[inkblot]

I'm not much for the term "mental illness". Whatever the diagnosis, we are still people, same as before any diagnosis, just diagnosed with something. Many psych problems are considered medical/biological as well. My question is...How has your life been affected by having (mental differences, psychological/psychiatric variations, etc)?

For me, I am the same person I was before, but now I believe and admit that I have PTSD. I expect the world who knew me before to treat me the same as before. Unfortunetly, that isn't the case. It makes me very angry and upset still that things are not the same. Before, I would put up with things silently. Now, when others treat me differently or I feel that "injustice" has been done, I'm not ashamed to let others know that I'm upset about it--and I don't care who they are.

Today I got a call from someone. I let the call go to voice mail, actually. But I feel--no, I am POSITIVE--that this person would not have called had it not been for influence of someone else. I don't know who yet, but one of two people if not both. Now, maybe I am jumping the gun here and letting my personal feelings and emotions and PTSD-related stuff get in the way of ever believing that this person could possibly ever call on their own, without any outside influence and suggestion from another particular person(s). There are a few certain subjects that I am like this with, but everything pretty much narrows down to the same common denominator. I can deal with PTSD, but I would give anything to have some parts of my life back.

[Rapunzel]

Right - we're people. Having a diagnosis doesn't make you a different person, but it can make some differences in your life. Actually, having the symptoms that lead to the diagnosis would probably be more accurate. Hmm. Well, I actually trace my depression back to the age of 9 if not earlier than that. So, in my case it isn't something that appeared suddenly at some point and changed my life. Still, my life would probably be different if not for the depression. My T says that if I had been raised to have self-esteem and confidence rather than always told that I couldn't do things and would fail, I would have had a graduate degree and a professional career a long time ago. I also might not have gotten into so many hobbies, I think, as all the hobbies were something I needed in order to develop some confidence.

Getting a diagnosis does have an impact too. The first time I went to counseling at 19 years old and that counselor told me that I was just homesick and that getting married would solve all of my problems, I knew that something was missing but didn't have the confidence to trust my own instincts. The next one diagnosed personality disorders, and I still felt like he was missing the boat. Finally finding one who diagnosed depression was validating. The social anxiety diagnosis led me to look up more information on that and make changes in my life to work on it. The most recent thing that was mentioned was the possibility that I might be bipolar. That idea makes me want to know what it's like to be manic, although I'm not sure if I have been or not. So a diagnosis can also lead you to act in a way such as to be appropriate to that diagnosis.

<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>

[Tess]

Hi, although new to this site maybe I can offer some thoughts that might lighten your being upset/angry. Doctors have to label and it gives them the guidelines they have for the label to help you (you know most of them have not experienced these feelings) and it keeps the insurance company paying as they must have a label. I have had more labels put on my problem that I have gotten confused - so now I label myself by the moment rather than being stuck in I have ________.

More importantly, you said it yourself, you never use to speak up -- & just keep quiet. Exactly what I use to do. So, people now see you react and not being used to it they will take the path of least resistance and say you have something wrong with you.. Give yourself time to practice reacting and speaking up you may be coming off too strong at first because you had held back so long and now you want to be heard. You must also give time to the people around you - I must say this too is hard because you may not see some hang around but you don't need these types of people. I'm being very honest and its with experience that I know this change of being able to say what you want now since it is so new to you you need to practice - You have the perfect opportunity: try not focusing that the person who called you was put up to it or even why -- if you are ready to talk -- don't worry why or what made them call - they called! Try it out - you can always say you have to go if you find yourself more angry when talking to them ----- I also put post it notes in front of me when doing things like this - with big words like "Watch your tone" "Be nice!" This works because it slows down the emotionally quick reaction that is usually not a pleasant one. Don't get me wrong, you are also allowed to get angry and voice your opinion but remember if you had kept quiet previously - you should know you will come off toooooo agressive at first. Also this may sound strange but I also put a mirror in front of me - it shows me how I look when like I am expressing my feelings - and your words are projecting this to the other person - down the road it will make you laugh as well as give you the opportunity to practice how you really want to respond instead of it all being a reaction.
Hope this helps

[SeptemberMorn]

Wow... you've really given me something to think about. In the last couple of years it's become obvious to me that I've always been depressed... but I'm not sure if it's all been because it is inherited or because of traumatic experiences in my life along with the way I was raised. I've always had Social Phobias because I've always felt that "I was less than." Somehow I managed to muddle through with one friend at a time but never dated boys from school. I lived in an Army town and dated GI's. After I divorced my first husband, I joined a divorced group... and if I remember right, I was accepted and wasn't afraid to be social within this group.

