[inkblot]

I have been experiencing increased heart problems--particularly since the last time I stayed in a motel about a month ago--and took some OTC medication, to well, clean myself out, I guess--part of my eating habits and weight issues, and stress relief. What I took was strong--like the kind prescribed for people prior to colon exams and procedures. Its become my drug of choice since I first tried it, in spring, I think. I'd stay a night in a motel and take it (with other related OTC's) once or twice a week--occassionally three times in a week. My last time was almost a month ago. I have wanted to and I still do, but I haven't been able to because of financial matters initially, then my schedule. Today is my day off work and I had been hoping to have more "festivities" tonight.

I am scared that at this doctor appointment he might ask questions about eating issues and if I have taken any OTC meds, any--ok I'll say it this once--any purging. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO ADMIT SOMETHING LIKE THAT! It is embarrassing! How can I do such a thing?! To tell a doctor--actually ADMIT doing these things?! I am scared. I want my heart problems to improve. I had a really bad episode yesterday and left work early. I just couldn't think and concentrate. I emailed the doctor's office and they wanted to eval me at an appointment before increasing my dose of atenolol. I had vented and emailed my pcp a couple of months ago ("off the record" to his *private* business email, which I am not supposed to know but learned when I used to work for a sister business to his office group) on a really bad day that I had learned through my T that my pdoc was thinking that I might have an eating disorder. Since then, I finally got signed up for electronic access to my medical record, including on-the-record email communications for questions and Rx refill requests. I am hesitant to increase the dose on my own, so I logged in and emailed them about what was happening. The skipped beats were severe yesterday and they seemed concerned about that.

I don't know what to expect. I am afraid to talk about eating and weight issues. If my "secret" comes out and everybody gets to know everything, they will all be watching me and wanting me to change---I will be so stressed out---this has been my comfort zone, my safety net---for several years. I know that starvation and everything has bad health effects but this has become my coping skill. I am afraid to change.

[(JD)]

((((INKY))))) This goes way beyond embarassment for you.. .YOU MUST BE HONEST!!!! What you are doing puts your health at risk to begin with...but if the MD does NOT know all that you are doing.... YOU COULD BE PUTTING YOUR LIFE at risk... or at the very least grave illness.

Don't put the doctor in the role of judging you... that isn't the doctor's job...you are hiring the doctor to give you good advice and give you whatever meds can help you... you MUST tell!!!! Tell, and take advice under "advisement." OK????

[inkblot]

I am not afraid of the doctor judging me. I am judging ME. I have always worked in a medical field--my first love. Its been bad and good for my habits. I have a conscience so I know and think about how things can be bad for me. It's like being pulled from two directions. Have to go to the appointment now. They won't like my weight.

[(JD)]

Yep. I know,.. and I know you know. Just lay out the facts.... not telling them doesn't change the current facts... but might the future ones. We all have something we struggle with... including the other doctors and health care ppl, ok? Be honest... with yourself... and them

[January]

(((((((( Inky ))))))))

Sky has given you excellent advice. For your sake and your future, please follow it and be honest.

Hugs,

Jan

[inkblot]

1st of all: As usual they have to weigh anybody who comes in the door. BUT I was surprised that the doctor never even checked and noticed that I have dropped about 30 pounds! I thought for sure my weight would show in my exam--quite literally--but she did everything going under my shirt without lifting it up. Anyway, they seemed concerned about the palpitations and skipped beats(?) making my heartbeat stop and restart at a rate of 6 times a minute like it was doing on Wednesday. My Atenolol dose was doubled and I am scheduled for a stress echo Tuesday morning. That afternoon I have to pick up a monitor to wear for a week.

So far I have taken the new dose of Atenolol twice now and though I am still experiencing some mild to moderate symptoms, there is a SIGNIFICANT improvement compared to Wednesday! I am almost worried now that the stress test and monitor might not show anything.

[eskielover]

Inky,

You sound like me......I have medical problems, but they never show up in tests. My GP is only concerned about my weight when it gets below the minimum weight I should weigh for my height. Last year, he noticed the huge weight loss in the month he was monitoring me asthma after I was hospitalized for that......but didn't do anything until I ended up so completely exhausted while dealing with my mother dying of cancer & going through the trauma that happened during that time. When he put me into the hospital for being exhausted & told them it was for bronchitis. It was when he did the blood test & found that I was anemic & had malnutrition that the hospital's pdoc forced him to treat me with the PICC line & when that got infected, he went with the central line. After being in the hospital for about 2 months he kept track of my blood levels every month after that & even when I would pass out, my blood work never showed any problems. It is really amazing how sick I can be & nothing shows up as a problem very often.

I hope your test will show up the truth about what is going on with you....it must be a strange feeling to have your heart skip beats. I hope that can be controlled for you.....I know about using OTC......I usually need to be real close to a bathroom for at least 24 hours. I am on narcotics for my migraines & they know that constipation is normal, so I justify using OTC pills for taking care of that......it definitely helps to keep my weight down several times a week. I have been able to keep my weight at a fairly constant point at just over my minimum safe weight. I know I will only be in trouble if I get really sick or when I finally take care of the dental work I have been procrastinating about. I have been able to eat just enough to stay stable.

Maybe your GP didn't see your weight as being at a dangerous level.....I am sure she knows about your ED by now....I know it didn't take much for my GP to realize that I had some problems dealing with my weight even through it is mostly dependent on my stress level.

