[Valentinedemorcerf]

I've always felt that there was something deeply wrong with me. I have many times been frustrated because other people are able to accomplish as much or more than me with half or one third of the work and thought that I have to put in to it. In eighth grade I went to my GP complaining of worry and he gave me a very low level antidepressant, Imiprimine. That didn't really handle the anxiety, depression, and migraines well but we didn't think I was "bad" enough to go to a psychiatrist (though I tried to get my mother to send me to a therapist--this took a long time to accomplish because she did not want to believe that I was not perfectly mentally healthy). Sophomore year of high school we went to a crackpot neurologist who kept me on the low dose of imiprimine and put me on a super high dose of vivance for adhd which gave me migraines that made me feel like I was hit by a truck and anxiety through the roof. Needless to say, I went off the vivance after two weeks and was afraid of most psychiatric medicine afterward. I have struggled onward through high school, managing to make good grades and be sufficient in my music but with absolutely no social life, very little sleep, a lot of stress, and a lot of frustration from my loved ones. Now, in my senior year, I have gotten to the point where it is difficult for me to function and to practice enough to achieve my musical dreams of playing horn in college. I feel like everything is a mental wall to hurdle over. I have lost motivation to do the things I love and I want to sleep a lot, and homework takes me hours and hours. I have finally been going to a therapist regularly, and he pushed me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist that he recommended because he said I needed medicine. I had my first appointment today.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, low-grade depression, and high functioning ADHD (because of my relatively high IQ I have been able to make it thus far). The psychiatrist was really nice and I was prepared to be wary of diagnosis because ADHD is so over diagnosed, but he knew not only the outside symptoms (like the ones he saw and the ones my mother and boyfriend reported) but the inside symptoms that I felt (like feeling like I must focus on one obsession and not being able to think about anything else). He said that because of my need to treat my headaches (caused by some stress but also mostly arthritis that I have somehow managed to develop at the age of 18), my anxiety, my depression, and my ADHD without exacerbating anything that I was a difficult case. He carefully considered and put me on Cimbalta for the pain, anxiety, and depression, and Concerta at a *reasonable dosage for my height and weight*. He also had to choose carefully because I have severe IBS and therefore a very sensitive tummy.

Now that I have been diagnosed and have medication to take, I feel absolutely LIBERATED. Even if we need to change the dosage or something, I am so prepared to take on anything in order to live a normal life. I've been so hard on myself because of all this, and I've always felt so ashamed because I haven't been able to achieve what the other people in my advanced classes and gifted class have been able to. My T and the wonderful psychiatrist have been so awesome to explain that my problems are not my fault; they are genetic and completely treatable. So, I thought I would start a log just for fun to track how my mood is doing.

So, today: For the last week, maybe two, I've been really depressed and barely productive. I've not practiced my horn or got any of my homework done, despite meaning to. I did take a two hour nap and browse pinterest and learn a lot about the cuttlefish. :P

[Travelinglady]

I think a log could help your doc judge how things are going with you. Remember it usually takes a while for some meds to kick in, especially anti-depressants.

I know some docs/therapists encourage people to keep mood logs--and I seem to think there's even a way to do it here.

I am so glad you're finally getting on the right track. Music is good for mood and it would give you a great sense of accomplishment!

[Valentinedemorcerf]

Day 1 on all the meds:

Feelings:
I don't feel super-focused, but I feel better focused. I find that the newness and strangeness of the feeling that being on the medication itself gives me is a bit distracting. :P I am experiencing some anxiety, which is what is preventing me from getting some of my work done (I haven't had any distraction impulses I haven't been able to control...no pinterest or anything! :P), mostly anxiety about the medications themselves (I've never been on so many meds before!). I think this is nothing to worry about because it will take a few weeks for the Cymbalta to start working entirely, and so in the mean time not only is my anxiety left to it's devices but the Concerta might worsen it. So far no depression symptoms today; I am interested in other people and I'm not groggy or tired, and I feel good about myself. I'm starting to get used to the feeling of my mind walking, and not sprinting all the time. I actually thought about what I was going to wear today without ripping twelve items out of my closet first!

