A Little About Me

I first started therapy for depression because of a medical condtion that has disabled me. The very first time I saw my "t", immediately the topic of conversation became more about my childhood. "No, I didn't think i had been depressed all my life... quite the opposite actually..."

It seems as if I have been a "pretender" all my life. Pretending nothing was wrong.. pretending to be perfectly adjusted and "normal" whatever that means.... and I have pretended nothing bad happened to me.But I NEVER totally erased it from my memory banks.. its all stored there alright.. and now my memories are flooding me. I am overwhelmed. I am holding it together.. doing what I have always done.. avoiding it.Ignoring it.. or trying to.

Originally going to therapy was supposed to help me get over the depression from my condition , as well as help me with being approved for a disability claim. It hasn't helped with either. In fact, I feel more depressed than when I started and I have anxiety pretty bad too.

I feel like I have so much work to do.. and it affects my medical condition in a very bad way so it is slow going and I get very discouraged. There are time when I simply can't handle therapy although I haven't missed an appointment in a very long time.

I seem to have quite a large amount of childhood baggage.. and I haven't even gotten started on the abusive relationship I was in for 3 years... thats a whole different set of luggage! Geez.. its hard to stay positive sometimes.... <font color="#880000"> </font>

Better slow going than nothing at all.... hang in there.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

Hang in there. It will get easier to talk about it, i promise.

(((faithisalive)))

Welcome

Hello, Faith...Yes, I know what you mean, and I too have handled my childhood baggage in small increments. I hope you are doing well with this as it is hard!
Love
Patty

Hang in there, even on rough days. Force of will can also help on days when nothing looks good. On some days the only positive will be a flower you see by the side of the road or a sunrise. Helping others when you feel rotten makes them and you feel better. If I can make it, you can make it. Keep your hope alive.

Welcome FaithisAlive. I hope you can be patient with yourself and heal at the rate you are able. Take care.