[Koko2]

Would anyone who is mentally ill care to share their thoughts on the appropriateness of being called "special"? I'm not even mentally ill as far as I know. I've been to "family counselors" and they never brought the possibility up for discussion. I had a brief discussion over the phone with a mental health professional about a possible mental deficiency that I've been labeled with by my sibling, and they said I didn't sound at all like I had it.

I have a "successful" sibling who prides themselves on being an overachiever and doing everything the right and proper way in life, and they've taken to identifying me as having a mental deficiency since I'm not "successful" in life by their definition. They recently pointed at me and used the term "special" to address me in a group of strangers after I committed a harmless faux pas, not as a kidding joke, but supposedly to save me from some hassle or embarassment. They treated the incident as a smoking gun for my alleged mental deficiency. Does anyone else have a problem with being called "special"?

[Maven]

I sure would. Life is harder for some than for others. Some people adapt better than others, some learn better than others, some look better than others, etc. "Special" used to mean something positive; now it's negative. Once people see you as mentally ill or somehow "not right," you become a black sheep, of sorts. They might love you, they might not mean to hurt you, but they treat you differently than they treat others. And you are more likely to be discriminated against, yet it can be really hard to prove.

[Oxidopamine]

I view "special" as meaning something that is not statistically frequent. I don't consider it to be good or bad. In reality, I doubt the definition I use is common because it seems to either compliment someone or belittle them, perhaps even simaltaneously. Alternatively, it is used to compliment someone on being themselves, although I don't quite understand whether this usage is meant to be positive or negative since it tends to be over-used so much.

[Umbral_Seraph]

Your sibs are arrogant, stuck-up a..holes. "Special" refers to learning disability, not mental illness, and their equating the two is just wrong. They've certainly never met anyone who was special; not the same at all. The whole thing sounds like they're only goal is to make themselves feel superior by putting you down for being different.

[shezbut]

I haven't ever heard that term used when people were referring to mentally ill. Rather, it is more commonly used to describe a person who is cognitively challenged. Mental retardation, severe autism, and those types of disabilities.

It has always bothered me ~ as a cousin of mine has moderate/severe retardation, and it personally hurts me as the word is often said in the opposite emotion, with a sigh and rolling the eyes. There's still a lot of discrimination and negative statements made about those cognitively disabled, people just aren't as bold as they used to be.

If people are lumping you into that same category, I'd be hurt and angry as well. While most people are unaware of my cognitive disabilities, I'm not bold enough to speak up when remarks are made & stand up fo myself (and others like me). Gentle hugs to you!

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Rather, it is more commonly used to describe a person who is cognitively challenged. Mental retardation, severe autism, and those types of disabilities.

I agree that is what it is commonly used for.. but I would rather be called special and put into the category of cognitively challenged, if the reverse means being lumped in with the disposition the person who said it might have in the first place.

I would rather be cognitively challenged, or mentally ill challenged, than to be heart challenged or compassion challenged Especially if one of these seems to be a bit of a choice, and the other two categories are not.

Special isn't a bad word, just people using it badly.

Koko, It's not a fun situation, you know.. I understand the feeling of not being successful by others definitions, however they don't always fit my definition of successful either even if they feel they are. That's okay, they don't have to fit mine and I don't have to fit theirs. Tho I don't go around making them feel bad about it, nor would I even mention it, it isn't really my business. I am sorry your siblings are not treating you with respect on this, or dignity. Try to find some comfort in knowing who you are and how you conduct yourself, that is what will make the biggest difference to yourself in the end.

[di meliora]

One who shows signs of mental aberration is, inevitably, perhaps, but cruelly, shut off from familiar, thoughtless intercourse, partly excommunicated; his isolation is unwittingly proclaimed to him on every countenance by curiosity, indifference, aversion, or pity, and in so far as he is human enough to need free and equal communication and feel the lack of it, he suffers pain and loss of a kind and degree which others can only faintly imagine, and for the most part ignore. ~Charles Horton Cooley

Sorry you have to deal with that, Koko2. The quote sums up my experience. Yes, I feel special.

[Miswimmy1]

There is this girl who is in my accomodations room when I'm taking big tests (it's anyone with anything from individual help bubbling answers to those who just need extra time), and she alwys refers to us as "special needs". It drives me insane. I personally don't like the negative conotation that comes with it, and I prefer to think of us as "different"

[onionknight]

Special is condescending. Period.

Some of us need dfferent accumodations to live fulfilling lives.

Anyone who takes glee in calling someone special is insecure and cruel.

