[Kalamity]

My four year old son's father is getting married in August. Long ago I agreed to let the father take my son out of state for four days for the wedding. Now I'm not so sure it's a good idea. After his father had him for the day on Saturday he, the father, told me that he couldn't get my son to eat dinner and he implied that it's been an on-going problem. When I got my son home he ate like he hadn't eaten all day long.

My son is a very picky eater. He likes certain brands and won't eat any other. He chooses foods by sight, smell, color, texture ... who knows what. He'll eat one brand of chicken nuggets but won't eat another that looks exactly the same to me. He's like that with all foods and is hesitant to try new things. Slowly I'm getting him to taste little bits of new foods, but this is not really what I need advice on.

The father doesn't think he should give my son what ever it is he'll actually eat. He thinks my son should learn to eat what he's given. That's debatable but again not the issue that I'm asking for help with. I'm now worried about sending my son off for four days out of state with someone who isn't going to feed him. My son will choose to starve over eating something that he does not want to eat. I've been down that road with him - that is not debatable.

Do I press his father and hope that he feeds my son, or do I now tell him that I can not in good conscience let him take my son out of state when he isn't able to get him to eat?

[Rhapsody]

Is your son eating well for the father during the other two meals of the day? - if YES, then I would still allow your son to go.... he needs to remain a part of his dads life.... to bond in love and friendship as males do.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Lexicon78]

Sounds like this guy doesn't seem to care about his son much. I mean if it were my son I'd make sure to get the things he liked just so he could eat.

I'm a very picky eater, too, so I can understand your son's unwillingness to eat certain brands and things like that.

Sounds like this guy is unwilling to accept reality. Sure it would be nice if everyone ate everything they were given but that's not reality!

If he's willing to feed your son what he will eat, then I'd let him go. If not, then I wouldn't let him. Your son needs to eat. That's my concern.

[Rhapsody]

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Lexicon78 said:
Sounds like this guy doesn't seem to care about his son much. I mean if it were my son I'd make sure to get the things he liked just so he could eat.

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I don't feel as though this man is uncaring of his sons needs, but rather that he is uneducated in the rearing of child.
Most people tend to think that a picky child is nothing more than a spoiled, but those of us that have raised a picky child knows better (like I - my youngest was picky about what he ate when he was young and at age 16 he still is).... this is just part of his personality.

Hang in there.......

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Kalamity]

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Rhapsody said:
Is your son eating well for the father during the other two meals of the day? - if YES, then I would still allow your son to go.... he needs to remain a part of his dads life.... to bond in love and friendship as males do.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

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He only has him from lunch time until after dinner (his choice not mine). He often says that my son ate really well at lunch but my sons behavior often indicates that he hadn't had much for lunch or dinner.

I'm not suggesting that my son not see his father at all, I'm only concerned about him taking him out of state for four days when he hasn't had him spend the night in over four months, isn't able to feed him properly (for one reason or another) and isn't willing to compromise on what to feed him.

For the record, I'm the one who keeps insisting that my son have as much contact as possible with his father and his fathers family.

[Kalamity]

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Lexicon78 said:
Sounds like this guy doesn't seem to care about his son much. I mean if it were my son I'd make sure to get the things he liked just so he could eat.

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I've often felt like his father doesn't really care about him. If you care enough about someone you don't dismiss their needs simply because they don't fit with your ideas.

I can't be sure whether that's my wise mind speaking or my emotional mind so I try not to let those thoughts influence my decisions.

[jennie]

geewhiz . . . too bad your son is not old enough to purchase his own food choices while visiting his father.

i think you should purchase foods your son wants and allow him to bring it with him on trips to see his father. his father should respect this arrangement. tell your son to call you if he isn't allowed to eat his food he brought with him. hopefully, it doesn't resort to this. it would be nice if you could prepare a list of foods for the father to purchase and have ready for his son.

[Kalamity]

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jennie said:
i think you should purchase foods your son wants and allow him to bring it with him on trips to see his father. tell your son to call you if he isn't allowed to eat his food

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My son is only four and doesn't really know how to use the phone yet - otherwise that's a great idea.

[jennie]

there are prepaid cell phones . . . you could program your number into the phone and teach him to push the one or two buttons to reach mommy.

[jennie]

another option . . . is get the father to agree to a default food, an alternate meal the father is willing to prepare in case the son doesn't want to eat what everyone else is eating.

my mom would cook four-course meals and if i didn't eat what she cooked, she allowed me to eat a peanut butter n jelly sandwich (my default food). i was perfectly fine with that arrangement.