[MichaelSacha]

I've been in therapy for about a year now and the thing is that I didn't think there was anything wrong with me when I first started. I was forced to attend therapy because of the disruptions my psychotic break was causing.... But you see, I was never psychotic.... I faked it, and Bipolar, and Major Depressive Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, OCD, BPD, NPD, Anti-Social Personality Disorder and numerous others. I would like to apologise if anyone is offended by this behavior, it is not and never was my intention to cause harm. I had two psychiatrists and a psychologist and I've been in a psychiatric ward twice under false pretenses (feigned suicide attempt). I chose to continue therapy when I realised how strange my behavior was and decided that something was wrong with me. I'd also broken up with my girlfriend who I suppose would be labeled as my first love, I am only seventeen, and that left me extremely empty. I'm just nothing anymore, I'm not happy or sad, angry or anything. I'm never suicidal and my self-esteem is indifferent, though sometimes unnaturally high. It's been seven months since I've confessed and tried to be completely honest about all of this, and they've all come back saying that they don't know what's wrong nor what to do. It kind of annoys me because I find myself constantly falling into old habits and pretending again, but it's becoming so real for me that it's like I'm trying on different masks, and they're all real. So I'm just wondering if anyone has any ideas as to what all of this could possibly be a symptom of.
Sorry for being so long, I find it hard to shorten it in anyway without missing out important things. Again, sorry for any offence and I hope this wasn't too much to read.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I'm not a professional, but you may want to look up "factitious disorders".

Regardless of the labels though, it sounds like you have something going on though that you might want to consider getting help with. People that are healthy don't feel the need to lie about/fake things like this.

I think you're quite brave for owning up to this, by the way. Take care of yourself and good luck.

[MichaelSacha]

Factitious Disorders huh, there might be something in that. Thanks for your help, it means a lot really.

[MichaelSacha]

I am not malingering and trying to get free parks and no I'm trying to get free store items. I'm trying to make friends, but I can only do what I have been taught to do.
I don't lie to hurt people, I'm not so apathetic that I'm some abusive narcissist. I just don't want to be me, and so I lie and be someone else. But it never works because I see it hurts people and that's the last thing I want, so I stop. I can't be me but I can't be a lie, so I hide where no one can see me.
Yes I feel entitled, like I deserve a trophy, like I'm special. And I hate myself so much for it that the sight of my reflection sickens me. I hate what I am, so I came here because maybe there'd be enough love to get me through it all.

[tigerlily84]

I think you should try to figure out what appeal pretending holds for you.

If the psychologist you are currently seeing does not know how to help you then you should see another psychologist.

Why did you decide to see the psychologists in the first place?

Due to my most wonderful disorder, my sense of self is nearly non-existent. Much like you described, I can easily try on a mask and it will seem real. Personally, I rather enjoy this "symptom" of my disorder, as it's been quite useful in the past. But I understand how it can be unnerving at times.

The sense of self usually develops in the late teens or early twenties, so it's likely yours still will develop eventually. I don't know a lot about developmental psychology, but, from what I've read on the subject, people who were encouraged to experiment with these roles (or masks) early in life tend to develop a stronger sense of self. So it's probably a good thing that you do try on these masks. I would advise, however, that you avoid trying on the "mentally ill" masks and focus more on roles that will lead to you being socially and financially successful. Just a suggestion...

If your sense of self doesn't develop, enjoy the fact that you don't have to be tied down to one self-identity. And become an actor.

[MichaelSacha]

Apparently I have some kind of "intrapersonal trauma" and lying allows me to escape reality, tigerlily. It's my way of creating a fantasy where my control is absolute. At least that is general consensus.
Also I know that people do suffer from many of my feigned illnesses, but offence was never my intention. I never made this a joke and I never found it funny, I just find it hard to be honest for the precise reason I've seen on this thread. People show only anger when you show them the real you. So I'll be sure to keep my mouth shut in the future.
I was forced to see a psych team because I was pretending to be psychotic for attention, Michael D. It eventually backfired and my girlfriend left as the lies, paranoia and control was too much for her. Than I confessed my lies and haven't another emotion since, so now I'm in therapy to work out what's wrong.
I get a lot of problems with my sense of self too, though I don't like it as you might.
Thanks Henry, I am trying to get help.

[tinyrabbit]

I told my T that I'm afraid he will think I've made things up. Because I have lied a couple of times in the past (I used to fake migraines as a kid for example).

My T said that, if I lied, he would be respectful of that and interested in how I constructed my world. That if a butterfly landed on my leg and I screamed in pain, he would be interested to know why.

Which made me realise something. I don't know about you, but I had this idea that I was somehow unworthy of help unless I fit a certain mould. That this sort of person deserves treatment and help, but that other person doesn't.

Therapy is for people, not problems.

Whoever you are, whatever is or is not true, that person is as deserving of care and therapy and help as anyone else. So don't think: I faked these conditions, I don't deserve help. Perhaps it would be better to think: I want to talk to someone about me, whatever that may mean.

Or maybe it's fulfilling some need. I faked migraines because it meant people gave me care and attention at school that I wasn't getting at home. Recently I've come to think that maybe it wasn't so fake. As I was hurting. That maybe it was like pointing to your broken heart and being given angina pills.

I don't think anyone can judge, through a computer screen, if someone is spoiled or wrong. If the original post is upsetting anyone, it's because it may have touched on sensitive issues that affect them. That's understandable. But I think the original post has to be allowable, because it's a person with a problem they want to solve like anyone else.

Lastly, a general word of caution to anyone who thinks that, if someone says they are lying, they are actually lying. It's not always that simple. Maybe they're in denial, or their memory is playing tricks.

*******trigger warning******* (new member sorry if I did this wrong)



I told my T that I lied in my medical records and said I had been raped. That I made it up for attention, to try to get someone to help me. If I came onto this board and said I lied about that I bet some people would be very angry.

I went on to tell my T that my ex was abusive. That he refused to use condoms, which was not actually okay with me. That I used to fantasise about him dying so I would be free. That I didn't want to sleep with him for the last 3 years of our relationship.

It gradually dawned on me that maybe I wasn't lying.

I don't know the real story behind the original post. Nor do any of us. I'm not trying to jump on anyone who is understandably upset by it. But it's important to recognise that it was allowable and brave to ask for help.

[harrietshuman]

you might get away with a lie for a little while, but you wont keep getting away with it in constant therapy that you would need if you had these disorders. also, I think you have a big problem if your gonna lie and say you have all these issues.

do you take the meds they give you ? because if you dont need the meds and you take them, what are the possblities of doing damage to your okay brain or making mental problems for yourself.

mental illness is a tough road to travel. something that cant really be faked if you live it. if you were in actul therapy for awhile I dont think it would last.

good luck...

kelly