I've always worried about whether or not it was possible to create great art while being happy at the same time. And if it isn't possible, then I'm not sure I want to be happy.

For one thing—a lot of my inner torment is because of my inability to be in a relationship, so if I were to be in a relationship, I'd lose that. And then I couldn't write good music (or anything) if I lose all the feelings that inspire me now.

This blog post says it better than I can—
Christopher Zara: The Myth of the Tortured Artist -- and Why It's Not a Myth

So, how do I choose between art and happiness? And shouldn't I be slowly weaning myself off of medication as it is probably interfering with my ability to compose. I just don't know how I'll act around other people if I'm completely unmedicated. But still, I resent the fact that the drugs have probably prevented me from writing more and better stuff.

[blur]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

And then I couldn't write good music (or anything) if I lose all the feelings that inspire me now.

So, how do I choose between art and happiness? And shouldn't I be slowly weaning myself off of medication as it is probably interfering with my ability to compose. I just don't know how I'll act around other people if I'm completely unmedicated. But still, I resent the fact that the drugs have probably prevented me from writing more and better stuff.

i'm not sure i buy that one can't be happy and a good artist. for me when i create art it is a release of my feelings. i don't think those feelings need to be negative in order to be channeled into my art. my art may be a bit different when i'm happier but it isn't in any way worse. it is just a release of whatever i'm feeling happy or sad. if you are feeling happy then you can create more uplifting work. how can that be a bad thing?

i don't see one's talent and one's negativity being connected. you can either produce art that is talented and negative or talented and positive but one's artistic talent is not contingent upon one's mood. it's more about the motivation to express one's emotion artistically. you may feel more driven to express emotions when down than when up but you can allow yourself to express your positive emotions in your art as well. it just requires a bit of practice.

i don't think you should go off your meds. if they are blunting your emotions that is different and you can ask your pdoc to adjust them. i was on an anti-depressant and i felt better but completely zoned out and didn't have the energy to do anything. i was like a happy lump of clay, lol. my doc split up my dose to twice a day and the emotional blunting completely disappeared. if you are having negative side effects from the drugs talk to your pdoc.

[doyoutrustme]

you could still be a good artist, but your art will likely change.

[krisakira]

I created this painting when I was happy.



And this when I was miserable.



Both good, but different.

^ Awesome paintings by the way, krisakira.

Anyway, I know writing music for me is usually a release of emotions. Or by the very least, the only way I'm allowed to express them.

I'm afraid of what will happen if I'm "happy" for a long period of time. I don't know what it's like, but I know I won't be able to write a Dies Irae from a Requiem Mass for example. It's hard enough when you're angry and/or miserable to write good, angry music. I could write the Sanctus I suppose...but still.

I know composers have style periods, but I don't want my second style period to be all happy and fluffy...I'm hard pressed to think of happy art music that I like. With no offense towards anyone, as everyone has different tastes, but I find happy music boring. What is there to write about?

Don't worry, I'll stay on my meds...they keep me stable without negating all negative emotion. Actually, nothing helps my depression go away completely, just get better. And it's not very likely that I'll magically find someone who would date me and even more magically, STAY with me. And maybe I won't be happy and it will work out, but it worries me.