Introversion

I have relatively little in common with others.

I have my theories and I have my reasons, but I am not a misanthrope, I actually find the human experience fascinating. I am just an introvert who cannot seem to connect with others…

I am far less socially anxious than I used to be, yet I still feel no particular draw to socialize with the people I meet. I do interact with people online, but only in special interests forums and I like to have pretend conversations with people, even dead people (like poets and artists and thinkers). I am not asocial.

The allure of people to me is negatively correlated to intimacy. I like you better the more distance there is between us, but again my social anxiety is not as strong and I no longer feel anxious when a student in my class speaks to me—I just don’t care and answer only to be polite.

In a way I am back to my original state, I was a confident child who was indifferent and polite to my peers.

I do wonder; however, if it is not unhealthy? Shouldn’t I want to talk to my peers, to have conversations and go places and be friends? That is normal, but I find people suffocate me. Even the nicest of people, even my Mom who I love dearly (I am capable of love) can overwhelm me with their energy, with their aura and I feel oppressed, physically I feel pressed and smothered and crowded. I can only truly breathe when I am alone.

And also, for me, I have a fascinating inner life and inner world—a great deal of the time I experience the outer world, particular of people as a distraction. “Leave me alone, so I can hear myself think!” I want to scream.

I don’t feel centered when I( am with people, spiritual I feel lost to something integral inside of myself, some inner wholeness that is flourishes when I am alone.
Yet, paradoxically, I like people. I find the human mind interesting—I would love to research people’s lives and experiences, I would love to write books about that. I just don’t connect.

I don’t lack empathy either, if anything I am far too empathetic. I believe I just have too thin a barrier to filter out others energies, but I wonder, especially for someone so inclined towards fantasy, spiritual contemplation, eccentricity, and existential ponderings—if it is not risky for me in some way. Isolation breeds illusion? I know at my most isolated (where I did not leave the hosue for months upon months and barely spoke to my parents, even)--I was kind of strange and became obssessed with hell and the end of the world (which is actually what caused my anxiety disorder, I think), to the point where all I did was think and I couldn't sleep and I was cosnsumed. I don't want to go back there, but I am feeling the call iwnards (and to drop out of school or only take online classes).

I want to be alone, but I am not sure that it would be healthy.

My question is, would it be unhealthy to go inwards again?

Only you and your treatment providers can say whether it would be unhealthy for you to go inwards again.

in general I know many in which doing so would not be good and I know others in which is is very beneficial for them to do so.

again only you and your treatment providers can say whether it would be unhealthy for you. my suggestion contact your treatment providers. they can talk in detail about what you should and should not do according to your life, problems and mental issues.

One can only go so far inwards. There cannot be "new" material, just the old reworking itself endlessly until it does not resemble reality very much?

I am/was sort of like you, identify with a lot of what you say but have been trapped in my mind before, spent thousands of dollars and hours in therapy to get out.

I think a lot of it has to do with our experiences; if we live mostly in fantasy/our own minds/books, then we don't have any experience with interacting with others. I was relatively sheltered being raised; well educated, etc. but sheltered. The idea of if you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail comes to mind; if you only have your mind and books you like (do you read books you don't like/agree with?) or grow up only living and working in suburbia, what do you actually know of the larger outside experience? Not much and what is there is kind of boring? Observing is easy, real living and learning to connect with others is much more challenging.

I agree with amandalouise that only your treatment providers know you well enough to answer your question.

I personally think it's healthy for everyone to be able to bond with some others in life. Freud said the sign of a healthy person is the ability to be able "to love and to work." That said, Maslow thought "self-actualized" people tended to have few friends they were really close to.

Extreme introverts get more "energized" by being by themselves. However, I believe there is a danger in becoming too self-absorbed.

There is a balance of course, and I don't think a natural introvert should be forced to live like an extravert. Around here, when I got sick with depression, the only advice and treatment you got was to be with others. Being with others heals you because everyone is programmed to indulge in socialization. Needless to say, I did NOT get any better...

If I was robbed of my solitude I would go crazy. But I have learned to live with people on my own terms, something you cannot do if you go to school or work. I don't find it unpleasant to be with others, but if I don't get a lot of own time, my health, mental and physical starts to deteriorate fast.

I have heard people tell me I AM energized from meeting a lot of people. Like of course I am, who wouldn't be? I want to slap them every time.

Maybe asking people about their inner lives would be a good way for you to connect? If you are interested in people, then you will be able to connect with them by asking about them.

What is your inner life and world about?

Introversion is just a personality type, as is extroversion. I'm an introvert too, and wouldn't want it any other way.

To me the extrovert seems almost dependent on others for his/her happiness.

I couldn't go that route; I have to find my own happiness within and then relate to others when I feel like it. Otherwise, I'm happy with introversion and there is always something new inside to follow.

You must be creative; I think many artists are, and I think many are introverts, too.