Dealing with the aftermath of a crisis

Good afternoon my name is pwimbs79 I am 33 years old. I come to PsychCentral because last Friday I dealt with a serious crisis. The crisis was a friend of mine was contemplating suicide. I was at the church on a Friday night I was about to wrap up my cleaning for the night and go home. At 10:08 pm my friend text me telling me about how bad her day was. She said that she was always contemplating when I will be over. She went on further about her day. I text her back saying that I am almost finished I will be home in 15-20 minutes. At 10:25 pm my friend text me back telling me that she was actually trying to cut her arm until it bled. I need help I will try to get some help. I text her back telling her to call the police now. She texted me back saying no I will lose my child. I text her back giving her my cell number hoping she would call me back so I could talk to her but she did not respond. At this point I panicked and got worried about her. I hurried and closed the church and locked up. I got on the bus and headed home. When I got home I contacted suicide prevention through Facebook. Suicide prevention got me in contact with the police in her area. I asked to remain anonymous and I gave police her information. I requested a follow back call and I hung up. After talking to my pastor I called the police back and the dispatcher told me that the police got to the house and they took my friend down to the hospital for a psych evaluation.

From Friday night to Sunday night I was so stressed out that I spent the weekend crying, praying, I did not eat for 4 days and lost 10 lbs. I did not get much sleep. My friend came home Sunday night, she deactivated her Facebook account and banned me from her fan page. I was trying to get in contact with her before she deactivated her profile and banned me but I was too late. My friend never considered keeping me in the loop about what happened or anything. She did not text back or nothing just I am going to ban you and that's it. Since that time I have been wondering what did I do wrong? She was actually going to commit suicide and I did what I could to save her life. I need some help in understand why did she ban me for simply helping her in her time of need. Yesterday with these thoughts still on my mind, I typed up a letter to my friend in order to get these thoughts out the letter is below. Today it's like the events of the past weekend did not happen I do not know how to take it. I can't comment, message her, any and all possible ways of contact has been severed. How do I deal with this problem. I do not want to be like others, when a problem arises I do not raise a finger to help. Or I am less likely to help anyone fearing I would end up paying the price (be on the short end of the stick). Have your head in the sand like a stork I see, hear, and know nothing. I need help with this please thank you.

Dear Friend,

I type this letter with a heavy heart. I dealt with a serious crisis this past weekend. You wanting to end your life. From Friday night to Monday night I cried, prayed, and was so stressed out not knowing your status or whereabouts. I lost 10 pounds because I was too worried to eat and lost sleep. When you came home on Sunday you deactivated your profile and I was banned from your page. I wanted to check with you that Sunday night to see how you were doing and I missed that opportunity. You did not think to inform me of your status and what happened. I am not angry with you but you left me in the dark. and I have been in the dark since this past weekend. I would not have done this to you. I would have kept you informed about my well-being. You have been avoiding me like I have done something wrong to you. Friday night was the last time I had any contact with you. But what bothers me is when I get up Monday morning and see that all my posts have been deleted. I can't message, like, or comment on the page. Now I understand if I done something over the top to warrant being banned. I did nothing wrong if anything what I did was care about a friend who was about to take her life. You did not reply to any of my text messages after the last text telling me you was cutting your arm until it bled. You said you needed help I will try to seek help. Friday night I had to assume that you were going to take your life. I am not looking for pats on the back, a reward, or sympathy. All I am asking for you to do is at least understand what I have been through. You were not the only person going through a major hardship this past weekend. I am not minimizing your ordeal. You came to me with a serious problem and put me in a very untenable and uncompromising situation.

