to do what?

My adopted daughter is safely home after a year in hell with a batterer and his battering family. Now, it is revealed that her birth sister got beaten up by the father of their 18 month old baby doll and has her teeth smashed and black eyes etc. The hardest part for me is that she called my daughter and said she needed stuff like clothes and car seat and could she bring? She is displaced. The only car seat avail is for infants and they are going to use it anyway. She does not seem to see the effects all of this will have on a baby. These kids were third generation protective services. The sister is a good mom and I want her to be able to raise her baby safely. I am so powerless. My daughter feels the same as do I. Powerless. I want to make sure baby has clothes and food and toys and safe transportation. I want to make sure mom has medical care. I am frustrated.

so did the sister leave the abuser? oh gosh that poor baby!!! I feel for both the baby and the mother! no one deserves that crap!!

(((((Wisewoman)))))))
You're doing so much by taking care of your adopted daughter and I know you want to help her sister and her baby too but don't forget about your needs too. This is probably putting you under a lot of stress so I hope you take a few moments out to treat yourself well.
Remember to tell her that there's always thrift stores. They're great in a pinch. Know of any thrift stores you both can raid for her and her baby? And for the other stuff you can't buy at a thrift store, can she get help from a community resource center? How old is she?
I bet you'd like to take her and her baby in too. Be careful not to take on too much. (((((Wisewoman))))))

bebop and Jax, sister has left abuser, for how long who knows.Yes I want to take them in but mom won't come here and I suppose it's for the best. I just want to help her succeed in parenting this child. I am also sad as I wish every child had two loving parents, a million wonderful story books and a sandbox. I am sad for the baby and my inability to help. thanks for the support.

you know hon it is really hard to have such a caring personality! I struggle with being a caregiver all the time. ((((hugs))))

thilking of you all in your time of need
((((((((((((wisewoman)))))))))))))))

Is the mother in a safe place? If not, then have her contact either the courts or Deparment of Human Services to get the location of a safe house for battered women..........AND THEN GO THERE! Usually these places have access to items that mothers need to care for their children.

Next she needs to bring criminal charges against the father. Nobody changes, no matter what they say, after bashing in someone's face!

There are people out there that are paid to help out in situations like this (usually listed under County Programs in the phone book)............You may just need to help her hook up with them.

Yes, I agree, been there with her and she is only willing to go so far. Worried that state will take baby.

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wisewoman said:
Yes, I agree, been there with her and she is only willing to go so far. Worried that state will take baby.

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That is so sad.......and sometimes true, at least temporarily .

But I think they would be more likely to step in rather harshly, if she gets into a situation where they (the state) are called in, as opposed to being asked for help .

If she is still with the father then she is not able to protect herself, and consequently the baby, that is an unsafe situation for both of them......and they need to get out.

I am sure it is much easier said then done.....but it does need to be done.

Have her contact DHS and then contact Legal Aid or the Public Defenders office in her county. They will be able to advise her if DHS decides it would be in the best interest of the child to file a case of Neglect against the family. Sometimes DHS will do this so they can file an Individual Case Plan with the Judge and thereby getting a legal order to have all people follow and complete it........

Again, it does sound like a real mess............but unless she takes steps to get out of the relationship, something bad will eventually happen and then she will have very little recourse........or even her life.

She needs to take some steps, and being in an abusive relationship, it is best to involve the authorities as early as possible for a better long term outcome.

yes, you are right

Wisewoman.........take care of yourself too!!

Post and let us know how everything is going......but make sure you take time for yourself.

Life is hard sometime........that's why we need each other. Take care!

Wisewoman, IF SHE IS leaving the baby's father they will help her at the Salvation Army and also a shelter for battered wives would be of help in all ways. Perhaps the way you can be of help is to point her to the correct agencies

I feel like even pointing her to the right services is somehow resented so I have daughter do it for me. My heart breaks but for those who have been here a while remember how I felt so hopeless when this daughter moved out into the sad situation she was in. She is here, at least for now and I am trying to show her she can live and be strong without a man. AND, that a MAN will love and cherish and treat her like a princess.

(((((((WW))))))))),

You are such a wonderful person.....caring for your adopted daughter & her sister & child. It is hard to care so much without the person being open to your help. You sound like you know how to work around the problem.......& what you are teaching your daughter...that a MAN will love, cherish, & treat her like a princess is so true. I know how important it is to stay away from anyone that doesn't treat you with respect. It is hard to get someone to realize that they are better off without someone rather than being with someone who doesn't treat you with respect & love.

You are in a tough situation & you know best how to handle your family.....I wish you strength to work through this situation.....it's hard to know about that kind of abuse & not be able to do much about it.

Debbie

True, ww.

Thanks Debbie and Sky