute this to any medication I'm on, although adderall helps me focus on the material I am studying. I think some people like us are just born this way. Constantly needing to learn. It's not a bad thing.

Well...yeah, ignorance is pretty much the definition of lack of knowledge. It isn't an insult though. It's just an objective definition.
There may be something in your background that makes you feel pressured. Try to find what it is and get past it

Hmmm... I hate to hear that. Before you are black or yellow or whatever, you are you. Be you, whatever that may be, but decide for yourself what it is you are or want to be. You can get a ****ing PhD and still be you.
Do it to piss off your mom if for no other reason
The OP quoted "knowledge is power." It is but it's also protection. The more you know, the less likely you are to be fooled, walked on, and taken advantage of. And the more you know, the more you have to talk about

The last few days, while I have been more confident in the road to bettering myself/improving well being, at the same time I am hellbent over it and can't seem to really give myself a break.

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, I graduated university well before 21 years old, did research and additional courses purely for interest, and am going for my 2nd degree in a different field. I have an amazing visual memory, however, I'll admit I've felt stupid many times and enjoy not fully understanding something because it gives me motivation to want to learn.

I want to add my 2 cents. I worry about looking stupid in class or wherever, but it doesn't always keep me from speaking up. Sometimes I'm willing to guess, but I'm constantly thinking, Will the professor think I'm not as bright as he probably did when I first came to class (because I take lots of notes, and show up on time and have other good habits, I'm afraid I've set up a standard that I really won't live up to)? Will the other students think I'm dumb? Will I think I'm stupid? I have failed to do what I'm supposed to do, and part of it is because of my OCD and panic disorder, but I don't want to make it known (except for a select few) that I am something they wouldn't consider me equal.

I procrastinate sometimes, but when it comes to college work, it's more about my OCD, because I want to wash after I touch the books and stuff, and I need to stay "dirty" while working since I'm handling my books, papers, etc., until I get done. I'm just hesitant to "push the button," so to say, to get dirty, do the work and get cleaned up.