What would have happened if I did not call the police, the outcome would be different. Your parents would have called me asking me why did you not take proper action to save my child's life. Think about it what outcome would you had wanted this past weekend? Life and getting the help that you needed? Or death with family, friends, and a fan base in shock mourning your loss? What was I supposed to do in this situation? I remember telling you to call the police. You said no because you would lose your child. A family member said it best had you taken your life; your child would have lost his mother. Think about this how many photos do you have the most of? Very simple the photos of you and your child. I remember typing this in a daily message, "If you were not going to live for yourself at least live for your child." Your child sees you from sun up till sundown you are your child's entire world. I have always said how I loved to see you and your child together because of the bond the two of you had. Had you committed suicide that bond you had with your child would have been forever broken. What if the shoe was on the other foot, what if it was I contemplating suicide? You telling me to call the police, would I have said no? Absolutely not, I would have stayed in constant communication with you, while I called the police. You mentioned that you did not want get into trouble. My question is what trouble? Attempting suicide is not getting into trouble it's saying that you have reached your lowest point and you are crying out for help. This was an emergency situation and somebody praise God was standing in the gap and there was a watchman on the wall. I was that watchman on the wall and I had no other choice but to sound the alarm. Ezekiel chapter 3:17-28 talks about the watchman on the wall. I want to focus on verse 17 of Ezekiel ch.3. Ezekiel 3:17 “Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel. Whenever you hear a word from my mouth, you shall give them warning from me." When we see something wrong whether at home, job, church or wherever we are, we have to take action immediately. Action must be taken especially when it is someone we care about and love, the problem must be addressed. Do not cast me to the waste side because I cared about you so much that I had to take immediate action.

Again I am not angry with you, my heart is heavy and I am hurting. I was always encouraging you and telling you how important you were to all who loved you. I do not know why this is happening. You threw me to the waste side. Someone who would have gone through the storm with you. Someone who would have stood by you and not abandon you to face your troubles alone. I made it very clear to you that God will never leave you nor forsake you. I would have never leave you alone to face trouble and hardships because God has never left me or forsaken me.

On the page on March 22nd fans were posting words of encouragement after you posted your situation on the wall. I mentioned it in the morning message to you telling you that all of these fans posting words of encouragement should tell you of much love and support we have though you may not see it. Even I submitted words of encouragement. Less than three days later all of my posts were gone.

I am a servant of God I thank God for his blessing me with the discernment to help, care and love my brothers and sisters. My little sister my prayers are always with you. Unfortunately and sadly my voice has been silence and I cannot encourage you as I always done every morning with prayer and scriptures. I can't keep your spirits high because of you banning me and its hurts. I will always keep you in prayer and support you behind the scenes as best as possible.

I pray that one day you will look not only at yourself and your suffering, but realize someone else suffered too. I suffered because I cared about you and your well-being. I thank God that you realize how important your life is now. I cannot see myself burning bridges with people because you do not know when you will need them. I am not the type to abandon people especially after be done wrong.

I pray daily that what happened on Friday March 22, 2013 never happens again because what will be the plan? When someone attempts suicide the doctors make sure that there is a plan of action or treatment plan so there will be no future suicide attempts. My question is who will stand in the gap and be that watchman on the wall? I pray that God intervenes on your behalf. I pray that you continue to be the role model, messenger, parent, and person God has called you to be. I pray that communication will one day be restored. I wish you the very best and may God continue to bless you always much love my little sister and best friend.

Sincerely,

Hello pwimbs79.

It is good you have become a member of PC. Your friend was in a dilemma and hopefully she will get the treatment necessary to help her focus on her therapy goals. Unfortunately, you were not treated with any sympathy from this experience with your friend.
Here are some links to forums here at PC to help you process the aftermath that is affecting you.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/post-traumatic-stress/
http://forums.psychcentral.com/post-...echniques.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/ptsd-success-stories/
http://forums.psychcentral.com/caregivers-support/
http://forums.psychcentral.com/sanct...itual-support/

((pwimbs79))

You did the right thing. When someone says they are going to harm themselves, they need help, you didn't fail your friend, perhaps she is getting help now. Maybe in the back of her mind she called you knowing you would do something to help her.

Give this person "some time", because she obviously isn't in a state of mind to give "you" a thank you or anything right now.

(((Hugs)))

I assume your friend feels that the "helpers" are not real helpers, but just more of the fake ones who promise to help but in fact just get control of her, with the "best of intentions" of course. You have to be very sensitive to which ones have the promise of real help and which ones only promise. If you cannot tell, then it is much harder be sure to get genuine help for someone. In the case of a real suicide attempt it is probably better to try than not to try to get help, even if you are not sure.

Pwimbs, you did the right thing by sending help to your friend's house. She might be angry with you for doing so, but you did the right thing. Think how you would feel if you did nothing and she did commit suicide.