The pivotal point in my life came when my mother passed. Hardly three weeks had passed and my anxiety hit me full force with panic attacks that put me to bed. I'm not sure if this is where my PTSD came from because there was also a trauma in my life when I was three and then seven. But then... both my mother and grandmother, looking back, suffered from depression and anxiety. So... what's what? Was I destined to have these illnesses or was it the events in my life?

The anxiety certainly did change my life. I ceased to exist in many ways while I struggled to find my way out of the hole. I was in therapy for ten years where I learned to live my life differently. Depression and anxiety still haunt me and make life more difficult. I'm certainly not the same person I was before the anxiety hit. In some ways I'm very glad but in some ways, the stygma attached to mental illness influences my daily life, especially with members of my own family. Partially due to the age difference and partially due to what I perceive as their disapproval, I don't keep in touch with any of my extended family. For the most part, I'm fine with it but there are times when it gets pretty darn lonely. The only one of my four kids that I get along with really well is my baby, my youngest son... probably because he grew up in the therapist's office with me. lol However, I'm not sure that he understands the depression and anxiety all that well. I don't think he knows the signs that would signal to him that Mom is on a downward spiral... like now. Maybe it's his age (25) or maybe it's that he's got his hands full with his own family and doesn't have the time nor the inclination.

All in all, I wouldn't be the person I am today if it hadn't been for the road I was put on to travel. It's really hard to say that I'm glad of it, especially right now (that downward spiral) but again, I sure wouldn't be the person I am today. My road has made me a better person. If I hadn't been diagnosed, I might still be going around in circles wondering "why me?"

[FearsomeAnna]

I'd have to say my life actually changed for the better once I was diagnosed as bipolar - my family used to be very big on swallowing emotions, "stiff upper lip", and very intolerant of mistakes. We're a big bunch of perfectionists with Type A personalities, actually .

Since I was diagonosed, both my family and I have gotten better at being more honest with our feelings from the start, at tolerating human error, and not being so uptight about things. We're still perfectionists about our work and our careers, but I think that's a little more to be expected than shortchanging ourselves emotionally.

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

[ltlredvett]

Great question. My life is signifcantly different since suffering from severe depression. I still feel like the same person inside and often get frustrated because I know I rarely behave like the person I really am. Those that know me and know my condition have, for the most part, stopped staying in touch with me. I just think that they don't what what to do with me, don't know how to help me. When, in fact, probably the best thing they could do would be to call me and just talk.

Others that know of my depression tell me that they really don't know who I am. This was said to me time and time again by a woman I dated for a couple of years and feel in love with. That is by far the most frustrating response of anyone. Because, I think in that case, I am judged by how I act when I am depressed and not judged by who I am inside.

Then there are the people that don't know I suffer from depression. These individuals I know are making judgements about me... that I am withdrawn, shy, etc. When, in fact, I am a very social and outgoing person. So, it is so frustrating to be judged by people all as a result of my condition, not based on who I am inside.

[(JD)]

My life is TOTALLY different since the injjury/ PTSD onset!!! I used to be a socialable person. I am not generally anymore. My therapy is constant work to understand the PTSD and how the brain chemicals need to be changed back somehow. But, alas, there is no cure for all the changes... and others will never totally understand.

My rage has a mind of it's own when triggered. I have "progressed" in my therapy because NOW I recall MOST of what happened in the flashback. Whoopie. Still no control of it though...

I don't want to live. This isn't life. Before, I felt I had the world on a string! Everything wasn't perfect, but it was good. Now, nothing is good. I just can't find my way, and it's frustrating.

<font color=green>...I can misspeak like the best of us</font color=green>