the word 'dysfunctional'

I've just realised that I'm finding this word really triggering for shame. I have been speaking with someone about my family and they used this word to describe my mum. The thing is that I know that there's been this in my family dynamics, but I'm just realising that this can be an extremely stigmatising word or label. I think that it can dehumanise a person.

The thing is that I have used this word myself in the past, although not lots, but when someone said it about my mum to be honest it made me think about myself as a mum being as dysfunctional too and I felt it affecting my self-belief and ability to change and my self-worth.

I think this is one of those words that has been so over-used, it becomes either meaningless, or carries a negative charge that sounds dismissive and doesn't convey understanding of an individual situation. Although I don't find it triggering, I can understand why someone would, and I do not think it is a useful word; at least not anymore.

I don't like it either. I am officially "disabled." I hate that word, too. I don't know what the alternative to these words would be, but I feel like I am a machine that has had its plug pulled or battery taken out.

I feel very differently about this word. I like it. I find it objective. If I use it, I can pick out some function that is not working, something broken or missing. I don't use it vaguely. For me, the word is precise and not tainted by hearing idiots use it. Unlike many other words, such as love, sustainability, etc. Ick.

I feel like dysfunctional is a good word to describe me, I don't nessisarily like that it is but the term functional certainly does not work.

I think the word dysfunctional need not be an indication of defectiveness or abnormality. What does it mean to be regularly functional these days anyway? To be stuck in a pedestrian job? Attending acrid cocktail parties and shopping at home depot on the weekend? Nothing is 'wrong' with any of the above but i think we place too much importance on labels and less on how to actually deal with life when it does break down and we can no longer cope how we usually do. I would agree with another poster in that the world just generalizes, it lacks descriptiveness and is therefore inaccurate.

I would agree with everyone.
When i was a young girl some people would describe my mom as mentally ill or crazy.
Now I would say she was mentally unwell, certainly not crazy, but she was dysfunctional.

I think more people are using these terms publicly as people are learning in therapy the whys of this or that.
And learning to be open to new ways that are functional and balanced.
As of today I know of no other words to replace dysfunctional that does not carry it's own negative charge.

roseblossom, You are not your mother. And I wish you the best on your journey.
I suggest for now using a replacement word that is not so charged for you.
Like you can say, " my mom lacked the skills/balance to teach me."
I don't think the community here at pc would ever use the term dysfunctional in a hurtful way. Just kindly say you wish not to use that term.

One term that I am not so fond of is "triggering" because it is hardly used in a positive way. Now if I hear the word trigger, I think harmful, hurtful, danger. I understand the context as a warning. But there are good things that can trigger positive emotions
Happiedasiy works on being balanced everyday, HUGS

Thanks to those who have responded - its been interesting to hear your thoughts on this. I think for me, it must have hit on some core belief or fear and perhaps I was misinterpreting the intent of the way the word was used - maybe different people mean different things by it. Some people do seem to use words to label or stigmatise - almost as an excuse for rejection - but others are just trying to get to the bottom of what's been happening in a person's life, rather than making a judgement about the person.

Thanks for this ... your reply just appeared as I wrote my previous response. I think you've hit the nail on the head - sometimes people use words in a hurtful way or in a negative way somehow - as a judgement. Perhaps it happens because they've been hurt. Whereas others don't have the same negative attachment - so the intent behind the use of the word is important or to think how the person on the receiving end might perceive it.

I think working on being balanced everyday is a great goal btw and that reminds me that a therapist recommended that I do that too.

I try to put the "fun" in dysfunctional.

Payne, using "person first" language you are not "disabled", you are a "person with a disability." While that seems like a semantic game, I like the way it changes the emphasis. Saying someone is disabled makes it seem like they are their disability. Saying a person has a disability shifts the focus from the disability to the person. It focuses on the whole person who just happens to have a disability. Does that make sense?

A personal example - I have fibro NOT I am fibro. A person has a disorder/illness/disability, but that disorder/illness/disability does not defien who the person is as a person.

Since a person being an adjective rather than the other way around doesn't even make sense gramatically...I can't really see how someone gets "insert name is insert illness' Out of it. So point being if someone is disabled they are someone with a disability I don't think people are implying they are in fact their disability.

I think people should describe it however they want for them self. I feel disabled by the conditions I have doesn't mean I am them it means they significantly interfere with my life....just my perspective.

Well that sort of is what dysfunctional implied, maybe a better idea is to get it out of peoples heads that being abnormal or defective/disordered/whatever in some way isn't a reason to treat someone like crap that would be a start. When I think of normal I think of people without disabiling mental problems who are able to function at a job, keep up a family life and that sort of thing but you are right that there isn't really an exact normal everyone agrees on.

I guess sometimes I think there is something wrong with the people who can put up with this society. The whole feeling like your one of the only sane ones and the rest of the world is insane...it can be hard to tell which it is.

I use the word dysfunctional to describe my family situation. I think I use it precisely because it's overused - it's a lot easier to just say "Yeah, my family is a fairly typical dysfunctional family" and then people will leave it at that. I do use it in a dismissive manner, but it helps me accept my family as it is. I do not use it in conversation though, aside from in regards to my own family.

Thats funny about the word dysfunctionl put the fun back in the word. That just made my day!!!

disfunctional to me is not a word that can be properly used to describe any living human being because everyone functions to some degree, ok i am unable to function to the same level as most but i still do function! even a person who only has limited eye movement can still function, and those who have no movement at all still have functioning respiritory systems, so disfunctional should be kept for those who have no functioning bits at all..the dead! my legs do not work as in walking or standing but they still have a function in helping me balance when sitting and in keeping my feet attached to me, my feet have the function of keeping my shoes in place etc so although they are not functioning how most people percieve they should, i would not say they are disfunctional at all.

thank you messsedinthehead

It can be used as in a purely clinical way and also in a way that lends itself to being a little derogatory depending on how it's said. And the word might vary from culture to culture depending on standards and values. But it's hard to take when a family member or someone you know is labeled like this. It goes right to the core of your being.