I hope your tests turn out for your best & show up a problem when there is one. It is important so they can treat you correctly.

Hope things turn out ok for you,
Debbie

[Lexicon78]

(((((Inky)))))

This must be very hard on you.

Being overweight myself, I do understand how it feels to be overweight or even obese. But my concern is with the meds you are taking. I mean the OTC meds. I know that some of them do have an effect on the way your heart works because they increase your heart rate and sometimes may do serious damage to the heart. I don't know if the drug you've been using does that or not. I'm just thinking that if you already have a pre-existing medical condition then it would be unwise to take something for weight-loss that would do that. To me that's almost guaranteeing that you'll suffer from heart problems.

To save your life, please let the doctor know what's going on! As Sky said you MUST tell. I think what a lot of people don't realize is that an eating disorder is just as harmful as cutting or any other kind of self-injurious behavior. I guess this is how I see it--self injury. I've been cutting for 15 years and I only realized this when I was in intensive group therapy with someone with an eating disorder. The therapist who had treated us (she was quite amazing btw) treated us using the same techniques. Anyways, it really does become a different form of self-harm.

Hang in there!

[inkblot]

My regular doctor didn't have anything open, so I had to see someone else. I had never met this doctor before so she didn't know anything about me. My regular doctor would have known to check on my weight level because of a couple emails I sent to his private business email account. Patients aren't supposed to know that info and nobody told me it. I found out a long time ago when I used to work within there network at a sister company. I guess with the rules and all, everything from the patient must be in an official, clinical encounter. My doctor can't even ask me about something I have written--he must go with the info on record and use that, if he can, to casually bring up a topic and go from there depending on my answers. Like if my weight is down a few pounds from the previous visit, he can comment on that and ask if I am getting enough to eat. Anytime someone asks me that my usual reply is that its enough for me. He knows that I have lots say to him but am afraid. He started asking me at the end of appointments before letting me go if there was anything else I would like to ask him about or mention. He gives me a chance to say more. Its really not fair to him for me to email him like I have in the past. Its like he is helpless. I feel bad about that. I am close to making an on-the-record email to the office suggesting that my pdoc thinks I have an eating disorder, though.

[January]

(((((((( Inky )))))))))

Please send that email. You are important.

Hugs,

Jan

[(JD)]

Thanks for the update... yes... why not send it? We all do self care in the best way we can... some more innovatively than others TC! (((inky)))

[eskielover]

I don't know Inky if your GP is the same as mine, but he only takes care of me if I am actually anemic & going through the malnutrition.....he doesn't want to know about anything else. My GP had me hospitalized for about 2 months last year when he had me on a PICC line & then on the central line after that got infected. After he got me stable.....he wanted me to get the care I needed to stop from needing his medical care. My weight still wasn't safe at the time & that was when both my pdoc & GP wanted me in an ED treatment center for medical & psyhological treatment. The only problem was that they didn't listen to what was causing my problem & the stress I was going through & the trauma I had gone through that wasn't being treated. From there, they tried to get me to find a PTSD treatment center where I could get both medical & psychological help. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any place that was willing to even help me......so I just stayed at home & didn't deal with much of anything for months....& the low weight continued but I never had the anemia or malnutrition again after that point. Passing out during the heat took me to the ER & they kept me overnight for observation several times, but none of my blood tests showed up anything wrong enough to need the care of my GP. My pdoc & psychologist continually keep track of my weight (just by asking me about it). I am now at my lowest safe weight (haven't gone under that for a few months). I know however that I do have some weight issues. I know that with using the narcotics I am on for my migraines cause constipation & I can honestly say that I use strong OTC meds to take care of that several times a week(which also causes 2+ pounds of weight loss at a time). The only problem I find with that is that it also seems to dehydrate me too, but try not to drink too much either so I don't gain weight that way either. The one thing that I know for myself is that when I was 11 pounds underweight, I looked like a skeleton & I looked horrible without my cloths on.....so it's not exactly a body image problem.....just don't want to get heavy like my family either...so I know that there is a problem there too. The only problem with my pdoc & psychologist is that there are other problems that take presidence over my desire to stay thin also.

I guess what I am saying is that your GP's job is to treat you if your ED takes you to anemia & malnutrition & to monitor that you aren't getting to that point......but if your weight is still over your minimum low level, there is nothing your GP will do about the ED.....that thinking is what your pdoc & psychologist need to work with your on.

Obviously, I don't know if your GP is similar to mine but he doesn't want to be the Dr that is continually putting me back into the hospital for a central line treatment everytime he turns around. I did have a GP that did that the first time I had very low body weight but that time, I was over 20 pounds underweight & continually had me hospitalized at least once a month with a central line & the TPN. That continued for almost 1 year.

Hope you can get the help you need, but your GP may also feel that he isn't the one that needs to be the one to work with you unless you actually end up physically ill.

Debbie

[desirae]

Inky- this is pretty serious. That's the beauty of doctors though. Legally they are unable to spread your business to other folks. So what you tell your Doc will be kept amongst you. I think you have to share this because eating disorders do effect the heart, and can cause some irreversible damage. Obvisouly you're already have heart problems, so these problems you have are probably making it worse.

I hope you get the help you need and you gain the courage to share these medical issues with your doctor.