[Maven]

I used to think I'd only wish my OCD and panic disorder on my worst enemies, but sometimes I wish many others would have it for a while and see what it's like and how it feels to be treated like a second-class citizen (or lower than that).

[Koko2]

The mental disorder they think I have is one I'm fairly sure I don't have, after taking online tests which put me safely within normal ranges for autism and talking with a mental health expert on the phone. For one, I rarely drone on about one topic without noticing other person's loss of interest. To the contrary, I usually let others do most of the talking. Aspergers isn't something that claims you along the way such as schizophrenia, but is there at birth. It's possible that I do have some mental illness or disorder such as depression or social anxiety, but nothing has been diagnosed.

I was the social butterfly of the bunch when we were kids, and this other sibling was a ridiculed outcast. I didn't spend more than a day alone during my childhood, and would engage in creative play and activity with my friends on a daily basis. I became somewhat of a loner as a teen due to circumstances, a move to the country and the isolation that comes with it.

My faux pas was a misunderstanding of game rules for a simple game I hadn't played in decades, mainly because I wasn't paying much attention because I was socializing with relatives and strangers at a restaurant. I'm eligible for mensa, and could handily beat any competition at the local chess club, so I'm no idiot when it comes to games.

After a lot of surgery and whatnot plus a professional career, this sib has become quite the confident, or smug, person. Maybe I should have called them "special" when we were kids. My family has labeled me as aspie, and sided with a cop after I was falsely arrested, saying I should get a designation on my driver's license to avoid any more trouble. I've had only this single incident with a cop, and reading online about this cop, he's been under legal scrutiny for abusing suspects.

Like shezbut, I've never heard the word "special" applied to mental illness before, but to those with cognitive disabilities. Why didn't the sibling first try covering for me with a standard excuse of "sorry, he didn't hear the rules because we just got here and were busy ordering food", or "uhm, koko's unemployed and can't really afford a round of drinks for everyone". I suspect that they were terribly embarassed by my faux pas, and pointed at me and used the word to distance themselves from me, the source of their embarassment.

[onionknight]

When I was a kid, I was wrongly labelled with the same thing. Except with me, it was simply quilt by association because my brother is autistic and because I was something of an outcast and not interested in traditional girlie things. The mistake haunted me for nearly a decade because I thought I was just that..."special."

Our society places so much value on a certain set of social skills (often that don't reflect a person's real personality) and outgoingness that telling a person they don't have these is really an insult, sadly. It is like shoved them into a special, you're not part of our world corner. This attitude pisses me off beyond belief,

You seem like an intelligent, well-articulated person. Psychology needs to stop telling us what is wrong and start helping us work with our strengths to reach our goals.

And your family sounds insensitive and like they're projecting their insecurities onto you, like a scapegoat. I am sorry.

i really don't like this term " special".

the way i've always seen it is, people should be treated the same no matter whatt.

so for example:

this person is special because he's got some sort of disorder, yet this person who's not mentally ill at all is not really that special.... i can't stand it.

just because we're ill, why should we get if you like... VIP treatment?

sure we need things like therapy and meds which someone needs to provide, but hell no- that does not make us special

can you picture someone going round saying- oh, this person takes meds and sees a therapist.. he's special- and we should treat them like a VIP- i'd be here for ages discussing it... it makes me angry

[SunnieDebris]

Damn. And I thought I had a screwed up family. Your family seems excessively negative, insecure, and cruel. My advice is to stay as far away from them as possible at all times. You can't fix them, that's for sure. And you will never be able to change their minds about you. After all, why should they? This system works for them just fine. Dump them and get out there and find your own family members in friendships. When you find normal people, they will reflect back to you what is true about you. Then you will see that you are normal, too.

[kaika]

I've found "special" to be extremely condescending no matter who it is directed towards. It's a word you use with children, and no matter what disability someone has they are still adults. Some require accommodations, some people with severe impairments need around the clock care, but that doesn't mean they're any less adult or human than the rest of the population.

[mailitx]

Originally Posted by onionknight

Special is condescending. Period.

Some of us need dfferent accumodations to live fulfilling lives.

Anyone who takes glee in calling someone special is insecure and cruel.

Agreed, and very observant.

[Koko2]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts regarding "special". The use of it somewhat confirmed my standing with the family, so I'd like to make friends and be less reliant on family although I'm sure they believe they have my best interests in their hearts.

[stmml]

That sounds demeaning and completely inappropriate. "Special" is usually used for mental or physical disabilities, but I don't think it's an appropriate term to be used for anyone, because of how it comes off as being demeaning.