[EJ711]

Does anyone here like conflict?

I've been working with the lady at the community college where I've been teaching to get ready to teach an online course for the Summer. I find her really annoying to work with.

She sent two e-mails this week to all of the online teachers that I perceived to have a strong negative tone. The first one was like we were being scolded. Evidently some teachers had communicated with their students that there were problems with the online website.

I don't know, it's just like I wind up feeling put down a great deal of the time after reading her e-mails.

My perception is she is technically good, but doesn't have the leadership and communication skills to really be effective in her position.

I finally did express some of my specific issues with the Dean today.

She also seems to hold onto data, like the problems with the website, that really should be passed along to the teachers.

I feel like she doesn't recognize my intelligence and experience, and talks to me like a child. I know I'm not making myself perfectly clear right now, but hope somebody will write back with some support anyway.

EJ

[Christina86]

Hiya EJ

You're being clear enough for me!

Just from what you've written, she does sound like a lot to deal with! Hopefully the Dean will do something about her, and make her realize that her responsibility is not to just do her job, but to do it NICELY.

*HUGS* I hope she's "straightened out" ASAP.

[Azalysa]

You have support from me, sweetie!!

Has this woman had her position for any length of time? At my former job after one of my peers was promoted, he felt "important" and threw his weight around for awhile.

On the other hand, some people are just nasty. Any response from the Dean yet?

The college is lucky to have you!!

[Maven]

Maybe you should have a talk with her, tell her how she makes you feel. Then you can be clear on what she means, whether she's being mean or just not communicating well.

[PsychStudent74]

Some pple like to throw their weight around when they have authority over other pple. Most pple like this have no self worth. They lack the feeling of importance in thier life so they make it up by "bulling"pple. The way I see it is you have 3 options
1) Talk with the dean.
2) Ignore the way she puts things and remember you can't control what other pple do.
3) Confront her in a appropriate manner and discuss it.

I hope this helps some. If ya need me I fot your back I will take her on! hahaha j/k

[EJ711]

Hi Aza -

Based on what the lady said to me when I spoke to her yesterday, it sounded like the Dean was on my side.

I don't know exactly how long she has been in this position. My impression is that she got the job primarily because of her computer skills. I think her communication skills may have been adequate for the size of the online program when it first started. But my impression is that it has grown past the point where she doesn't have the skills to manage the whole program effectively. I see the position as needing someone with strong leadership skills, and more positive and effective communication skills than she has.

She doesn't see the need to communicate software problems to the teachers, so we know when the system is down, or there is a software problem. She thinks I should ask all the questions. That's stupid. Oh did I mention, that I think she is lacking in brain cells. I don't care how smart a person is, but don't push me around, and then talk to me and treat me like I'm stupid and/or know nothing.

I think they should keep her to manage technical issues and perhaps to develop classes, but I have some issues with what she did in that regard too. I'm just used to dealing with high-caliber people, so when I hit a dud, and a dud who thinks she knows it all, and puts me down, it comes as an unpleasant shock.

Thanks for your support.

EJ

[EJ711]

Maven,

Good thought. That's partly why I exploded yesterday. I tried several times to get ahold of her over the phone on Thursday. She later did return the phone call, and I got the immediate information I needed at the time. She doesn't seem to know how to develop a relationship. We did talk some yesterday, but I don't know if it will be enough to get things back on track.

EJ

Stand up for yourself, Jane! You are an intelligent person, who also needs to be treated like one!
Not being able to communicate in her position, is like trying to get a thread into a needle- in darkness. Her work will not get properly done! If she wants the others to respect her leadership she has to learn how to respect them first! Or she will sit there with her thread in the darkness...
I don't know... but I think I would try to talk to her myself, in a gentle but firm way.

I hope this blows over for you Jane, as quickly as possible!

(((((((((((((( Jane )))))))))))))))

[EJ711]

Poetry Lover,

I love your new siggy! What a handsome baby!

I did stand up for myself yesterday.

You read between my lines perfectly, she is talking to me like I'm stupid. That's one of my buttons.

I don't respect her at this point, because I feel she hasn't been respecting me.

I would have to drive an hour and a half oneway to talk to her face to face, but maybe I can squeeze it onto my calendar next week.

Thanks,

Jane

[January]

(((((((((( EJ )))))))))))))

You and I share a common trigger. It infuriates me when someone talks down to me, but lately I've decided that it has to be that person's issue, and not mine. I make sure I get my point across and leave them to their miserable self.

Stand up for yourself and get the info you need. If all else fails, ask the dean to call a meeting of all staff. That would help, but do be careful not to step on toes and make things worse.

I am so sorry you are having to put up with an ingrate.

Hugs,

Jan

[Lexicon78]

(((((EJ)))))

[EJ711]

Thanks, Lexi ,Jan and everybody,

One of the other reasons I got as upset as I did yesterday, b/c the advisor there on the weekend said to be very, very understanding with the students about deadlines, b/c the software system had been down so much during the week. This was the first time I had been told that! This information had not been shared with all the teachers by my coordinator friend. Here I am sending out progress reports and notes reminding all the students that their assignments are due next Tue., w/o realizing they may have had a great deal of difficulty getting online. Also, I think the volume of assignments is excessive for a summer course, but that is another issue. I did get permission from the Dean yesterday to make adjustments as I deem necessary.

Wow, I just realized while I was out in the kitchen, adding ice cream and whipped cream to my coffee, what other button her behavior has triggered. Growing up my mother wouldn't allow me to become independent from her. This woman gives me so little information, in bits and pieces, that at this rate she will be my mother forever --- Yikes!!!!!!!!!! LOL!! No wonder all my bells and whistles are going off!!!!!!!!

At least I know now why I'm so upset.

Thanks everybody for writing and listening and helping me figure this thing out. It has helped a lot. Anybody else who has any thoughts, please share too.

EJ

[Zen888]

((((((((((((((((EJ))))))))))))))))))))))

[EJ711]

Hi All,

Some of you must have been praying, b/c I was given a HUGE revelation about 15 mins. ago, from the lady who has been driving me nuts at work. She has a military background.

I totally admire people who go into the military, and serve our country.

I am so relieved to have this key.

EJ

[ErinBear]

Hi EJ,

Sorry to hear that this is such a difficult situation. It sounds like you've gotten some good suggestions here already. Another one I'd suggest is to take a deep breath and count to ten when you feel yourself getting upset in dealing with this person. Sometimes when I feel upset with a person I have to deal with, if I sort of "take a moment to step back" like that, and give myself a little breathing room, it helps me think better as I calm down a little bit. I also give myself the chance to come up with a better way to deal with the person and the situation.

It sounds like this other person could benefit from some improved people skills! But it also sounds like you'll continue to deal with them this summer....hopefully things will improve somehow as you go along. And I hope the computer system will keep working okay as much as possible! When the system goes down, that definitely adds to everyone's frustration, I'm sure, the system operator's frustration as well as the teachers'!

Anyway, I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best. I'm sorry there is this extra frustration on your plate. Hang in there.

Take care,
ErinBear

[(JD)]

Stand back and analyze this woman and I think you will come to a good solution. Either she is feeling inferior or insecure about the position, or she is highly confident and assuming many things? imo anyway.

She might not be used to discipling herself to get the job done... she might be used to someone telling her exactly what to do when and nothing more (i.e. her reason to piecemealing her information to you?) OR She might be used to total control and only giving out what she thinks others can fathom. Either way, it appears she hasn't settled into her job description yet, eh?