Side effects:
Last night I experienced some stomach pain but I'm pretty sure that's because I accidentally ate some cheese-dusted chips and I'm lactose intolerant. Today I've had some mild acid indigestion, but that may be due to another medication I started yesterday for acne which, on second thought, we decided I wont continue until a week or a couple weeks from now when I am used to my other meds. In the beginning I felt jittery but its slowly calming down. I find that I am very thirsty and not very hungry, but that if I drink more water my appetite is better (a win win situation!). Food is not so much repulsive as it is just easy to forget about. It tastes good once I put it in my mouth but I don't really get hungrier when I imagine food, as I used to. I do have a bit of a dry mouth problem, but it isn't too much of an issue (it may be when I practice my horn, I don't know!). It may go away in time, as with most of these side effects. Oh, and I also couldn't sleep last night until like 230 am, but that was mostly due to the gas and bloating effect from those stupid crackers.

[avlady]

It sounds like you are getting there hope all goes well from now on!!!!!!

[ajmich]

Hi. Does sound like you'll be fine, you have a great attitude about all this. As one of many here who have used a lot of different meds over a long period of time, I just want to remind you not to put much stock in how a med feels at the beginning of your regimen. You already know that the initial changes are just side effects and that the useful effect, if it is going to happen for you, will be a bit down the road. Just hang in there and be aware of anything that might become too uncomfortable for you. Head meds are a crap shoot since everyone responds differently. Peace!

[Valentinedemorcerf]

errr, didn't log yesterday because I didn't sleep at all the night before! So I guess today I will do day 2 and 3.

Day 2:
Didn't sleep until 5 o'clock in the morning, so I skipped my first couple classes and slept in (because I know that being on ADHD meds and not sleeping at all are not a great combination). I felt weirdly tired and yet totally awake all day until the meds wore off, when I crashed. I felt the stomach effects more today and I as hardly hungry at all, but then again I usually do have a slightly upset stomach and am not hungry when I haven't slept enough. I got a headache at the end of the day around my sinuses. It was probably due to allergies because I've been having them pretty bad and having ear problems the last couple days, but who knows.

Day 3:
So far today I've been doing pretty good. I took a sleeping pill last night to make sure I slept, and it started to help but then the Cymbalta kicked in and I was absolutely entirely awake. I was eventually able to sleep around 1 o'clock, which was at least better than last time. I think I'm going to have to take the Cymbalta in the morning. I'd rather have the come-down from the Cymbalta in the morning anyway; I don't want to stay up at night with anxious thoughts. I did have some mild stomach upset this morning but it went away. I'll update if it gets worse.

[Valentinedemorcerf]

Originally Posted by ajmich

Hi. Does sound like you'll be fine, you have a great attitude about all this. As one of many here who have used a lot of different meds over a long period of time, I just want to remind you not to put much stock in how a med feels at the beginning of your regimen. You already know that the initial changes are just side effects and that the useful effect, if it is going to happen for you, will be a bit down the road. Just hang in there and be aware of anything that might become too uncomfortable for you. Head meds are a crap shoot since everyone responds differently. Peace!

Yeah. Especially since the Cymbalta will have very little effect for a week or two (The other antidepressants I've tried took a month before I saw a difference). Hopefully the Concerta will maybe last longer if I sleep more? I can definitely feel a good effect during the day so far from the Concerta (don't know about the Cymbalta--I'm really bad at catching anxiety and perfectionist thoughts. I probably won't be able to tell for a while as stated above).

Day 3 update: I took the Concerta two hours earlier today at my normal breakfast time (7:00) and I think it started to wear off about 5 and is now definitively gone. -_- And I had just finished practicing my horn and was about to start my homework. And now I'm trying to do it but I keep getting distracted and UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. It really sucks because I don't need it in school so much as I need it in the evening. I have 5 music classes and three regular classes. All the regular classes are discussion classes so the biggest effect on those is that I don't blurt things out or interrupt people (and I get more homework done in class if we are given time). And I am more focused on the music when I play and I don't get frustrated as easily, but in music classes there isn't much option but to play--it's practicing at home that's really hard, like the homework. GRRRRR

[Valentinedemorcerf]

Day 4: I had some weird heart racing, dizziness, and chest/back/arm pain, and went to the ER. Turned out to be indigestion and a sinus infection. -_- The doctor said my tummy would get used to the medicine as time went on.

Day 5: Somehow between the last two days I've taken ten tums as well as the GI Cocktail at the ER, and though I no longer have acid indigestion my tummy is very upset. :P Whoops. Other than that I'm doing pretty good. Sinus infection still pretty much sucks, especially since I can't take allergy meds.

[Valentinedemorcerf]

Day 6: I have got horrible reflux. I think it's because I took way too many antacids. *sigh* Or it may be because of the Cymbalta. UGGGGHHH, MISERY. I really hope this passes.