Please just use the IGNORE button/ don't go, don't fight

ha ha -- yeah, but now everyone will know when I'm pee-d off if they see me reply to someone that way !!! There goes my attempt at diplomacy!!!

"When someone PMs you to "look at a thread" even though it may not be a subject that you would initially be interested in, and asks for your reaction to a response they received,"

----
Yea Ive gotten a few of them and the way I handle such situations is telling that person to take it up with the person who posted to them or a moderator or administrator whos job is is to read the posts to make sure they are with in the guidelines. I don't belong in their problems and and then let them know that any future attempts to pull me in where I don't belong will be met with forwarding the pm to the moderators and administrators and the person they want me to critique so that they can work it out together amongst themselves instead of involving me.

So now people rarely involve me in their problems relating to other members regardless of if its by pm or on the boards.

One of the points is: MODS might PM the offender, but when they don't edit the offending post, NO ONE KNOWS anything but the offense.

Well, I have many, many members here PM me all the time asking me to not only look at what someone posted, but to evaluate what they responded also. People here are so antsy that someone might take something they said wrong, they are asking for advice and another perspective. I don't alter my own perspective based upon WHO is asking for my advice, btw.

I was replying to the idea that others are PMing each other and conspiring what to post... that could bring about feelings of paranoia, imo. No biggy.

YEah LMo... remind me to tell you about "Fantastic!"

Sky-I really liked your above green posting on what flaming is. I don't think I have been here long enough to totally understand the dynamics here on this forum. I guess I assume it's the same as the one other forum I visit. I guess when I post I am trying to further the discussion or understanding or give support and validation. I hope no one would ever think I was trying to offend them. I enjoy the supportive atmosphere here. I hope I am making a positive contribution. I guess I will just keep reading and posting and eventually I'll have clearer idea. Many thanks for everyone's postings.

Flaming isn't anything that offends, or going off topic. Flaming is an attack. And it's not just the response to an attack, it's the very first attack. If someone stated an opinion, and I said, "You're such a moron!" that would be flaming. If I said, "I don't think you have the right idea about that," that's not flaming. If I said, "By the way, that reminds me of a movie I saw..." it's not flaming, even if it leads to more posts that are off topic. One might consider it rude (even if the person didn't intend to be rude) for someone to go off topic, but it's not flaming.

While PC has its own rules about staying on topic, in general, most boards accept that topics evolve, and don't require posts to be on the original topic. That said, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with PC having this rule; I see logic to both views. But going off topic isn't flaming. If the person doing so intends to stir trouble and get people upset, it's perhaps more than rude, depending how heated things get, but unless there are insults and personal attacks hurled, there's no flaming going on. In other words, flaming isn't the only negative thing that can happen on boards and email lists, and it's not a catch-all term for everything negative that happens in these groups.

A post may be "non-supportive," but it's only flaming if there's a personal attack in it. Non-supportiveness doesn't really have anything to do with it. Again, members may consider the post unsupportive, but that doesn't mean the post is negative. (Like my aforementioned example of being reminded of a movie, just mentioning a movie or saying something funny may have nothing to do with the original topic, but it's not an attack, either.) Even if it is negative, it doesn't mean it's a flame.

I'm editing this to add something I forgot: Danialla is right, in that not everyone will agree on what constitutes an attack. So, not everyone will necessarily agree on when a person is flaming.

I hope this helps.

Yes, that's what makes trolls and snerts so hard to catch, as they are very cunning in finding just what will flame a particular member, but look very innocent to most everyone else. Good post Maven. IMO that's why we have Mods, .