hey everyone, just thought i would start a post for a chat.

i am feeling really invisible lately and people seem to have such an attitude with me. i just feel like i am kind and caring and considerate to others (unless they upset me) but they just dont see me. they want me to be someone else that im not,, and i wont change for anyone so they abandon me. i went to work today feling really low and just wanted someone to be there for me, and what was waiting... insults. people just seemed to be picking out the bad points to my character, i mean, im not perfect i know but i dont need reminding of my bad points every single day. i cannot remember the last time i recieved a compliment, i can name so many insults but no compliments. am i really that bad a person? i always knew i had problems etc (who doesnt, we are human afterall!) but thats all i seem to see now becuase i have nobody to remind me of any positive points i have, if any.

people just dont want to get to know me, all they want to do is judge and critisize me. i wouldnt mind so much if i was critisized by people who know me but nobody does want to know me, all they want to do is change me. which will never happen.

when i feel this way i try to think of how i would comfort someone else if they were going thorugh this, and not me. i find answers but they dont seem to help. so how can i try to help others and not be able to help myself.

i feel like i cant sing either, and that was the last thing i wanted to be effected. i hold so much protection for my passion of music but it feels affected recently and i cried the other night about loads of things, one of them being the fact i feel i cant sing and thats what i want to do as a career. i just feel so worthless!!

some of the things people say to me in work is awful, and most of them i let go over my head but when everyone constantly treats me that way i have to believe that is how i am. dont get me wrong, i certainly stand up for myself, but then they accuse me of being grumpy and snappy and ignore me then. i cant win. im sick and tired of being invisible and i want someone to just see me for me and appreciate me for it. doubt it will happen though!

thanks for listening. if you feel the same feel free to post it on here.

speak soon

[Bethsway]

I see you Simon...and if you do get grumpy...there must be a reason for that...try not to worry about the people who put you down...because I find that people that do that to others are really doing it because they are jealous of a person...or they want to draw attention away from themselves...I hate the fact that people have to hurt other people just to make themselves feel better about themselves...Simon you are great!! and even if you never sing....I still see you!!! Hope you are feeling better this afternoon!!!

[wisewoman]

People like that are not worth your thought process. The world is not like that and I find value in you as a kind person and a great poster! Act like the comments don't touch you and if you get up the nerve someday you can ask one of these lovely people if it makes them feel more powerful to say mean things? Once you give them a few seconds you can say "because it only shows your cruelty" or, because it only shows your ignorance.

[SeptemberMorn]

Sweet, kind Simon, you know who YOU are. Don't let these people get to you. They are only telling you who THEY are; critical, judgemental, ugly, mean people!

You certainly aren't invisible here!

[mrb020377]

I agree you are not invisible here.... we all like you simon..... i love your music expecially that first song you posted... it was awesome... you have talent!!!!!!

[almostangela]

Oddly enough, I was just pondering some of what you said on my walk this afternoon before I read your email. (The part about being artistically blocked and your reaction to critisism.) Reading your words, you sound just like all my artist friends. You are a highly sensitive person and what others might brush off as just being rude, an artist will absorb. This is the angst of being an artist because you are needing to express to make others understand. It is a beautiful thing really because from feeling deeply, you are able to create something meaningful. However, this extreme tends to drive creative people a little frustrated if they are not careful.

When you internalize criticism on yourself (and you usually sprout negative thoughts to yourself and don't realize it), the criticism of others seems to be worse. This becomes a visious cycle because it effects your artist flow, resulting in a block and not being able to sing. I know about this stuff because for 15 years I was a gallery class sculptor and sold and showed my work all over Vancouver. For every one that liked it; five stepped in to tell me what they thought was wrong or how I should change.

But getting back to you. Listen to the words you tell yourself while you are walking or working or driving. Are you being nice to yourself? As for the comments about you being grouchy; I see that as a compliment because you are not so phoney as to put on a mask of false sincerity. You are just being real and next time someone makes a comment, just flip them a 'deal with it, thats the way I am' comment to two. Better yet, flip out on them and give them something substantial to talk about. Shake them up, you are what you are, and that is beautiful as it is.

[January]

Hi Simon,

You have been sweet, kind and supportive here. Please don't let the nay sayers get to you.

Cheers!

Jan

[FaithisAlive]

Simon, I think you are awesome! everyone speaks words of wisdom.

In a work setting , people become competetive and therefore can be jealous and downright hateful and mean. It is unfortunate but true.They aren't there to make friends, they are there to make money.

And think about this.. when you are as exhausted.. as you were just days ago, creativity becomes weakened. You have been through alot the last wekk or so and you must give youself time to absorb it all. And then.. the singing will come back to you.

I tend to take things personally and I get my feelings hurt too... but I am learning to take things with a different perspective... it isn't always all about me.. its sometimes about THEM...

You are so much more valuable than you think... don't let these morons convince you otherwise.I'll be thinking of you!
For each thing someone says that gives you a bad feeling.. say 2 good things about yourself to counteract it.

[Bethsway]

Saying two good things everytime sombody says something bad about you...is a great idea! thank you Faithsalive...I will try to remember this...you too Simon!!!

[gabbie]

Simon -

A year ago I felt very similar to you, and still battle with this need for someone to notice the true me. I started counselling and read a book called The Four Agreements. The book helps me to deal with the daily stuff, the counselling is helping (I think) to deal with the long term stuff.

I say I think because I have good days, kind of good days, and then some bad days where I feel like I am right back to where I was.

For me I know that it is my own self confidence getting in the way of my relationships with others. If I like myself and I am being true to me, then they can say and do whatever they want to do. Having said this, I just spent 6 days with my in-laws and that was VERY challenging for me. I feel that they expect everyone to be like them, and if you are not then you are not worthy. They double check the things they ask me to do. When I offer an opinion that they asked for they basically laugh at it. The logical side of me knows that this really has nothing to do with me, and has more to do with them. Never the less it is still hurt ful.

I just wanted to let you know that I have felt that way, but I know that I need to matter to myself, before I can matter to others. Hang in there. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.