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#1
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I hate when people say that to me.. I am a living in the moment type person but seem if I'm an optimist because I've realized, how can I when the moment sucks? People that say that are in perfect situations and in good condition.
Everything was perfect when I was a kid. No care in the world, lots of friends, happy, caught up in the moment. Now everything is the opposite. EVERYTHING. Dad replaced with evil step dad, live in the middle of no where, teachers aren't strict enough to get me to do stuff, ****** grades.. No future. Even though I have a job, it sucks because I'm too depressed to attend. If I wasn't so depressed and have such suicidal thoughts at work and school more so than now, I would be on my way to living a happy life in my well demanded trade that I'm lucky to have and I'll be earning up to 76 dollars and our with possible tripple over time with all expenses paid. At this time I would rather sit alone, search ways online on how to kill myself, drink my step dads liqueur watch the days pass by like the past two years have already had while keeping the smile on my face (although I'm kind of getting tired of it now and people are starting to notice) My mom notices. She keeps asking me to tell her what's wrong but I can't. She thinks that she can fix everything. I honesty tried so hard to stop screwing up and being depressed. I can't do it. I surely need medication but I know that she won't approve because she would be embarrassed of me. She gets mad every time I skip work because "I don't like work" so how made would you think that she would get if it made makes me want to kill myself even more when she doesn't know that I'm suicidal? She complains about teenagers getting drugs "for no reason" and that "parents are stupid for drugging up their kids". It's a complete dead end. My step dad found out about me taking his liquor before (seven shots while they were gone). I'm being monitored so I can only take a shot every few days without him noticing as I collect it and take it all at once. Should I tell my mom that I'm depressed? At this point I would just rather take a minimum wage job away from people and isolate myself for eternity, drinking heavly and taking drugs and eventually ending up killing myself. Making meth is easy.. Last edited by notz; Feb 19, 2013 at 02:04 AM. Reason: added trigger icon |
#2
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![]() As I have written to a number of newcomers, if you have any questions as members at PC(including myself) until you find your answer. Please update how you are doing by responding to this thread you have started. ![]()
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I get fed, don't worry. ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#3
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I know sometimes the idea of living in the moment sounds crazy because that moment is unbearable. I want to be of help to you I hope I can. My son who is 20 just told me yesterday that he has been depressed his whole life. He is working hard right now to get credits to go to university. I think he is overwhelming himself. Do you need to take a small break for a few days? Is that possible? Have you had a complete physical check up with your doctor?
There is a book at the library called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Hope I spelled that right. Please take care and do tell your mom that you are feeling this way. Do not isolate yourself! |
#4
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depression is a tricky little monster, it makes you think strange thoughts, and have bad feelings. if you had ever taken a pill and got instant relief, you would know that you are having a brain chemistry disorder, and not just a bad life~
sounds like you are old enough to seek medical attention, if you are old enough to work ?? try to imagine having a life again, that you want,,, and go get help. ![]()
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AWAKEN~! |
#5
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I think you should let your mother know how you feel. suicide is not the way to go. you could get meds, a therapist, someone who you could tell anything to. meds do help i know because i'm a depression success story, using meds to help me. i hope you do talk to your mom.
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#6
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you could also try talking to your school counselor...
__________________
Invictus it matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. William Ernest Henley |
#7
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I told my mom.. Kinda "broke down" after i said i hate seeing other people happy when im not, However, I did not tell her that I am suicidal. That would be too much. She's going to take me to a therapist and I will only tell him/her that I am suicidal..
I'm really hoping that it's a brain chemistry imbalance as that would be curable, otherwise, I wouldn't know what to with myself.. My day was awful. Worked sucked. I have no energy for this but I'll wait to see what the doctor says before I quit work or possibly school and lead such a life.. Right now I just feel like a huge piece of ****.. |
#8
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I'm sorry for how you are feeling wiredwrongly. I'm glad you told your mom. You are thoughtful of what you think she can handle...but as a mother myself, I would want to know and get you help immediately. I hope you get help asap.
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