Lately I have been feeling really low about myself, and all I can think to do is either a.) eat comfort food, b.) comfort shop, or c.) SI. The last time I did option C was when I was hospitalized for it in 2012, therefore now, instead of hurting myself, I am eating everything in sight and accumulating increasing amounts of debt.

Yeah, one of my favourite comfort foods are large tubs of yogurt, which I can eat easily in a single sitting (about a litre)! In other words, I can easily eat 1.5 to 2 litres a day of yogurt (about 0.3 to 0.5 gallons for my American friends), and that's not including everything else I can take down.

It's kind of a daily routine for me to be crying while eating a tub of yogurt.

Afterwards I can feel so fat and disgusting that I want to force myself to through it up, and I have a bad enough body image as it is.

Now with my increasing usage of online shopping sites like eBay, Amazon, etc., I am accumulating more and more debt from buying things that I can't afford because it feels good in the moment (and it's incredibly easy). In a few clicks a fancy new electronic I can't afford will be en route to my post office. I'd really like an iPad…

Later I will be stressed from having spent that money and will avoid as much as possible looking at my bank account information. But when I feel like I do right now, I don't care about debt or finances, because I feel like I am such a useless waste of space that debt should be the least of my worries.

Of course I would absolutely love it if someone was here with me to help me with how I feel – a hug or some love would be nice – but since that isn't going to happen anytime soon, if it ever will, I am having to find new ways of coping with my self-hatred, major depression, and whatever other issues I have without SI.

And it's not working for me.

Yes I have a T and have been seeing them for most of my life, but no amount of talking about my feelings will change what I really am – a useless, fat, disgusting, unlovable, stupid failure.

[-jimi-]

To make you less lonely with the eating thing... I have a thing for dairy, mostly milk though, and if allowed I can drink incredibly amounts in just one day. Dairy is soothing and habit forming for me. I don't really make a big thing out of it, maybe you shouldn't either. It doesn't make you weird or disordered craving it, because I know it doesn't make me weird. Of course it doesn't really solve problems but what does?

It seems like something within you makes you disrespect yourself and shop despite the bad outcome. It is a little like SI. Or self punishment mixed with comfort. Mixed things are hard to wrap ones head around.

I hope you can find better ways than destructive ones. I wish I had good suggestions. You seem so much like a good person and it blows that you think somehow you need bad treatment.

[Leed]

Mr. V- do you keep a journal? Writing about your feelings, and other things can really help. It can help you get rid of anger, and alot of other emotions and keep you busy too. Plus you're not getting fat from doing it. LOL

Also, when you're done you can show it to your therapist, and it can help him/her to better understand where you're coming from during these phases.

Just an idea -- or maybe you're already doing it. ???

Wish I could help you more. But I've told you before that you're NOT disgustiig, useless, etc., -- as far as I'm concerned you are very nice, caring, supportive person who I wish I lived closer to. I'd like to get to know you better. I'm sure we'd be good friends.

Take care and God bless, Mr. V. Hugs, Lee

[IowaFarmGal]

Hugs (((Mr V)))! At least you're eating yogurt and not ice cream and candy like I do. It is somewhat healthy. Or maybe you are I don't know. I'm not a shopper but I have a lot of debt from just living emergencies. I hope you can get a handle on that one. I wish you could get rid of those thoughts. I know they were planted deep by what you went through but they're lies. Some people work it out in physical activity, or meditation or art.

[H3rmit]

Hi Mr. Venomous --

Gotta say I really like your username. I relate to it. Call me Mrs. Vitriol or something.

Anyway, have you thought about doing someting to distract from eating? A hobby? Try some weightlifting, since it increases mood and decreases appetite? I hear you about the comfort eating. I've done it all my life.