[Beautiful_Pain]

(I mention psychosis, but this isn't just about that, really. I think, if its too schizo/psychosis go ahead and move)

The voices are back, a few weeks ago, I lost touch with reality...completely. There was no house, here, people or even me...nothing existed but the grey fog I was in...but since I wasn't real, in a way it wasn't either. My husband doesn't want me to go back to the hospital, so I haven't brought it back up. =/ The fact that he doesn't want me to go back has me thinking...what if I don't need it? My voices have been telling me for weeks that everyone thinks I am faking and are growing tired of the faking and me. That everyone in my family is talking about me and my faking, laughing at me, disgusted with the faking and me. Am I faking it? What if I am? Could I fake it? But how can it be fake, when it doesn't feel fake? When it scares the ***** out of me, how can it be fake? But what if it is?

I don't think I know anything anymore =( I don't think I can be helped.

[alisandria]

Have you been diagnosed as schizo? Even, if you haven't you imply you have been hospitalized for this before? Why doesn't your husband want you to go back to the hospital? You can receive the treatment you need there. Please don't worry about what others feel of you and your condition, or how they think you are faking it. That is their issue to deal with, not yours. Do what you need to do to bring yourself back to reality and have some peace of mind.

I have known a couple of people with Schiz...and it's not an easy time with delusions, hallucinations & voices....I hope you can do what is best for you, even if you don't have the support of your family. Sometimes what people cannot see they just cannot understand (my family for years have thought I was faking PTSD and agoraphobia...lots of good that all did me, I am waist deep in doo because of all the schmutz they put on me instead of either supporting me, or just keeping their comments to themselves, ya know?).

Please keep posting on the board, let me know how you are. Know you are not alone, and you have support here!

hugs, Lisa

[hillbunnyb]

))))))) ) )beautiful pain ((((((( ((( hey sweetie, only you know what's going on in you. my family can't grasp what i deal with either. "get over it already" is their attitude. boy, don't i wish i could !!!!!!!!!!!!! how are your meds these days? if you would benefit from a stay at the hospital, for heaven's sake, sign in.
i can't understand hubby's stand on this one. does he have anyone to talk to besides you about you? maybe he needs a shot of therapy himself .... at least a good vent ....??? hang in there. keep s posted, ok?

[JustAPixie]

((((((((((((( BP )))))))))))))))))

If you are not aware that you are faking it, you probably aren't! I wish I knew what to say to you, but I'm lost when it comes to these things... It must be terrible for you to go through this and still be able to carry on!

I cant tell you if you are faking it only you and your treatment professionals can answer that but what I can tell you is that with the right medication and dosage many of my friends that have Schizphrenia live happy and successful lives. it just takes time to find that right medication. And if you are faking it the medication would be making things worse. Kind of like giving a person who does not have ADD ritalin - their attention span gets worse because ritalin on ADD people slows them down But because ritalin is a stimulant (which most if not all people with ADD need) a normal person acts like they have just drank about 10 cups of coffee in less than a half hour. Because normal people don't need the stimulant to correct the chemical imballance in the brain.

Schizophrenia is a chemical imballance of the brain that causes the person to have hallucinations and delusions and so on. so thewy need the medication to correct that imballance.

A normal person without schizophrenia does not have that chemical imballance so giving them medication to correct a chemical imballance that does not exist will throw their normal brain chemicals into being unballanced.

Result the person who is faking it experiences more problems on medication then they claimed they had before taking the medication.

At one point my child was taken off medication to see how much of his problems were medication related and how much was his controlable behavior vs his uncontrolable behavior. He's back on medication because he does better on it then off it.

Hang in there.